— Very Important Lists

A comprehensive list of things that happen on every season of ‘The Bachelor'

There are some things in life that we have all come to expect. You know, those cemented truths that no amount of dissent, knowledge, logic or time can alter. Like the fact that grapes are always included in a fruit salad. Ugh. Or the fact that we still sometimes purchase cottage cheese despite our access to all kinds of wonderful, legitimate cheeses. Or the fact that a few million of us will always watch The Bachelor, regardless of how predictable, outdated, and problematic it is.

The series, which kicks off a new season tonight (we’ve got farmer Bachelor, Chris Soules, this time around), will undoubtedly provide a collection of moments we totally swear we’ve already seen before. But still, we will watch — all 7 million hours of it, from first rose ceremonies, to hometown dates, to women telling all they’re allowed to. In anticipation of this season, why don’t we prepare ourselves for what’s to come by reflecting on those deliciously predictable moments that happen season after season after season — from the good, to the bad, to the say whaaaaa?

Chris Harrison will do this with his hands. Several times.

Look, it’s polite, it’s classy, it’s newsy. It kind of forms a heart. Keep it up, dude.


Someone will make a very strong first impression. 

I don’t know what contestants are told when they’re in that limo, but I believe it’s something along the lines of: “If you can do a backflip or wear a prosthetic grandma mask, we encourage you to do so.”


Someone will bring along weird prop.

Never a good idea.


There will be cultural appropriation in the form of a romantic challenge.

This actually has to stop.


People will be forced to face their totally reasonable fear of falling off a skyscraper.

It’s just what you do, when you kind of like a guy you just met.


There will be lots of exotic outdoor lawn arrangements.

“Did someone order a bird’s face carved out of a tree?” “Yeah, just put that behind the giant ornamental tusk and the pile of rocks.”


Previous page 1

Giggles in Your Inbox

!