Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From ‘Clueless'

Besides DJ Tanner, when I was a child, the prettiest woman in the world to me was Alicia Silverstone. Not only did I love Clueless, but I loved Aerosmith, and she was in, like, ALL of their videos. (Puh-lease don’t fact check me, because she quite possibly could have only been in one video.) Clueless is most def one of those movies that is way funnier when you get older, but you know what, I was an incredibly mature kid who just thought Dionne was really pretty, so I still enjoyed watching it. Without further ado:


1. “You divorce wives, not children.”
I must admit, and it is a total ’90s movie thing (which is my whole world, basically), that I love Cher’s dad because he is a total grumpy old man who has a heart of something more expensive than gold. He tells Cher, after defending why Josh still comes to the house, that children are way more important than wives, more or less. I have to say, I totally agree, because, you know…bros before yadda yadda yadda. It is like that stupid saying, but way more impactful.

2. How to form friendships.
Cher and Dionne are the best of friends, but when I was younger, I did not realize they were only 15 and/or 16 years old. I mean, let’s be real – everyone is best friends when they are that young. I had, like, five best friends, and I only still talk to two of them. However, Cher says something that always stuck with me: “She’s my friend because we both know what it’s like to have people be jealous of us.” I never made a friend like that, and at now 25 years old, maybe I should.

3. High school boys are like dogs.
Cher doesn’t date boys in high school, which she claims is a choice everybody has to make. She thinks high school boys are not worth her time, and funny thing–she is so right. Though I was in love with one boy throughout high school, he was not in high school, so I always empathize with Cher on this subject. However, I have done a ripe job of wasting my time with boys that act like they are still in high school since I’ve been in my 20s. BLAH BLAH BLAH I feel like all of my “boys will be boys” jokes are getting old, but I can’t help it! I spit the truth!

4. Kenny G is uncool…not.
I side with Josh on this: whatever! Kenny G is so cool. What the hell is Christmas without him? Story: Kenny G and I are both from Seattle and we are both Starbucks shareholders (am I allowed to tell you that?) and I also work for Starbucks, so I usually attend the annual shareholder event. This past year, I saw him there and he actually smiled at me. I had to refrain myself from A) hugging him or B) scrunching his beautiful curls and asking him what product he uses. We have so much in common; I just think we could be great friends.

5. Two permits do not equal a license.
Cher and Dionne are the worst drivers ever. Who is actually that bad, licensed driver or not? To be fair, I pulled a Dionne the first time I drove on the freeway in class. (Except for the making out with the passenger part.) Holy moly, how scary!

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=865990161 Frogmella Farquharson

    I use the word sporadically at least 3 times a week because of clueless.
    It also taught be about The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1848945539 Lory Roly Ortile

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1848945539 Lory Roly Ortile

    one of my favorite movies ♥

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=96403674 Erin Elizabeth Davis

    Great article! And yes I agree… Paul Rudd IS the most adorable creature on the planet

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=889350485 Erica Malanga

    Ace article!! Who knew Clueless had so many life lessons?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1246463049 Tiffany McCormick

    Love this! This was (and might still be) my favorite movie! I too was obsessed with Cher Horowitz and anything she said was the gospel. And I agree with the first comment…The Mighty Bosstones might have never made it into my playlist without this movie!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1132877381 Kate Lord

    Growing up, I rented Clueless so many times off of pay per view, that my parents finally broke down and bought me my own VHS copy of it… With the proviso that I never rent from pay per view again!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=560819298 Sarita Alexander

      how bad is it that I have the VHS and the DVD?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=76400394 Alex English

    Love it!! Great list Jessica! :) I did something similar on my blog – would love your commentary. http://www.remarqed.com/film/clueless-what-i-learned-from-cher-horowitz/

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=63804983 Lyndsay ‘Hunt’ Boettcher

    I just love that Clueless is a great adaptation of Emma.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505465087 Penny Lane Emerson

    LOVE CLUELESS. Timeless! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=47402275 Cristina Moreno

    Everything. Absolutely everything. This movie came out when I was 12 and I remember begging my mom to let me go see it with a friend. I know that I loved it immediately, but I didn’t quite understand every reference until I got a bit older. Clueless is an unbelievably clever film and every ounce of positive attention it received (and continues to receive) is completely warranted.

    And yes, the first time I saw Emma, I had no idea Clueless was based off of it and I found myself thinking that the characters seemed familiar somehow. “Oh wow, this person is just like Tai in Clueless. She IS Tai! Ohhhhh.” Not one of my finest moments.

    In conclusion: You know someone’s cool when they randomly drop, “Rolling With My Homies” into conversation.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=514333260 Micha Z Medenciy

    YES to all of that. ^_^

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=560819298 Sarita Alexander

    ah clueless… my go to fave veg out movie, that I have bestowed upon my niece, and we totally have clueless sleepovers where we watch/quote the entire movie. and not sporadically.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=72204981 Nadine Deslongchamp

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=72204981 Nadine Deslongchamp

    Coffee stunts your growth…especially if you want to be 5’10 like Cindy Crawford…I think that should have made the list :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=645751082 Lucy Cox

    I love this!! :) I love all of your EINTKILF posts, but especially this one because I love Clueless. I loved it when i was younger but it does get much better as you get older. Also Paul Rudd is so gorgeous! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=696952113 Kristine Chan Javier

    You make me wanna watch Clueless again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000110648495 Yvette Miranda

    Clueless is the one of my favorite movies!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1573142267 Elizabeth Espinosa

    i still listen to sthe soundtrack…NOTHING gets me moving like “Kids in America”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003819865640 Lauren Lamoree

    also dont smoke weed everyday only at parties

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