Last night while studying, I received a very disturbing phone call from a friend – he got dumped. Immediately, I put down my four function calculator and poured a glass of red wine. I needed comfort. To make a long story short, he was dating (i.e. treating to fancy dinners) a chick that was not his usual type; she wore Burberry. His usual type wears … well, I don’t know, pasties? Kidding, but she was preppy to the max, a “girl next door” type, one you may consider safe.
Last week she told him that she feels he may want more than she does, and that she’s “busy and can’t be a good girlfriend right now.” When he told me, all I heard was “Blah blah blah I’m a whore blah blah blah right now.” He was by no means devastated, just irritated with the situation. He didn’t talk to her much the week following, just a few texts here and there. She called him yesterday and told him that “Someone came back into my life and I am going for it.” Well, that’s great, B, but what happened to being so busy that you can’t be a good girlfriend right now?
For the love of God! When someone says things like, “I’m too busy to date” or “I’m not ready for a relationship,” all they are saying is that they wont give up their single life for YOU. They are too busy for YOU. They are not ready for a relationship with YOU. I’m not saying my friend is dumb or naive – he knew all of this, which is exactly why he distanced himself after she unleashed her initial load of dog crap that she didn’t even have the decency to pick up. Okay, I don’t pick up my dog’s number 2, but this isn’t about me.
I don’t want her to date my friend if she doesn’t want to, but she could have handled things better or more honestly. As far as someone coming back into your life, as the saying goes, if you love something let it go, if it comes back its yours. UM, ARE YOU SERIOUS? If it comes back it’s not YOURS. Its back to ruin your life AGAIN. I don’t believe in grudges; I believe in the selfish act of forgiveness. That’s an entirely different article, though.
I read a book that taught me that a breakup is called a breakup because it’s broken. Sure, arguments and fights happen, and more often than not, relationships are stronger because of it. However, if you get to the point that you break up, getting back together may not be the best of ideas. I’m not going to pretend I haven’t been in an on again off again relationship; in fact, I tend to favor these relationships (I’m a creature of habit, sue me for my honesty); hypocritically speaking, she is doomed.
I am happy she is gone, because what else is going to be as much fun for me in 6 months than hearing about how my friend is back together with the preppy girl, then hearing her lame lines and lies, and then pouring myself a huge glass of wine to console me after she dumps him again? Simple answer. NOTHING! In all seriousness though, it is hard not to go back to someone who was once in your life. Things didn’t work out, it feels like a failure, and no one wants a failure on their record, especially when you feel you could have done something differently, or done something more. So we try and try again, we continue to hand over our heart piece by piece and trust that this person doesn’t destroy it again.
We have our doubts, but those few moments of feeling special, make the risk worth it. Soon enough, those moments come fewer and farther between. It isn’t until we realize that the reason we are handing over our heart in pieces is because the person we are handing it to is the same one who broke it, and it will never fully be repaired until we walk away and stop looking back. So go ahead, go back to the same person who damaged you, I have many times, and I’m a better person for it, but if there is one lesson I have taken with me, it’s that loving and trusting with your whole heart feels a hell of a lot better than loving with tiny pieces of a broken heart and doubt looming in that giant pit in your stomach.