EINTKILF Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From Carrie Bradshaw Jessica Tholmer

Happy last Monday of August! Do you guys know what this means?? It means that fall is officially here. Yeah, yeah, I know that September can be really beautiful, and that the actual first day of fall is not for a few more weeks, but let’s not front. That crisp feeling is in the air, apples are starting to sound delicious, and you are lying if you claim to have not thought about your Halloween costume at least once.

But. Before we go, I have one more installment in characters-that-remind-me-of-me. I got the quirky (George), ditzy (Rachel), and feminist (Lisa) out of the way–now it is time for the lady I identify with the most: Miss Carrie Bradshaw. For we are both romantic, independent, messes.

EINTKILF Carrie Bradshaw

carrie

1. Love your damn self.
Everyone knows that wonderful Carrie quote: “Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first.” It is like a Pinterest girl’s dream, right?

But really, I am always preaching the whole “love yourself” thing. It is literally impossible to expect any sort of functionality in any of your relationships if you have no love for yourself. I haven’t ever struggled with loving myself, but I constantly get involved with men who have a hard time loving themselves. Men with too many insecurities are my freakin’ kryptonite. I have never, ever liked a confident man. I wonder what that would be like.

So, men out there who actually read HelloGiggles (and you should because it is not just for girls) and/or who are trying to get with me, I am telling you this, and you should listen to me because I am super smart: If a beautiful, smart, amusing, and cooperative young woman (like myself) likes you, don’t pull that “I’m not good enough for her” crap. Hold your head up high, trust her phenomenal intuition, thank your lucky stars, and for the love of god, do not let your insecurities ruin a great thing.

Just saying…love yourself, and let others love you too. Everyone deserves it.

2. The real reason to watch sports.

Carrie
: Miranda was a huge fan of the Yankees. I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment.

Hey now. I don’t smoke cigarettes or anything, but I mean…everything else is true. If I ever say yes to a sporting event, it is because I A) either have a crush on someone B) want to drink in the middle of the day or C) the ticket was free. Let’s be real, I like holidays for the same reason.

3. Life just isn’t fair.

Carrie: The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.

You know what I always say, whenever anything “bad” happens in my life? In life, there are no guarantees. Human beings have such a sense of entitlement to us. We expect that everything is going to work out in our lives. Why? Why do we think we all deserve the perfect job, the perfect-stressless relationship? The functioning parental units? The huge bank account, and nice cars that never break down? The perfect metabolism so we can eat whatever we want without putting effort into our figures? Why do we all think that we get to have all of that?

There have been a ton of things in my life that most people would consider relatively “unfair,” but I don’t really like to look at life in that way. No, I do not think it is unfair that my family was poor growing up, because there was nothing written in my contract at birth that guaranteed that we would be posted up in some mansion in Marysville, Washington. It’s alright, guys. A lot of people are poor. It builds character anyway. Diversity is vital.

I have had my heart broken like a thousand times, or at least it seems that way. And whenever I meet a man that I click with immediately, something has to happen to complicate the situation. He always has a girlfriend, or a wife, or a job that will move him across the country, or he doesn’t live near me even initially, or….he gets in the way of his own happiness (see #1). Do I think it is unfair that I can never find and stay in a functional relationship? Nah, because I would have absolutely nothing in common with Carrie Bradshaw if that were the case.

The universe has my back. It is all writing fodder. One day, I’ll be snatched up and settled down and I will have to mom blog, so I really gotta soak up these interesting moments.

4. Make the world your own.
Carrie-Bradshaw-tutu
Aka wear a tutu for no good reason.

5. Imperfection is perfection.

Carrie
: I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.

Whenever I feel like the most put-together woman in all of the land, I look down and notice a rip in my tights.

I don’t straighten my hair often because I think my big, unpredictable curls are more indicative of my personality. Someone called it “organized chaos” the other day, and I thought that should probably be engraved on my headstone one day.

I write these kinds of pieces that make other women email me thank yous for helping them normalize their own thoughts, but I too have friends that get the ridiculousjessicawhotalksreallyfastandrepeatsherconcernsovereverylittleaspectofherlovelifeever, which is really how I feel all of the time, I just wax poetic about these things on the internet. In real life, I’m a mess.

