Lies I Tell My DaughterDo You Want To Be Banned From Weddings Forever?Julia Obst

Over the weekend, my husband and I took Sunny to our best friends’ wedding in Napa Valley.   I was really excited to spend the weekend with Sunny in Napa and to take her to the second wedding she’s ever been to.   After all of the toasts and in between courses, my friends and I began requesting songs for the DJ to play. Sunny is really on top of her game for a 4-year-old when it comes to pop music and loves to dance.

Everyone was dancing on the dance floor and I went outside to get a breath of fresh air. When I came back, I saw what I can only describe as a scene from Dance Party USA. I saw a big crowd of people dancing and encouraging whoever was in the middle by screaming, “Yeah! Keep going! Where’d you get those moves?”  GREAT.

Sunny was smack in the middle of the dance floor with about twenty people around her and she was getting her groove on. It was really funny and amazing for like ten minutes, but it went on for about AN HOUR AND A HALF. The first twenty minutes was really cute. She was doing a really sweet dance and throwing in some Batusi (if you don’t know what that is, it’s move where someone makes a V with their pointer finger and middle finger while drawing them across and in front of the eyes).   But then I started to get really uncomfortable.

She wouldn’t stop dancing and somehow her moves became increasingly provocative.  My husband and I nervously looked at her and at each other and she started moving like Britney Spears.  I guess at one point she was touching her hands on the floor with her butt in the air, trying to do the worm, I think.  So I’d try to grab her and say, “Okay, honey, time to go home!” and she’d beg, “One more minute!”

At one point drunk old ladies were coming up to me and asking me in an accusatory manner where she learned to dance like that, as if I was the mom from Mean Girls and like I have been secretly giving her pole dancing lessons at home. One woman actually had the nerve to say to me, “my mother always told me Jewish girls shouldn’t dance that way.”  Truth is, I have NO IDEA how she learned how to dance like that.  She’s four.  And even though we play her the music we never (or at least really try not to ever) let her watch music videos.  My husband is convinced that someone is breaking into our house at night and teaching her how to dance like a stripper.   So finally I had to tell her,  “If you don’t stop dancing on the ground, you’ll never be allowed to go to a wedding again”.

This was really only half a lie because my husband was pretty close to sending her to the Middle East to wear a burka.  I’m not even going to discuss her friend who is 4 and 1/2 and the other flower girl who was sitting in a chair off the dance floor, crying and not understanding why no one wanted to talk to her or hear her sing. I don’t think I’ll be taking Sunny to a public dancing forum anytime soon… Just saying.

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  1. My daughter turns 3 next week and loves to dance. Just this morning, she showed me a “new” move where she turned around, backside facing me, and said “shake your booty! shake your booty!” i was mortified! like, seriously?

    ps) just discovered you and your posts are too funny. you have to laugh at this motherhood ride that we are on, and/or be well medicated :)

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  3. When you saw me playing JayZ for her on my IPad, when I was babysitting last week, I swear that was the first time EVER! I swear. I didn’t even have an IPad before then.
    grandma

  4. I really think these moves are built into certian children. I was born with the dancing ability of a wooden plank. But my 4 yr old daughter has some seriously wild moves. And she didn’t get it from daycare bc she doesn’t go to one, and she doesn’t get it from music videos bc we don’t have cable. I just put on the radio and next thing I know I’ve got a mini beyonce writhing on the floor. Its hilarious and embarassing. Especially when we went to the pool and she started dancing while holding onto the pole thingy by the stairs. We got some looks that day. I just think dancing is natural to her…so we put her in ballet and now her moves are usually more tame. Usually. Think your hilarious btw! I read all your posts and you make literally LOL. :)

  5. oh.my.goodness.
    You are one of the most hilarious people that I have ever read. I can practically hear your voice in my head getting all frantic and desperate.

    For our sake, I hope your daughter only gets more outrageous.
    For your sake, I hope you keep some semblance of sanity.

  6. Hrm. Perhaps she’s picking up some not-so-sweet moves from daycare or friends’ houses? I remember (back in the day) I learned the entire Hit Me Baby One More Time routine without parental knowledge at daycare… Good times.

    Anyway, don’t let those drunk old ladies get you or Sunny down. They’re just jealous because they’re old and wrinkly. ;)