EINTKILF Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From DJ Tanner Jessica Tholmer

I never had a sister, and I wanted one so very much when I was wee. When my youngest brother (of three brothers total) was born, I cried because he was, alas, a boy. It was my destiny to be surrounded by sniveling, hilarious men for the rest of my life. My theme song should seriously be Katy Perry’s ‘One of the Boys’. That being said, I had to find big sisters in fictional television shows instead. DJ Tanner wins—she was the big sister I always wanted and never had.

I have a friend now that is kind of like a big sister to me, but she’s nothing like DJ Tanner. She’s a way bigger bully.

Everything I Need to Know I Learned from DJ Tanner

1.       Aunts are the best.
The relationship between DJ and Aunt Becky was the second cutest only because I have a creepy obsession with Jesse and Michelle’s relationship.  DJ was always missing something due to her mother’s untimely passing, so when Jesse started dating Danny’s hottie Wake Up, San Francisco! co-star, DJ got the maternal/big sister role model she always craved. If only all aunts were this cool.

2.       Don’t dress like your teacher.
Until college, I never had a teacher I would have ever wanted to dress like, but DJ made this fatal mistake on her first day of middle school, nonetheless! She spent her lunch break eating in a telephone booth because she was having such a bad day. My question is: how in the world did both DJ and her super nerdy teacher find that outfit appealing?

3.       Blondes don’t suck.
You know what’s unfair? How often brunettes, redheads and blondes are set up against each other. I will fully admit that I give in and talk mad smack about blonde women like it is my job. I need to stop that behavior immediately, because you know who I had pictures of in my room when I was a kid? Not JTT or a New Kids on the Block guy, but Donna Jo Tanner. She is like… the prettiest girl ever. (Especially now.)

Plus, my mom is blonde.

4.       Don’t fall asleep at your boyfriend’s house.
Boys didn’t realize what a fox I was until college, so I never, ever had this problem, though I admittedly always wanted it. I fell asleep at a boy’s house once in high school, but no one cared because he was a family friend and it was a very nonthreatening situation and I slept on the couch with his cat. So, anyway, Danny gets totally mad and comes to break into Steve’s house or something and then DJ and Danny have this, “Oh, my little girl is growing up so fast” conversation, which is super touching. (Oh yeah, I cry at almost every episode of Full House, because I’m a big, big freak.) I’m pretty sure Deej gets grounded for her recklessness, but I’m sure she got treated to ice cream, as well.

5.       Don’t let your friends drive drunk.
I got nothin’ funny to say about this one. The mother in Full House passed away because of an accident caused by a drunk driver, and she is referenced numerous times throughout the series. She sounded like a great, fictional person, but to be real, drunk driving isn’t funny. The episode where Kimmie gets drunk and tries to drive home and DJ stops her and then they have a super emotional conversation about it the next day is one of my favorite episodes. Bawl City.

6.       When your boyfriend is a Disney voice actor, you will see him everywhere at Disneyland.
This means that if your boyfriend is a server, you will see him at every restaurant. If your boyfriend is a Starbucks barista, you will see him at every Starbucks you go into. If your boyfriend is President of the United States of America, I wonder how he got elected, because I’m pretty sure the nation would never vote for a bachelor.

Keep up, guys. STEVE IS ALADDIN.

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  1. I like the episode Working Girl from Full House, because I learn some good things from it. Plus, I’m glad DJ decided to put her paycheck in the bank, although I smile at the part where she says to her dad Danny, “Dad, can I have a raise in my allowance?” I think every parent in history has heard those words from their kids quite often, too. :)

  2. I also like Full House, and I like to watch it so I can get some ideas for stories I write. I also like the episode Back to School Blues from Season 3. It’s the first day of junior high for D.J. Tanner (also one of my favorite characters, besides her best friend Kimmy Gibbler), and she’s learning the hard way that she’s not in elementary school anymore. In addition to being called a “scrub” by the mean girl 8th graders, Deej is humiliated when she realizes she’s wearing the same exact outfit as the school’s geekiest teacher! Day 2 means tons of makeup and a sleazy new outfit.

    “I just want people to like me.”

    Oh, that gets me every time.

  3. Number 10 was my favorite. Ice cube “Popsicles” anyone?

  4. …and when the soft music starts to play, you know you aren’t grounded anymore and your dad / uncle / joey / sister doesn’t hate you.
    But eating before you work out was a big one for me….that elliptical dj was on was no joke.
    http://Www.fiterature.com

  5. HOW DID I NOT KNOW STEVE IS ALADDIN?!! Disney Generation FAIL.

  6. Love this

  7. If I could get some more readers on my newest blog post It would be AMAZING. I love HELLO GIGGLES!!!!!!! I write a relationship blog with a sometimes humorous twist and the blog posts on this site completely inspire me. If you have a spare moment Jessica, here’s the link!

    http://0itsuptous0.blogspot.com/2012/04/yes-its-another-post-about-pms.html

    <3

  8. I thought it was “ouse cream” :)

  9. I liked the Disney World episode. DJ was seeing Steve everywhere, and I was old enough to know he was the voice of Aladdin, and I was in love with him. I remember eating cottage cheese the night the episode when he showed up because he saw her in the supermarket. I don’t know I remember that all these years later, but it’s probably because when he said cauliflower, I heard cottage cheese.

  10. i always liked the one where stephanie gets her ears pierced without permission probably because i wanted my ears done so bad but my dad wouldn’t let me

  11. I love Full House!! I watch it as much as I possibly can, and I think it’s one of the reasons that I love “Aladdin” so much. (Some sort of subconcious thing-a-ma-bob.) I’m guessing like most girls, I wished I was Aunt Beaky. One of my most favorite episodes is when Jesse and Becky make their lists of past relationships, and Jesse comes out with about 1,000 pages, with only Becky’s name on it!!! EEP!!! :)

  12. I have to say… one of my most favourite Full House episodes is still the one where Jesse is learning to say no to the boys. They get in trouble and are sent upstairs to bed without dinner, and Jesse, being the huge SOFTY he is, goes to smuggle them ice cream. Becky catches him and gives him this really wonderful/horrible talk about how much she loves him, and how proud she is that he’s being such a great dad regardless of how hard it is… and gives him a big hug before going downstairs. And that feeling of shame and ‘Really?!’ and huffing as he pulls two bowls of melted ice cream out from under his shirt in a well-taught lesson on parenthood.

    …Man, I need to just REWATCH this ENTIRE SHOW now.

  13. This article is completely amazing. Glad someone else shares my Full House obsession…

  14. I love love love love love this <3 I loved full house so much as a child that I lied to my fourth grade class that Jodie Sweetin was a long lost cousin of mine and she was staying at my house. Yeah, I lost all of my friends that year haha….DJ Tanner did indeed teach me many valuable lessons growing up also :)

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