Regardless of the cause, food becomes a thing that is no longer food but medication for something that emotionally triggers us. But this cycle is not permanent. It just needs to be “re-wired” by replacing the action. And that requires awareness, motivation, effort, and therapy. Any kind is good, as long as the underlying issues are addressed and dispelled. I also recommend yoga and meditation. I like to do downward dog or even touch my toes. Any inversion that will get the blood flow to your brain will do. Don’t take it lightly. It’s something that will give you much relief in life and it’s well worth it.
When it comes to actual physical health, when you’re in a mentally healthy mindset it’s just logical. It’s practical and approachable and not so terrifying. If you need to lose weight, you take steps toward that goal. You’ll exercise more. You’ll want to eat better and you will understand what your body wants. You’ll change habits that are unhealthy and you’ll be who you want to be.
The most important thing is to stay connected to your body at all times. Often when we’re stressed out or feelings of anxiety bubble up we tend to “stuff” them with things: a cigarette, a drink, or food. We distract ourselves from the things that upset us. It’s the way that we can become numb to our feelings, including whether or not we’re full.
Life is too short to spend any of it beating yourself up or hating yourself in any way. And it’s not necessary to be prettier or skinnier or healthier. All it does it rob you of the life you should be having and the happiness that you deserve. Be nice to yourself. Nurture and care for yourself. Protect and covet yourself. You are your body, and not separate from it. Never treat yourself like an enemy. You’re in the only body you’ve got. Be good to you.
Happy Sunday, people. xox Sarah
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Nice Article! I think nourishment IS actually a drug as it causes serotonin to be released from what I’ve heard and so a delicate balance exists. I try not to eat just to satisfy an emotional state but to fulfill nutritional needs and cravings. Sometimes you feel like having something particular and I believe that is your body’s way of asking for it.
Strangely enough I had an erotic dream, which is something that happens maybe a few times a year for me. It was with the Who’s That Girl pixie like character, the brunette with pale skin. If she had freckles she would be my ideal woman. The dream was curious in that it wasn’t inherently sensual, but the process of love making was totally perfect, like a religious experience. It wasn’t graphic, just the impression of perfection. In the dream I was not a bit overweight and the performance of both parties was breathtaking. Hopefully this is a goal for me to achieve….that is achieve a health weight while maintaining strength and vigor. Then if I ever run into Zooey Deschanel and she is available I could actually manage a wink.
Thank you for sharing this great article. Since childhood I’ve always been “chubby”. I swear I don’t even remember wearing a girls 14-16; I just recall going from kids clothes straight to Juniors. I’ve always been insecure about my weight, even though to be honest I’m not overly overweight. Growing up with a younger sister who is thin and has few curves has sometimes made me jealous; although, it’s funny because she says she’s jealous I got all the curves. As I’ve grown older (now 27) I have my moments of struggling with not being a size 5, which I think will never be, but it’s great to see websites like this encouraging girls to accept themselves and focus on health primarily and not just have a goal to be thin. Also, although the majority of celebrities are tiny, it’s great to see “normal” size girls on tv and movies breaking stereotypes. Despite personal preferences about Lena Dunham, Khloe Kardashian, Adele, Kate Upton and others, I’m happy to see them breaking the mold in magazines and tv. Now the next goal- get designers to stop calling anything above a size 2 plus size would be incredible! Why can’t it just be a size… not a PLUS size! I think my size 10/12 on my 5’7 frame is pretty average!
Thanks Tara! Here, here. You sound very mature, balanced and confident, which I think makes for a much more beautiful outward appearance than any clothing could. Thanks so much for your comment
xox
I’ve been affected by this issue, and I solved by starting therapy and seeing a nutricionist, and also yoga classes helped me a lot, in several ways. Great article!!
Thank you Vero, so glad to hear that. I am very happy for you and I wish you much more positivity to come! xox Sarah
Thank you, Sarah! This was a wonderful perspective on an issue that has really affected me, some of my friends, and probably most girls living in today’s skinny-obsessed society. It is really true that in order to be physically well, we have to work on our emotional wellness first.
Totes agree, Rachel. xoxo
Maria, find a new GP. That is unprofessional, not to mention just mean. If he seriously thinks you should lose weight, there are more appropriate ways of going about such.
You said it, Sarah! x
Gosh this is the best article ever. Do you follow me around or something? Get out of my head. No, don’t, because I needed this. So much. Thank you.
LOL that makes me happy, Cattie-Bree.
xo
The tummy picture looks like normal skinfat to me. It´s actually normal for a girl to have a little bit more than that – I can´t tell you how much. Ask a doctor or a dietician if you are worried.
Hi-larious Hans.
