Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From Rachel Green

As promised, I will continue to write about characters that remind me of myself to honor myself throughout my birthday month. Hey, if you don’t honor yourself, who will, you know what I mean? I don’t even know if that’s a thing, but it is so early and I cannot fall back asleep, so I’m just going to roll with it.

This week is actually the week of my birthday (Saturday!) so what better character to write about than Rachel Karen Green? Besides the fact that Friends is my favorite show of all-time (okay, okay, I dunno–tied with The Simps), Rachel is my favorite character on the show. For a long time, Ross held steady in the top spot, but as I have entered the actual age of the characters on the show, I find myself eerily similar to Rachel. Thank god I don’t have a rich dad who spoiled me growing up, or there would be basically no difference.

Sigh, I will be sad when I have run out of Friends to write about!

Happy birthday, me!

EINTKILF Rachel Green

1. Being ditzy doesn’t make you dumb.
I love the character development of Rachel. There are so many times she could have easily been chalked up to like a “dumb blonde” type of girl (though I know she’s not exactly blonde) but she has so much more depth to her personality than that. She is clearly not as book-smart-smart as Ross, but she could never rightfully titled “dumb.” I  love this because I pretty much feel exactly that way about myself. I am a smart young woman, but I would probably be insulted if someone suggested that I was book-smart, and I certainly have more moments than I can count where I don’t know something that everyone else knows. Like pretty much anything about anatomy, or animals, or like…anything having to do with science. Or geography. 



2. Looks are important.
When Ross makes his cruel pros and cons list about Racheml, one of the offending marks against her is that she is “too into her looks.” I am the first person to defend being “too into” one’s looks. First of all, I think appearance is very important. The way you present yourself to the world speaks volumes. I don’t care if you like makeup or don’t, or if you have short or long hair, it still applies. Rachel is very pretty (DUH) and I think I’m pretty too (which I think is okay to say) and I don’t think there is anything wrong with making sure you look good every day. Dressing up and feeling good about yourself is one of the best things anyone can do for him/herself, so SHUT UP, ROSS. YOU JERK. 

3. It’s okay to be jealous.
I am starting to realize that I am slowly trying to peg myself as the expert on jealousy, but I don’t even care. I feel super passionate about the jealousy thing. I am always encouraging people to recognize and even sometimes embrace their feelings of jealousy. No, I don’t think anyone should do anything crazy because they are jealous, but I do think acknowledging jealousy and even finding the endearment in it is important. I remember the first time I was jealous ever in my life. For years and years I was the girl who was never jealous of other girls because I had never met someone who I felt threatened by. The men I liked always liked me, so what was there to be jealous of? And then, this boy I was totally in love with, had me wrapped around his stupid extra tiny little finger and he knew it and even though we had been kind of a thing, he was openly all over this girl who came to visit our mutual friends. Now, I hate this about myself, that I didn’t like this perfectly nice young woman because of a dumb boy, but it was true. I wanted to kick her out of my town and our lives. She was my nightmare: tiny, blonde, Christian, tattooed and super hip with a cigarette and a Pabst and she still looked adorable with that little button nose. 

To make a long story short, I had a lot of red wine in a very little amount of time with basically no food in my stomach, obviously got sick, and still refused to leave the party because I was so worried that this boy was going to fall in love with the cute hipster girl.

The conclusion I shall save for my memoirs, and I shall continue on about the real Rachel. I love when Ross and Rachel get jealous of each other’s respective love interests, and the times in which I feel most kindred to Rachel are, as I like to call them, The Julie Days.


I love Rachel when Julie is around because she doesn’t even just get crazy jealous of Julie and Ross, but she gets mad at Monica too. I once told my guy friends that my ex could date whoever he wanted, but they weren’t allowed to like her. It’s somehow way worse when your friends like the new chick, ugh.

4. Loving your girlfriends is important.
Rachel’s relationships with Monica and Phoebe, separate and as a trio, are the greatest. I am a girl who loves her girlfriends more than everyone else in the world, and I love seeing Rachel treat her girlfriends with as much love and passion as she treats anything else in life. 

totally judge people on their friendships. Don’t trust women that don’t have close friendships with other women.

