Dear Yoga: A breakup letter.

Dear Yoga,

The distance you’re feeling between us is intentional.

Over the last decade, I’ve tried really hard to keep you in my life, but you aren’t an easy lover.  You’re unnatural.  Spiteful.  Unrelenting.  The pain that you cause is often unbearable.  I spend an hour with you and all I feel is frustration and you know what?  I’m tired of it.

I really want you to like me as much as I try to like you, but let’s face facts:  I’m the only one working at this relationship and frankly, it’s exhausting.  I give and I give and I give and all you do is ask me to give more.  I’m constantly going the extra mile and though you promise to take me to a higher level of consciousness, you never really deliver. It’s the same old story and it’s getting very repetitive.

You’re nothing but a game-player and you’ll pimp yourself out to anyone who’ll give you the time of day – and I’m over it.  I get it:  you’re experienced and EVERYBODY’s tried out a position or two with you.  But for someone like me who’s really tried to commit to a relationship, the sheer volume of aerobic demands that you require is just too much for me to handle… I’m not superhuman, you know.  Sure, a girl has needs and we all like a little variety but honey, you’re out of control.

You’re nothing but a complete tease.  I see my toned, lengthened, lean, copacetic friends thriving on their uber-close relationship with you.  What gives?  Seriously?  Why can’t we be like that when we’re together?  I find myself avoiding you and coming up with excuses as to why we can’t be together while you’re out gallivanting around with some of my BFFs.  Frankly, I’m jealous as hell.  And yet, as enraged as you make me feel (I never feel at peace when we’re together, by the way), I just can’t quit you.  You have this draw that I just can’t escape.  So, I think we have to be done.

Don’t worry.  It’s not like you won’t find somebody else to fall (literally) head over heels in love with you. Everybody likes you.  With your reputation of having that mellow personality everyone thinks you have, you’ll never have problems making new lovers.

I’d love to say “It’s been fun!”, but that’d be a complete lie, so Namaste (yea, right),


p.s. Don’t trying to accuse me of cheating on you with Pilates because it’s not like I wasn’t friends with him while we were together.

Image via NativeRemedies