Lies I Tell My Daughter

Do You Want To Be Banned From Weddings Forever?

Over the weekend, my husband and I took Sunny to our best friends’ wedding in Napa Valley.   I was really excited to spend the weekend with Sunny in Napa and to take her to the second wedding she’s ever been to.   After all of the toasts and in between courses, my friends and I began requesting songs for the DJ to play. Sunny is really on top of her game for a 4-year-old when it comes to pop music and loves to dance.

Everyone was dancing on the dance floor and I went outside to get a breath of fresh air. When I came back, I saw what I can only describe as a scene from Dance Party USA. I saw a big crowd of people dancing and encouraging whoever was in the middle by screaming, “Yeah! Keep going! Where’d you get those moves?”  GREAT.

Sunny was smack in the middle of the dance floor with about twenty people around her and she was getting her groove on. It was really funny and amazing for like ten minutes, but it went on for about AN HOUR AND A HALF. The first twenty minutes was really cute. She was doing a really sweet dance and throwing in some Batusi (if you don’t know what that is, it’s move where someone makes a V with their pointer finger and middle finger while drawing them across and in front of the eyes).   But then I started to get really uncomfortable.

She wouldn’t stop dancing and somehow her moves became increasingly provocative.  My husband and I nervously looked at her and at each other and she started moving like Britney Spears.  I guess at one point she was touching her hands on the floor with her butt in the air, trying to do the worm, I think.  So I’d try to grab her and say, “Okay, honey, time to go home!” and she’d beg, “One more minute!”

At one point drunk old ladies were coming up to me and asking me in an accusatory manner where she learned to dance like that, as if I was the mom from Mean Girls and like I have been secretly giving her pole dancing lessons at home. One woman actually had the nerve to say to me, “my mother always told me Jewish girls shouldn’t dance that way.”  Truth is, I have NO IDEA how she learned how to dance like that.  She’s four.  And even though we play her the music we never (or at least really try not to ever) let her watch music videos.  My husband is convinced that someone is breaking into our house at night and teaching her how to dance like a stripper.   So finally I had to tell her,  “If you don’t stop dancing on the ground, you’ll never be allowed to go to a wedding again”.

This was really only half a lie because my husband was pretty close to sending her to the Middle East to wear a burka.  I’m not even going to discuss her friend who is 4 and 1/2 and the other flower girl who was sitting in a chair off the dance floor, crying and not understanding why no one wanted to talk to her or hear her sing. I don’t think I’ll be taking Sunny to a public dancing forum anytime soon… Just saying.