Sometimes it’s hard not to look at certain people as lame. Or dumb or ignorant or untalented or whatever else you can think of that’s bad. Other times it’s hard not to feel like people are superior. Prettier, more intelligent, better that we’ll ever be. Many of us swing between these two eye-lines: we look down on others or we look down on ourselves. What happens when we look from this vantage point is that we end up looking there alone. It prevents us from hearing and seeing others as they truly are, and in extreme cases they can take on God-like qualities or seem worthy of hate. This pedestal-tendency tends to creep up on us: it’s almost like our 5-year-old selves are living deep inside us, and once in a while they tell us to revert. When you feel yourself beginning to pass judgments about someone, that places you on two separate planes. When you hear that voice inside you saying, “OMG this person is an idiot.” Or, “OMG, this person is perfect”, take notice and ask yourself, if maybe that instinct is false.
Whether we’re looking down or up, doing so robs us of the ability to connect and relate to others. It builds a wall of distance. It isolates us in a room with our own rambling brain, which is also probably full of insecurities. It prevents us from gaining new understanding, and maybe even friendships. It also in many ways, keeps us from feeling good about ourselves. When we are hateful or jealous or lesser or more than, it’s almost like it compromises a state of peace and love that we might otherwise have. Like a mud splatter has hit your windshield: this is not who you want to be, filled with these bad feelings.
When you judge another or yourself next to this other, the act in itself feels kind of bad. It’s an expression of something negative and ugly that removes our natural brightness. What if this bad feeling could be untangled and washed away? What if we could just float above the judgments, be unaffected by others and let go of our hate? Part of the path towards this goal is to feel like a truly loving and good person. When you practice compassion and love, and your goal is to be loving, you feel like a great human being. Because you have the truth of that goal as the inspiration for your actions, and it protects you from within.
A truly beautiful person emanates kindness. They do not punish others and they do not punish themselves. It’s like an inner brightness and peace others can see. They live outside the range of barbs thrown by others and they almost seem to float above judgment and jealousy. And more love and kindness comes back to them in return.
If you want to let go of judging people or being effected by the way they judge you, begin to take actions in your everyday life toward that goal. When you catch yourself acting negatively toward another person or thinking badly of them, stop and just consider the unknown. Consider that you might not see the entire person and their motives. Or simply decide you want to let that negativity go: for yourself, because you don’t want to be mean to someone, and for them, because you don’t want to inflict pain on another person. That is an action that is loving and good. And one that will over time, confirm to you that you are good. You are loving and humble. And in a way, that’s the only thing you ever need to know.
Happy Sunday, love to you all xo
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beautiful words!
Thank u Susie
Thank you Sarah. All too often I’ve found myself looking at other people and judging my own life negatively by my perceptions of theirs. Over the last few days this seems to have undergone a shift and I’m looking at my life as perfectly acceptable, and awesome in its own way. I took my first supported steps for a while yesterday, so I’m amazingly happy. Thanks yet again, Jessi xx
Yay! I like that. Very glad to hear it. xo
Love!
Thanks Emily!
Sarah this is by far my favorite article by you and something I have been striving for my whole life. Its so hard to fall back into negativity when you have had bad things happen to you in life and you just want to shut out the world. I am getting closer, and much of it has to do with loving yourself truly I have learned. You always seem to know the good tools people need to achieve such things. thank you for your lovely words as always every sunday
Wow ! Cool!!! Thanks Alycia, yes you are very right. I am so glad to hear your happy story! Keep going, and thanks for your comment
x
I’ve worked really hard to not be judgmental about people. But, so far, I can’t apply the lack of judgment to people who I think are better than me.
It’s a toughy, especially when you have such a love for people – like you do.
All I will say is there is no such thing as better, only different. x
Sarah, you’re doing it again! I thought I was the only one to think like that; it’s always quite a relief to see that I’m not. I try not to be judgemental but sometimes it’s just instict. It just comes out. And with me and my confidence issues, it usually comes out the “OMG this person is so perfect” way. But I am working on it. And you are very right, of course, to say that negative thoughts bring out negative energy and make us unattractive. I do believe that.
Thank you very very much. Have a great week! x
Thank you Amalia!! It’s a tough habit to overcome for shiz. And your friends are very lucky to have you. You are very honest and open, and that is a beautiful gift! xo thanks for your comment
I love reading yout posts…they are really inspiring to me!
I had the situation with a friend…the first time I saw her we didn’t connect and I thought she acted bitchy, so I decided that I didn’t like her! But I gave it a second chance when we met again and now we are really good friends! It would be very sad if I had missed this friendship because of my first opinion of her
Thank you Julia! I know how you feel, it’s funny how suddenly you can see someone as an entirely new person. So glad that you re-met each other! x
Well thought and well written. Confidence will serve to bridge both gaps. One has to get oneself into a place where the gauntlet of self assurance deflects the inevitable onslaught of mindless innuendo. Conversely, when one is sound in their own shoes, there is no need to utilize the cheap strategy of criticism for the sake of bringing others down.
Thanks Robert, couldn’t agree more
I can’t thank you enough for this words. Love to you too!!!!
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