5. Loving your boy-friends is important, as well.
…even if they all fall in love with you.

I have a lot of guy friends, and I know that at least the married and the gay ones are not in love with me.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1543785277 Sara Steffan

    One thing I think you could add — it’s not the end of the world if you leave your perfect-on-paper fiance at the altar because you don’t love him. And it’s also not the end of the world if you go to his wedding and completely embarrass yourself. She was gutsy for even going in the first place!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001016783081 Jess Tholmer

      A wonderful Rachel lesson, you are right! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=25914046 Missy Hovland

    So I mis-read #3 and thought you said that they boy you liked had an additional finger that was very small. Like a bonus-Jonas, but creepy and overly petite instead. It was rather disturbing, until I re-read.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=509485829 Rebekah Joy Drabenstot

      Your comment made me LOL. I had to go back and look. I can totally see why you would have thought that!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001016783081 Jess Tholmer

        Oh my gosh Missy. That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=76200829 Jessica Jeffers

    I think the best thing anyone can learn from Rachel is that it may be scary to step out into the world on your own, but it’s something just about anyone can learn to manage.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001016783081 Jess Tholmer

      Perfect, perfect, perfect. You are totally right.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1040874324 Gabriela Di Muro

    I cried with number 10, and just realize I’ve learned a lot from Rachel too, my favorite EINTKILF so far.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001016783081 Jess Tholmer

      Aww so much love to you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=797755418 Jennifer Hunsicker

    I kinda disagree with No. 10. I think it was foolish for her to stay. It’s not like they couldn’t have made it work or gotten together later. “Hey Ross, we all know we’re in love and going to get married, but until then I’m going to go and do this really awesome thing that I’ve dreamed about for forever!” Love is allowing the other person to grow and experience life, not keeping them close by in a little box while YOU get to do whatever you want. Hated that Ross got to enjoy his tenure, but she had to give up Paris. It wasn’t like she was going to war, people. Who knows, maybe after a few weeks/months she might’ve changed her mind and decided Paris wasn’t for her? She didn’t even get the chance to try it really. And who knows, maybe they would’ve all decided that growing up is for lameos and moved back in together for another bazillion seasons? We can dream, right?!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001016783081 Jess Tholmer

      I disagree with you, obviously based on my number 10, but I appreciate that perspective. I think Rachel didn’t really want to go to France, or she definitely would have. She was never the kind of woman to do something JUST for a man, but after all of that time, I would have stayed and created my family instead of moving countries. But you’re right. They would have made it work regardless, though it would have made for a SUPER lame last episode of Friends! Can you imagine? :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=834302377 Valentina Carrasco Yanjarí

      If The Hills taught me anything is that you should NEVER pass on an oportunity because of some boyfriend, although in this case it wasn’t just some guy.. it was Ross! Besides, she had 2 job offers that she liked and I don’t know why, but I always thought that maybe she did went to France and Ross joined her or she took the other offer and was just as happy.. I mean, I never saw it like she had to sacrifice something to be with Ross :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=28204868 Alyssa Brolsma

    “…and I think I’m pretty too (which I think is okay to say)…” Just wanted to share that I love this comment, and I think it’s fantastic to say.

    Oh, that and I’m fairly certain I’ll now need to binge-watch Friends… again…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=25913481 Miranda Eubanks

    Ahh, the crying one, definitely! Great list, I love Friends :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=105103217 Rachael Green

    yes. my name is rachael green!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1149874511 Pámela Zamora

    I know, I´m going to be that a*ss in this time, I actually haven´t written the whole thing, I just got to see number 2 and started thinking a little bit of what you were saying, hey, it is your opinion, and I completely respect it, though I would like to just point out the fact that it would be (for me) better if women in general cared a little bit less about looks, there is a strong poem, I´m just going to share it with you, it is very entertaining and worth watching http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0 and hopefully you can see what I mean, I think that well, everybody thinks differently, but it would be good if maybe we tried encouraging different kinds of thinking

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1308467763 Cristhel Leguizamon

    Hi! I totally loved everything as always, and specially because this included my dear Rachel Green <3
    I have one question though, why do you say you don't trust women without close relationships with other women?
    This actually touched me cause I didn't have a close relationship with a woman (except for my mom) until this year, because after the girl who was my bff turned to be really mean to me and did horrible things, I didn't have a close girl friend. I also know a girl who doesn't have a close relationship with other women, not even her mother, but she is one of the most true and down to Earth people I've ever met.

