EINTKILF Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From the Year 2013 Jessica Tholmer

Can you guys even believe that it is the last few days of 2013? I feel like I just started to write “2013″ instead of “2012″ on stuff, but at the same time, 2012 feels like it was a million years ago. The Inauguration was only this year?!? I don’t know about all y’all, but I had a huge year, and though not all of it was pleasant or comfortable or fun, I feel fulfilled and definitely ready to move on.

So keeping in mind that this is an entertainment column, I shall teach you what I learned from 2013, and I would love to hear your lessons, as well!

EINTKILF the Year 2013

1. Nostalgia is the best/worst. 

At the Superbowl, Beyoncé formed a Destiny’s Child “reunion” at the VMAs, Justin Timberlake allowed the other four members of N’Sync on stage with him for not even the entirety of “Bye, Bye,Bye” and they announced a spin-off to the long gone ’90s family hit Boy Meets World.

I used to feel so alone in missing all of the wonderful things from my childhood like simple video games, bad pop music and overly corny television shows. As I have grown older, I realize it is a near impossibility to get any of those things back, which truly makes me appreciate the efforts of others in reminding me of a simpler time. Even though Bey and JT did a fantastic job reminding us that they are the powerhouses from their groups, it is still thrilling to see them onstage with their beginnings.

Also, still heartbroken about the Full House rumors not being true. I am more of a Tanner than a Matthews. Can I get that on a tee-shirt?

2. Kids will won’t be kids. 

I probably shouldn’t even consider these people “kids” because I am about the exact same age as most of the following child stars, but I digress. When I watch Home Alone, I don’t think of Macaulay Culkin in his 30s (older than me), I think of him as an adorable little rascal that I want to hold. But anyway, some of the “kids” from my childhood really acted out this year, which shouldn’t surprise me, but certainly can bum me out.

We were forced to follow the downward (and now upward?) spiral of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes, who should have had her Twitter taken far, far away from her. I hear Bynes is doing better, and I can’t keep track of Lohan, but at least we always have Mean Girls. Besides the ladies, the wonderful Dylan Sprouse had a brief and well-handled “scandal” that involved naked pictures of himself leaking into the world. Because the Sprouse twins are perfect, everything was fine and the scandal was quickly snuffed, and if you don’t follow him/them on Twitter, I recommend it.

Oh, and Miley did some stuff.
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3. It is okay to cry.

I have always believed that it is okay to cry, but I extra believe it this year. I have gone on and on about it before, but I had a really hard time crying in front of people for a really long time, probably because I grew up with brothers and they punch you in the arm if you are crying over nothin’. But I am better at it this year, and I can cry in front of my friends (my roommate has seen me cry like twenty billion times), and I have a really wonderful boyfriend who makes me feel really normal about crying, so that’s fantastic because I never cried in front of the last jerk I dated.

But anyway, I wanted to say, even if it is a downer, that there were a lot of things to cry about this year, naturally. I wanted this lesson to be something about only the good dying young, but we lost Nelson Mandela this year. Though the inevitability of Mandela’s passing was clear, it didn’t hurt any less. The positive spin is that we saw an outpouring of tributes across the globe. I love nothing more than camaraderie of human beings, not just nations. Rest in peace, Mandela.

(And Paul Walker and Cory Monteith; the other two deaths that shook me.)

4. Twitter is (still) the whole world.

I am always going on and on about Twitter like I invented it (I tell people I did), but seriously, this year was even better for me and Twitter. Not only has it been a consistent and efficient tool for promoting my writing/myself (not in a weird way!), this was the year that I met Mandi Harris, formerly known to me as @mandiharris. She is someone I have been tweeting with for two years now, all because she asked me to keep her updated on my own personal Nick/Jess relationship I was going through. For some reason, we hit it off (yes, on Twitter), and she is hilarious and kind and she seemed really wonderful. Because neither of us are all that savvy about the dangers of the Internet, she bought a ticket to come visit my tiny hometown, stayed with me and my roommates for a weekend, and we really got to know each other.

Don’t worry, it all worked out. Much later, we realized that our plan was kind of funny since we had never even talked on the phone, yet I invited her to my home. Best decision ever, because though Twitter friends are really real (I have a few others that I love like real-life-friends (@LBennets!), it feels really nice to know Mandi in real life, as well.
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Oh and besides all of that, Twitter still rules social networking as not just the best place for news, but the best place for anything. Who found out about Beyoncé’s album because you were on twitter at the time it was released? That’s right.

5. Racism is still alive…

On another serious note, the Trayvon Martin murder was one of the worst moments of 2013, in my not so humble opinion. It was another example in a long list of examples of racism and injustice and discrimination that humiliated and saddened me deeply. Not only that, but I think the most controversial article I have ever written for HelloGiggles was the one about Martin. It was a rough few days receiving all of those mean emails and comments accusing me of racism for siding with the young Black boy who was killed.

Also, I am not a fan of Florida or Texas, and though that didn’t happen this year, I would like to throw out that those two states truly solidified their stupidity this year. No offense, liberal citizens of those places.

6. There really is someone for everyone. 

Kim and Kanye got engaged this year, in case you missed it, and though a lot of people hate Kim, Kanye or both (mostly I think it’s both), they certainly kept us entertained this year. From North West (who is so cute, and whose name I really do like), to the big ol’ engagement ring, to the way he actually proposed, to that silly “Bound 2″ video… you must admit it was amusing the whole time.
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But I think they are perfect for each other, so I support it. Also, if someone can fall in love with me this year, there really is someone for everyone. 

7. Young women with opinions are in!

Have you heard of Jennifer Lawrence?
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She ruled this year with her relatability and humor.
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She won a Leading Lady Oscar, and starred in a bunch of awesome movies. (Well, two, but that’s a lot.)
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She loves food, and swearing, and standing up for women.
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And best of all? She’s a Leo.

8. Love is love. 

This was the year for “same love,” and I don’t just mean the Macklemore song. Five states voted for or repealed former anti-marriage laws this year. I believe 16 of the states that build up our country have decided to stop being the worst at this point. Though I don’t mean to be a Negative Nancy–16 isn’t all that impressive in my mind–but I guess I should be happy about the progression of our acceptance. We have always been a slow-moving nation.

Oh, and even though I have my issues with Macklemore (as both a rapper, and as a straight white male who speaks on tough subjects that are easy for him to speak on), I will admit that it is really neat to have a song about marriage equality on the mainstream radio. And he’s from my hometown, so I will extend a slight “holla.”

9. The Oscars should be hosted by someone reputable.

I will not go on and on, I will just say, as an extreme Oscar expert, I am continually irritated when The Academy tries to “young it up,” and appeal to a crowd that is not watching the Oscars. I thought Anne Hathaway and James Franco were bad, but Seth Macfarlane?! For the love of all that is holy, I want to see someone who personally knows at least a third of the audience next time. I don’t mean viewers at home, I mean I want someone to host that can crack jokes at Jack Nicholson without potentially being beat up later.

Get these not-credible-enough people out of my show, everybody.

Thank god for Ellen DeGeneres.

10. Beyoncé.


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Yep. That’s it.
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Thank you for sticking with me and my EINTKILF for another entire year. I appreciate you guys to the moon and back. Here’s to a prosperous and joyful 2014. :)

Featured image via simplyleonardodicaprio, Miley image via guardianlv, Kimye image via nydailynews, JLaw gifs via here, here, here, and here; Bey and Jay image via lovethat.

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  1. Great list, Jessica! Now I am tempted to add you and your shout out friends to my twitterphere :)