When one looks at pictures from 50 years ago it’s quickly becomes apparent that what “In Shape” meant then and what it means now is far different. Back then the standard wasn’t 12% body fat it was more like 20%. It was a more healthy look. That being said, in looking at these pictures of 50 years yore, one wouldn’t likely see the amount of obesity that is now so common. What has changed over the last 50 years that has precipitated this range of extremes? One thing for sure is the availability of fast food. It’s far easier to eat now than it was in 1963. Not only is it easier but the food quality has diminished with the greater availability. It’s also, quite often, cheaper to eat “fast food” as it is to eat self prepared wholesome food. Since women have taken on different societal rolls other than home maker they have less time than they did 50 years ago for family meal preparation. It’s usually easier to grab something in a bag than it is to prepare a nourishing meal. Another factor that lends toward overweight/obesity is genetic in nature. Some time ago gluttony was a necessity of existance. There was no refrigeration or any other means of food preservation so devouring one’s entire kill was necessary toward life sustenance. The inclination to overeat has not yet evolved out of our genetic disposition. When the two factors of inherent gluttony and readily available/relatively unhealthy food become homogenized it’s obvious as to why the obesity epidemic. The remedy is a coherent plan of diet and exercise. This plan must be continually monitered and adhered to. The motivation for steadfast adherence may come from vanity, the desire to feel good, financial considerations, the fear of one’s own mortality or the combination of any or all of these reasons or others. I, personally, am a fat man in an in shape body. My tendancy is to overeat. If I weren’t extremely proactive I would be obese. This inclination touches every aspect of my life and can never be very far from my conciousness. This perpetual awareness is what it takes for some people to remain in a healthy state. It’s not easy but the rewards are profound.
You should write a book or teach a lecture Robert! I agree, the issue of obesity is super complex with many contributing factors. I too have to make a conscious effort to keep the balance, but thankfully it has gotten easier “with practice.” High school and college years are just about the hardest time for health/weight issues. Thanks so much for your comment! xo
I somewhat agree with you Sarah, but being someone who is currently overweight – it is very hard to feel like you’re beautiful when people are constantly putting you down because of your appearance. Just last week, my GP Doctor actually said to me, you are a pretty girl – imagine what you would look like if you were thin. My GP said that to me. He is in a position of power, and he made me feel like crap.
When people put you down like that, it’s hard to pick yourself up. Unfortunately 10 compliments don’t outweigh someone saying something nasty.
Maria! I can see why it’d be hard to agree with experiences like that. I know you have to work double-duty in the self-love department when you’re experiencing a world that hurts you so much. I wish I could be that extra voice and cheerlead you (and also punch your doc in the face)… Please know that your beauty is seen by those who are given the ability to see it, meaning, those around you who are mean or cruel are seeing a reflection of something inside of themselves overlaid onto you. Not sure this can help your pain, but when I am in a similar emotional place my first step is to direct all my energy away from the negativity, and focus it on actions that will make me feel good, physically and mentally. Usually that’s a hike or a yoga class. It’s hard to feel bad when you’re endorphins kick in. Sending you much love and strength and positivity. xoxoxo Sarah
I absolutely loved this.
As a former ballet dancer, I spent most of my young life hating my own body. In college, I dieted and dieted and tried new fads just to stay thin. I got down to a size 2 by rarely eating and taking two advanced, and grueling, ballet courses a day in the hopes that I could leave school and fulfill my goal of dancing with a big company like Houston Ballet, San Francisco, ABT or the English National Ballet. When classes and injuries clashed and I had to give up my dream, I began to gain weight again and I completely shut down. It was like I had forgotten what it was like to be a normal person. I shut out that aggressive voice by pursuing hobbies that didn’t focus so much on my weight or my body type; I began to write more, spend more time in libraries reading good books and enrolled in some pressure-free acting classes. That was the first time I felt comfortable in my own skin. After taking some fun hip-hop, kickboxing and yoga classes at the gym and by eating healthy, my weight started to go back down again, and I managed to start appreciating good food again rather than feel guilty all the time.
I still struggle constantly with my body and my body image. A part of me thinks that I’ll never fully be cured of my body-dysmorphia, but I’m always striving to keep it closed off as it should be.
Thank you for writing something so profound about something we all struggle with in our own ways.
Wow, Melanie. That’s a profound story and I would bet that overcoming such difficulty is what has brought the most color and complexity to your person. Thanks so much for sharing it and for your kind words! I have a feeling that there are many, many girls following in your footsteps that will benefit from reading your story. xoxo Sarah
I love all your articles, Sarah! Thanks for being so encouraging.