    Thank you for your time <3

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=5901689 Chloé Pascual

    I love your post, and how honest you were. This was lovely. I have one to add:
    11) Even if you’ve been working jobs you don’t care about throughout your twenties, you can still find meaningful work that you are good at. I always found that a rewatching of “The One Where Rachel Quits,” was a great way to psych myself up for résumé writing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707865957 Erin O’Neill

    I think you are the only person I have ever heard/read that put Ross as their favorite Friends character. (Even if Rachel took his place.) I think that makes you more Rachel Green than any other thing on this list!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001016783081 Jess Tholmer

      Eeeee. Best compliment ever! I’m a Ross <3er forever!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736998890 Virginie Bermann

    I am much more like Monica, for her control freak attitude (I’m not into cleaning but I like to charge of everything :/ ) and because I love cooking and having people at home. I’m not the jealous type because when you have a good relationship there’s no reason to be (and being jealous doesn’t prevent you from being cheated on…).
    And I couldn’t be like Rachel because of her on and off relationship with Ross, I would have dropped my feelings for him for a long long time I think. I like when things are a little complicated but not for too long ! But I admire Rachel because she has so much grown up since season 1 !

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=689257147 Sarah Braekman

    I don’t have a close relationship with my girlfriends… but I’m sweet, kind, trustworthy, funny… I’m OK!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1421016041 Leilani Pearce

    I watched all 10 seasons of Friends on DVD during my first pregnancy. I wouldn’t say I am an expert, and I think I may need to re-watch them, but I agree and can find truth in most of your post. :)

    Like some other readers, I have to slightly disagree with trusting girls with close friendships with other girls, and not trusting those who do not. I think that I wouldn’t trust a girl who is in a circle of tight-knit friends and speaks horribly about them behind their backs. Someone who isn’t a true friend, a girl who doesn’t support and empower her girlfriends is definitely a girl not to trust. I feel saying that you shouldn’t trust a girl who is friendless, isn’t something I learned from watching Friends.

    I got married young and lost some friends just because I wasn’t available in the same way to hang out all night. Then I walked away from my religion, which pretty much killed off any dwindling friendships I had. Then to put the nail in the coffin of the one close friendship I had left, my young family was put in a position where it was beneficial to move out of state, like 7 states away. So now I have no friends. And I am a perfectly trustworthy, kind, loving individual who has had the toughest time finding friends due to the fact I have a full time job, a husband, two young elementary aged children and a love of spending time with those who I love.

    And I know I am not alone in regards to being friendless, yet trustworthy.

    Maybe that isn’t exactly what you meant, but it came across that way. ::hugs::

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000542550963 Robert Remillard

    Jennifer Aniston is my fantasy girl. If she sends her limo I’m getting in.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=737451080 Fernanda Baldeon Roca

    What happened with you at that party? did you go or waited until the end?…anyway…Chandler was my favorite and I don´t havethat close female friends but I think I´m trustable anyway =)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=700741819 George Efstratios Banis

    Many of these points were great, and I love Jennifer Aniston. However, I couldn’t jump on the Rachel Green bandwagon because I couldn’t help but notice that she was incredibly shallow when it came to men, and she still felt she was out of people’s leagues until she got to know them well. Point being: she often judged a book by its cover.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001016783081 Jess Tholmer

    To the ladies who commented about not having close girlfriends: I am sorry! You are totally right. Sometimes situations are out of one’s control, and having had a very terrible falling out with my best-ever-girlfriend, I am simply lucky to have other girls stick by my side. I think the whole lot of you are trustworthy, and I will be your girlfriend!


  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=81505002 Christina Mak

    LOVE THIS!!!

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