Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From Sam Seaborn

I never have a hard time coming up with someone, or something to write about each week, but I had a really, really bad week last week. (WEEK WEEK WEEK!) I was sitting on the couch, staring at the wall, as I happened to do like a thousand times in the past few days (though this time, I wasn’t crying!), and I was like, “March 18th, huh? What should I write about?” and my roommate suggested, “something Irish?” and I blechhhhed, adding, “I hate St. Patrick’s Day.” Cause I do. I hate St. Patrick’s Day, and you know what else? I hate the month of March, and I have always hated the month of March, because it puts me in a bad mood, and I always blame the weather, or like…month long PMS, or the full moon, or the Ides of it or something, but anyway, I was thinking, you know what I don’t hate, though? That happens to fall on St. Patrick’s Day?

Rob Lowe’s birthday. Because I love Rob Lowe’s birthday, because it gave to me Rob Lowe.

So, obviously, my natural conclusion was to spend the rest of my week thinking about Sam Seaborn, one of about four men I truly do not hate this month.

EINTKILF Sam Seaborn

1. Don’t sleep with hookers.
Oh, come on, like this isn’t the main thing Sam taught us? Not to mention, the most hilarious?

Donna: Um…
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Sam and his prostitute friend.

Absolutely no offense meant to the very lovely Laurie, who is actually an amazing little bit character played by the fabulous Lisa Edelstein, who I wish could play me in a movie, but she is a lot tinier than I am, though our heads might be the same size.

2. How to fire someone.
After Ainsley Hayes begins working at the White House–gasp! A blonde! female! Republican!–she experiences a bit of harassment by some jerks by the names of Brookline and Joyce. After they leave Ainsley dead flowers and a note that says “bitch” on it, Sam storms into their office and fires them in the best way probably ever.

Sam: You know what, guys? When I write something, I sign my name. Here, I’ll show you.

Sam: Do you have any idea how big a harassment suit you just exposed us to? She just…she works here, which is more than I can say for either one of you.

Best man alive, which leads me to my next lesson:

3. How to defend someone.
If you guys should know one thing about me, it is that I have seen Titanic a lot of times. But if you should know a few things about me, one of them is that I absolutely lovvvvvvvvvvvvvve when people defend their loved ones. I love being defended, and let me tell you, I am the most defensive, protective friend in the world. You would kill to have me on your side.

Sam, in all of his adorable glory, is quite protective: of Josh, of Toby, of the President, of course, and most adorably, of Leo McGarry. When Leo is under investigation for his past drug habit, Josh and Sam have to answer questions directed at them by an enemy of the Bartlet administration by the name of Something Something Claypool. Josh, hot-headed, super sexy Josh Lyman, loses his temper when Claypool insults Leo and tries to physically attack him. Sam, a little cooler than Josh, steps in, but defends Leo regardless:

Sam: You’re a cheap hack. And if you come after Leo, I’m gonna bust you like a pinata.

Now, I think I pick Josh over Sam, but I am really into anger. It’s a thing I’m working on…kinda.

4. “An inch in length of hair can determine smugness versus casual-handsome.”
Only in quotes because it is a lesson pointed out to me by my awesome friend, Jess (look, I like people named Jess, okay?) who is a huge West Wing fan, as we all should be.

Okay, so the pictures are hard to see, but his hair in season four is pretty much telling us that he is leaving the show.

5. “There are certain things you’re sure of — like longitude and latitude.”
One of my favorite quotes, and it actually makes me feel better about life.

…even though I’m not a numbers girl, I know I can trust in latitude and longitude.

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