Thank you, Becca
xox
I completely agree with al of this. It kind of also reminds me of Kelly Osbornes weight loss. She said practically the same thing this article states, weight loss is something you have to mentally be prepared for. Over eating definitely has some type of correlation with stress or a means of comfort rather than nourishment. Thank you for putting into words what many need to hear!
Thank you Jorelys!! I will have to find that and check it out! xox
Simply but packed with real truths…. Brilliant
Gosh, thanks Steph!
This woman tells it like it is! Brilliant!
Wowza, thanks Frank!!
To be honest, i disagree with this article. I was overweight, severely for my age and i was very unhappy. I believed that quite a few opportunities passed me by because of the way i looked and in hindsight, i see i was right. I wasn’t happy with the way i looked so i did something about it and i worked hard until i achieved my weightloss goals and my life has been improved massively. Sure i was harsh to myself during the weight loss but now i’m there it’s such a huge relief to know i have taught myself healthy eating habits and can still eat cake whenever i please. If you don’t like something about yourself change it, if you can. Point being though, being cruel to be kind isn’t always a bad thing as long as you come out of it knowing it doesn’t always have to be that way.
I agree with your last point, specifically that a healthy perspective is important and necessary, or as you put it, “…as long as you come out of it knowing it doesn’t always have to be that way.” I think for many it’s tough to keep an awareness of the future when you’re in emotional pain, but you sound like you have a healthy self-awareness and you sound very strong. Thanks for you comment! xo Sarah
http://fidenemini.tumblr.com/post/45056473240/i-am-a-curvy-size-14-the-average-dress-size-in
i just made this earlier before reading this.
Thank you for sharing! I will check it out
I really needed this! I’ve been really struggling with overeating/my weight lately, and I’ve been feeling like I need to lose weight to be prettier, and I need to lose weight to wear a bikini this summer. But I just need to focus on being mentally and physically healthy. I need to stop beating myself up over my body.
Thanks Jaime! I am very happy to hear that xoxoox
Sarah
This article is exactly what I needed :’( Thank you so much!
NP Tati, sending you love! xo
I agree. I think my weight went up when my parents got divorced when I was 10. BUT I was also an over achiever and when P.E. was mandatory in 7th grade and I got a C grade, I vowed to get an A. That was my motivation. I realized at 12 I was disciplined and athletic. It carried on through high school. Now, at 31 my motivation has changed. My husband and I are very “comfortable” with each other which has caused us to lose our high school sweetheart physiques over the years. Just having my second baby 6 weeks ago, I know what my motivation is now – overall health. Most days I feel like I’m a walking line of letter “Z’s”. It makes me sad that I get winded so easily and I crave afternoon naps everyday. My daughter started preschool last Monday and I walk her to and from her bus stop everyday which adds up to 2 miles a day. Baby steps. I literally changed up my eating habits this past Friday…it’ll be tough but worth it.
Thanks Christina! Your story has given me a bit of motivation, too! Thanks for sharing, xoox
Sarah
“Of course you know logically that this fantasy is false, but it’s hard to emotionally let go of it. That’s the most important part of this thought process: it’s an emotional one, not a rational one, and therefore not a productive or healthy thought process to go through.”
“Life is too short to spend any of it beating yourself up or hating yourself in any way.”
“Never treat yourself like an enemy. You’re in the only body you’ve got. Be good to you.”
Sarah, once again, you said it for me. I have never thought of myself as “fat”, but I did wish I were slimmer. Sometimes I still do. I’m pear-shaped and I’m a little too wide on the hips but I’m tall too, and it doesn’t show too much, I think. I’ve always had confidence issues and I still do, and this didn’t help. I used to hate my body, I used to feel like I had a structural flaw and nomatter what I did, I’d never be as slim as I wanted. But we can’t all look the same, we can’t all have the same body type, it’s as simple as that. If you manage to wrap it around your head, it frees you. Instead of trying to change our body, we should try to work with what we’ve got, try to find a way to turn the things that we perceive as flaws into things that makes us stand out from everyone else. It’s not very easy and we all have our occasional breakdowns, but this really is too small a problem to worry about.
I LOVE this article. Thank you! xx
Thank you Amalia!! So glad to hear that and I couldn’t agree more. After traveling a bit recently I started to realize how many beautiful and interesting faces there are outside of my bubble of LA. It’s a shame that everyone wants to look the same here. I hope that the culture will shift in favor of more diverse shapes and sizes in the future! xoxo Sarah
PS. Sarah, you told me once “I needed to blog” and recently I started a Tumblr. I’ve only written a few things and I’ve been inspired a lot by your work. If you want to see it, it’s on http://miranyx.tumblr.com/
AWESOME!!!! I am very excited to read it!!