I don’t even ever want my hair to be perfect. I don’t even ever want to have everything figured out. Life isn’t a blueprint. You cannot plan it all out.

Imperfect people are my favorite kind anyway.

6. It is okay ideal to not settle.

Carrie: When it comes to relationships, maybe we are all in glass houses and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

I wrote something not all that long ago about how I need to relax and let my friends that insist on settling do just that. I cannot make everyone’s choices for them, and I am starting to realize that it is offensive to even try to do so. Some people prefer comfort: the white picket fence, two and a half kids life. Some people prefer recklessness: job jumping, and promiscuity. And some people (this girl) prefer passion. I put up with a lot from men, but never from a man who doesn’t give me butterflies. Maybe that is wrong, but it is the only way I know.

7. Girlfriends are life.
Sex and the City

Carrie: No, I know I have you guys, but…and really, I hate myself a little for saying this, but…it felt really sad not to have a man in my life who cares about me. No special guy to wish me happy birthday. No goddamn soulmate. And I don’t even know if I belive in soulmates.
Charlotte: Don’t laugh at me, but maybe we could be each others soulmates? And then we could let men be just these great nice guys to have fun with?

I talked about it with Rachel Green, but I have girlfriends like this. I have girlfriends that will trump a man any day of my whole life. That’s just the reality of friendship.

8. It’s okay to mess up.

Carrie: Life gives you lots of chances to screw up which means you have just as many chances to get it right.

…I’m still waiting to get it right. Maybe we all are.

9. There is no “one.”

Charlotte: Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life.
Carrie: Everyone who? Where’d you get that?
Charlotte: I read it in a magazine.

Now, I remember watching this episode by accident last year and freaking out, ala Carrie when Charlotte tells her her two great loves were Aidan and Big–two men she had already been with and (at that point) not ended up with. Carrie freaks out about being “done” with the great loves of her life, and while watching this episode, I freaked out too.

But there are lots of different kinds of love, and how is anyone supposed to know who the Great Love is until it is over? Sure, there are some of you lucky ones out there who fell in love young and you will be married to that One forever, and that’s really sweet, and you have your answer. But for the rest of us, how do we know which love will be The Big One?

The first love when you were 16? The first boyfriend in your early 20s? The one who helped you recover from that heartbreak so seamlessly? The one whose timing is always off but understands you better than anyone else?

I don’t know, guys. Who the hell will be waiting for me on my Titanic in the sky?

(My Big Love is the man who appreciates that reference.)

10. It is okay to be a hopeless romantic.

carrie-and-big-2-carrie-and-big-2753800-500-344

Carrie: I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.

Sigh. Me too.

Cornball out. <3

Featured image via fyeahcarriebradshaw, tutu image via bigblondehair, girlfriends image via theguardian.com, Big image via fanpop.com

comments

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  1. I love this article! It’s just what I needed today. Thanks.

  2. I love this, Jessica! Hope you know girls in Kenya are also reading your posts :D

  3. love love loveeeee this!

  4. “I put up with a lot from men, but never from a man who doesn’t give me butterflies.”
    Love this line. My guy frustrates me to no end, but he still gets me all a flutter. :-) Glad to know someone else feels this too.
    Also…
    “Who the hell will be waiting for me on my Titanic in the sky?”
    This comment made the entire article for me.
    Well done you!!

  5. ‘Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty, sexy, and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.’

    I’ve always liked this one. I think I would add “if anyone at all” to the end of it, though. Something tells me I’m not the only one.

    Well done. Perfect hair IS so boring…

  6. I think I found my real life Carrie Bradshaw! I love this so much! I’ll probably have to reread it tonight with a glass of wine as I high-five myself! Haha. Love!

  7. What would our life be without Carrie’s advices? Loved it! Sharing this to my bffs for sure! Thank you!!

  8. <3 Carrie, always and forever!

    I just realized that I quoted one of these to my husband the other day without even realizing it was from Carrie! lol

  9. Love love love every single thing written here !

  10. I love every single word of this. Thank you. Let’s be best friends. <3

  11. Love what you’ve written, and love Carrie Bradshaw!

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