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Double Thinking the DINK

I hate your kids. They are dirty and loud and annoying and not as cute as you think they are.

So really, is it a surprise I didn’t want one of those of my own? I mean, I live in Salt Lake City, Utah. The mecca of fertility and birth rates. If I ever felt the need to have a kid there are thirty people who would totally just loan me one of their ten. My entire life I have watched women, friends, family members, co-workers spawn without a single heart string being pulled. I just understood I was not the sort of woman who had those maternal tendencies. Even babysitting I was more of the “hands off” sort that played games hard and rough just so the kids would shut up earlier and fall asleep faster. I wrote articles, blog posts and did research on DINK (Double Income No Kids) lifestyle. I dumped boyfriends who wanted to have “families young” . My sweet husband, from a family of seven himself, was on-board for whatever I wanted, as long as we were happy. And after years of hard work, therapy and lots of vacations, we are.

Then, my lifelong friend, my god-sister, my lifemate in BFFness, had her son, Easton. He was born on what for me in Utah was a cold freezing evening and for her in Virginia, was a nice Spring night. My husband and I waited by our cell phones for pictures of our soon-to-be-born-god-son. I was so happy for her, but felt nothing maternal in myself, no deep heart-felt longing to parent alongside her. Then the first picture of Easton flashed on my cell screen. Naked, long and slimey, a tiny cap on his little head, his long fingers stretched out wide; he was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. No womb ache or life changing music from on high happened, I simply understood looking at his little face that if I loved this tiny person, so far away, not even my own this much, then I had to experience what it felt like to love someone even more. It is my belief we get one life and after this  there is no more and if that is my truth than I must honour it and believe being a parent (especially when blessed with a life-partner as kickass as mine) is not something we’re “supposed” to do but something we “get” to do if we feel ready and so inclined.

Imagine my surprise months and months later when I revealed this thought (that still felt weird to me) to my husband and noticed something I didn’t expect flash across his features: pure relief and happiness, he didn’t hesitate to agree.

I finished my last pack of birth control last week. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate your kids, but I’m going to love the hell out of my own, even if they aren’t as cute as I think they are.

Read more from Emily Mangelson on her blog.

feature image via Anne Taintor.

  • Abbie Currie Lee

    awww…I’m not a big fan of other kids sometimes too, especially when they are over coddled by their parents. I was a nanny though, and that softened my heart a bit.

  • Krista Mae Russell-Adams

    Motherhood is the best and worst, amazing and terrifying, fulfilling and draining job there is. But somewhere in between all that, having your child suddenly abandon her toys just to run up to you to say, “I love you, Momma,” makes all the tears and laughter completely worth it.

  • Penelope Dawn

    Good luck! This kid thing is fracking annoying sometimes, but at the end of the day when they’re sleeping? Totally worth it. They’re snuggly.

  • Traci Livinlovinlaughin Herbst

    Good luck, I know theres people out their like you, not wanting or liking kids but I cannot relate. All I ever wanted to do is be a mommy and then when my son was born I just wanted more….still only have one but my bf has
    2, I want at least 2 more and would love to foster

  • Stephanie Oakley Cunningham

    Damn girl! You da bomb! Totes thrilled for you that you not only reached the conclusion that having a kid might be pretty sweet, but that this story of awesomeness has reached such heights. Super giggles…really? You are an inspiration. And, Charlie is super stoked :)

  • Nicole Peris

    oh, trust me. i hate kids. but my kid is pretty awesome and i love that little fool more than anything.

  • Linda DuLac

    I always knew I’d have children in my life, raise them in whatever capacity that happened to be… birth them, adopt them, foster them. Then when my husband and I started having “baby talks” I was overwhelmed by my desire for a child but equally overwhelmed by my tokophobia (fear of pregnancy/child birth). I was all for adopting and he was all for knocking me up; it was really hard and luckily I was able to have a c-section which is the only thought that got me through. I love my mini me, she’s adorable and hilarious, but I won’t be taking a trip back to prego land at all. If we want her to have a sibling we’ll definitely adopt or maybe foster, but for now we’re happy with just the 3 of us, well 5 counting the furry ones! :-) It’s so had to explain to people about my tokophobia, everyone has this idea of what you “should do” and they don’t try to understand what works for them might not work for you. I wish you tons of luck, enjoy!

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