Don't Ask Me Why I'm Single

It amuses me that my family has a much different way of asking whether I’m married than when a stranger asks. For example, that time I was at Starbucks and was helping a guy out with his computer and he said someone of my ethnicity and age should be married by now.

No Pressure

When I saw some of my family last week at a baby shower, a family friend asked if I was married or had kids. I said, “Heck no,” and she responded with a nod and said, “Good.”

My family is great about this. Not one single aunt, uncle, cousin, or even my grandmother has ever pressured me about finding someone to marry or having children. And thankfully, that’s not something I pressure myself about either.

I know exactly why I’m single, and there isn’t one particular reason for it because it’s a situation that has to do with so many factors. I don’t always mind it. To be honest, there are some weekends where I do feel bummed about spending so much time alone and not having a romantic interest who wants to invite me out or have me over for movies and naps.

I do get bummed out that nearly all the men I meet now are either interested in someone else or are direct about not looking for anything serious, or as they say, “I’m just dating a lot and having fun.” Or worse, they do take me out for weeks/months, but then it turns out they were leading me on and I end up heartbroken and unable to meet someone new for a while. That’s my least favorite scenario.

When A Guy Asks

Unexpectedly, the question about why I’m single has been asked to me by other single men. When they ask, it tends to sting a little because I almost want to hold them responsible for it. For example, after hundreds of emails, several text messages, and hours on the phone, I thought I was developing a pretty cool connection with one particular guy. That is, until he said something like, “I’m not sure I understand how a girl like you is single.” It was supposed to be a compliment, I guess. It was supposed to be a nice way of saying, “You’re really awesome and there should be someone who wants you for himself.” But it hurt to realize that he wasn’t plugging himself into the equation of Me plus Him.

Sordid Results From Dating Sites

I think a lot about the difference between what exists in my mind versus what the rest of the world perceives. For example, I might see myself with one particular type of man, but in the real world, that kind of guy doesn’t see himself with a woman like me. Then it turns into this whole thing about marketing, how I present myself to the “market” and what kind of men I will attract. I can’t even trust my online dating profile to properly attract the right kind of “customer,” because I’ve seen that regardless of what I write, the quality of the messages I receive is generally poor and does not bring to me the kind of man I seek. I’ve gotten messages from men who have children, and while that’s amazing, I don’t want to come second or third place to their kids. I very much want to be a top priority to someone I start to date long term. I’ve gotten very RUDE messages in which the guy is giving me a hard time for not replying to his first message. Apparently I’m under some strict obligation to reply to every single generic message I get. And they think I can’t read through their copy/paste job, but I can, because nothing in the message has anything to do with what is in my profile. Keep that in mind as you sift through your own dating profile messages, if it helps.

A Few Reasons

Here’s a quick list of reasons why I’m single, and probably why a lot of other awesome women are single as well:

  • I tried dating, but the guys I met were also seeing other women at the same time, even when we started seeing each other frequently.
  • I got hurt pretty bad and I’m doing my best to liberate my heart from the disappointment so I can see the new and better romantic opportunities.
  • I’m single because guys I give the time of day to are too busy obsessing over women who aren’t giving them any time or even a chance.
  • The dating pool is cloudy with a swarm of “emotionally unavailable” men who are just dating around.
  • I can date a guy for several weeks or months without him committing to me, but as soon as I’m out, he’s in a relationship with the next girl.
  • I look my best and I don’t let my weight drag me down, but I still meet men who are fixated on a specific body type regardless of whether a woman has an amazing personality.
  • They lie about being married!
  • They lie about having girlfriends!

Great Reasons To Further Enjoy Being Single

  • Sometimes I really just want my weekends to myself.
  • I love the flexibility of realizing that all of the choices I make while single are solely based on my own feelings and interests.
  • Nothing I do has the risk of hurting someone’s feelings and starting unnecessary drama.
  • I can stay out late and hang out with whoever for as late as I wish.
  • No matter how much I miss having someone to comfort me on tough days, I’m still tough enough to get through them on my own.
  • I don’t owe anybody explanations about why I do what I do, nor will I ever find the need to apologize when I speak for myself.

Young Woman Alone in Movie Theater via ShutterShock.com

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