DomestiCAITed

DomestiCAITed: I'd Rather Botox My Clothes Than Iron Them

You guys don’t know how frequently this conversation has happened in my life:
Me: What should I wear?
My Mom: (pulls wrinkled dress from closet) How about this? Just press it off a bit.
Me: Oh. I don’t think so.
My Mom: You’re lazy.
Me: No. I don’t have an iron.
My Mom:What do you mean you don’t have an iron?I mean, I don’t have an iron.
Well, I didn’t.

Now, one of my roommates, MK, has one. We’ve been friends forever. We can count it back to like, 4th grade, so I know she’d let me use the iron whenever I wanted but I try to resort to that as little as possible.

I feel extremely awkward ironing. There is so much gear. The board/skinny table is always a challenge to set up. Albeit a small one, but like, how ’bout a little surface area to utilize while battling wrinkles? Also, when I’m standing at an iron twisting and turning my clothes to press little bits at a time, I feel like a 1950s housewife. Not ideal.

Due to my ironing reluctance, I have some DomestiCAITed tips for how to attempt to avoid ironing.

1. Hang wet clothes on hangers to dry.
Gravity is your best friend.The weight of your wet clothes will ideally pull the wrinkles out, saving you from reaching  for the iron.


2. Take a hot shower and hang your clothes in the bathroom to steam.
This one is great. Just turn the shower on hot and hang the garment on a hanger from a towel rack or from the shower rod. This works best for light, silky fabrics. Let them steam for 3-5 minutes and then shake out any remaining wrinkles. Or you could just buy a steamer like my friend did below.

3. Use your hair straightner to get out anything that’s obvious.
This takes a bit of practice but I’ve mastered it. Just heat up a flat iron and run it over any major wrinkles. Be careful not to hold it in one place for too long or you’ll see what happens.

4. Find a friend and pull on either side of a garment until the wrinkles disappear.
This might be too obvious or too ridiculous because it won’t work. However, I’ve included it because I think it would kind of be a fun activity for a couple pals. Someone grabs one side of a dress, someone else grabs the other and then you just pull tug of war style until those wrinkles leave or until your clothes rip. Then you’ve got a bigger problem than ironing – sewing. You know what? Bad idea. Skip this one.

5.Love your wrinkles. Just embrace them. Own them.
Go out into the world and say “Hey, I know you think wrinkles make me look like a slob but I think they make me who I am.” I say it’s all about selling with confidence.
6. Always buy new clothes.
I realize buying new clothes all the time so you never have to iron makes ZERO sense. You’re a wasteful baller if you can do this financially. I’m just saying it’s possible.

7. Only buy wrinkle-free slacks.
If you don’t like to iron, wrinkle-free clothes like the slacks (best word) below from Eddie Bauer are an option. While you may think this is lame, you won’t have to iron these puppies. Additionally, if you fill your entire closet with them,  you’ll be 7 white t-shirts and green sweater vests away from a living Doug Funny-esque wardrobe. DOOOOO IT!

 

8. Stock up on crushed velvet.
This cloth wants to look wrinkled, so it never needs ironing. Plus, like, how luxurious and figure skater/gymnast-esque is crushed velvet? We should all invest before it becomes majorly popular again.


9. Botox Your Wrinkles.
Okay, so I know you can’t actually Botox your clothes…yet. All I know is that if Tide can develop a miracle called the Tide-To-Go pen, then maybe Tide Botox isn’t far behind. Just picture the ease and satisfaction of taking a branded syringe and injecting Botox into your clothes. They’d leave them wrinkle free for dayz. Maybe forever.


10. Iron.
I’m sorry if it gets to this point. Probably means you have an interview at a bank or maybe you’re getting married and your wedding dress is wrinkled. I don’t even think ironing a wedding dress is allowed, but I know that wrinkles aren’t tolerated on wedding days, unless you get a crushed velvet wedding dress.


Let me know if you have any go to moves for iron evasion. I’d love to try them/hear about them!

Love,
Fitz

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