guy crushDear Ryan GoslingMeghan O'Keefe

In honor of your birthday today, Ryan Gosling, we are re-sending you this love letter.

Hey Boy,

I think we need to talk.

You have to stop. Just stop. It’s getting to be too much. See, I’m just a girl who sits in a cubicle all day.  I have to live in a real world. Not the kind of “real world” with MTV cameras and token drama queens. I live in the kind of “real world” where I have to deal with men who can’t afford to buy me coffee and who can’t emotionally commit. The longer you continue to be so Ryan Gosling, the harder it’s going to be for me to want to live in that world.

For my own sanity and for the sanity of women like me everywhere, I made a list of ways in which you can stop being so Ryan Gosling.

1) Stop being so attractive.

Just look at you.

This montage is from a blog called “ryanf***”. The blog is perfection, except for the fact that it should be called “mef***”.

You’re like Derek Zoolander, dude. You know, you’re really, really, ridiculously good-looking. You’re one of the few men I can think of who can do anything to his hair and I still would find you attractive. Also, you’re not too pretty. You’re gorgeous, but you still look like a man. If you were alive in Ancient Greece, sculptors would use your form as a model for true masculine beauty. (And Aristotle would add “Being Ryan Gosling” to the list of virtues a man should have.) Why is this a problem? Because instead of getting my work done, I’ve been spending my entire day planning our wedding. I’ve looked into how much renting my dream venue, the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum, would be. This is a problem for two reasons. One, I can’t afford it. Two, I’m supposed to be doing expense reports. I realize you can’t control how you look, but if you lived your life with a bag over your head, I’d never have to worry about being fired.

2) Stop adoring women so much.

Every time you are with a woman you have this way of looking at her as though she is the most important thing in the universe.

This one person this one time told me I look like Emma Stone, so this photo is torture.

I think it’s because you might actually appreciate women. You only have nice things to say about ex-girlfriends Sandra Bullock and Rachel McAdams. You still reportedly hang out with your mom and sister. You also say THE BEST THINGS EVER about your female co-stars. When you were doing press for Crazy, Stupid, Love, you said to a reporter, “Show me someone that wouldn’t give it all up for Emma Stone, and I’ll show you a liar.” About Michelle Williams, you said, “She’s like Montana… If you want to get somewhere, you gotta, you gotta drive there. You gotta take the time to get there.” When I first read that, I had no clue what it meant. After three weeks meditating on it during my morning subway commute, I figured it out. It means you are better than any man alive. You’re also probably better than any man who is currently dead (not because you’re still alive and they are not, but because even when they were alive they were not as good at being a man as you are).

3) Stop being so adorable with children.

So, you’re at a premiere for a movie. Are you holding a cigarette in your hand? No. You’re holding a child.

I must go back in time and become a child only so I can be held like this.

Did you hear that loud boom in the far off distance? Those were my ovaries exploding.  That’s it. They’re done. I will never be able to give birth to children of my own because I have seen what you look like when you hold a little girl in your arms. But why would I want to give birth to children of my own when I know they won’t be yours? Do you know how many days of my life I’ve spent crying into my cardigan sleeves because I have to live with the knowledge that I will never give birth to your children? Nine. Technically, I’ve spent fourteen days crying, but the other five happened in the summertime so I wasn’t wearing a cardigan.

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  • Ediana Dolan

    So true, I am down this road since The Notebook, my favourite film of all times, and not only because of the plot.
    After watching me druel while reading this post, my husband says this has to stop, it’s not fair for other men.

  • Laura De Rosa

    This is so amazing! Had me laughing from beginning to end because it’s EXACTLY what goes through my mind! Really great work! By the way, me and my sister created a new fun blog about him (because we are that obssessed!) so if anyone wants to check it out please visit giggles guaranteed|! :)

  • Sylvia Jamorska

    You forgot to add that he also needs to stop writing ad singing beautiful songs with Dead Mans Bones! That’s just too much Ryan!

  • Eve Hajnal

    love this post, so funny, so true. but really, i think Ryan gives us a chance that there are such great guys on the planet like him….we just have to find them or clone Ryan Gosling like million times, is that sounds

  • Tracey Brown

    O.M.G. I just read a comment up there ^ somewhere that said she got to stand NEXT to Him… oh the jealousy.

  • Vince Leblanc

    Hi from France
    I could’nt less agree. As a gay man, I can feel this pain too girls. But I rejoyce Ryan live in this world because he’s a beautiful human being, a gifted actor, an accute mind, a handsome man, he appeals to my spirituality and fancying. I would be delighted and proud to know him.

  • Michelle Downs

    LOL! This is hilarious, you’re cracking me up. I feel your pain, sister. He’s just too much.

  • Anonymous

    Hell I’m a straight male and I feel this way about Ryan Gosling..

  • India Morgan

    Last Cinco de Mayo, I was walking through the LES and saw this boy standing on the corner strumming this small ukelele like instrument was like, “Dang that dude is fly” and then my friend (who, forgive him, was extremely drunk) was like “Ryan Reynolds!! Ryan Reynolds!! Oh my god, you’re so cute!” I’ve never hit a human so hard in my life. I was so embarrassed. But Ryan was ACTUALLY KIND about it and said, “No worries bro” and posed for a photo with my friend (who has a fat lip in it… from me… punching him). THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

  • Fiona Marie


  • Kaitlyn Brown

    You forgot about the fact he is an amazingly talented musician who is in a kickass band.

  • Melinda Fletcher

    Amen, sister, amen.

  • June Vanisa

    We should be best friends. And befriend (read: stalk) Ryan when he comes home to New York.

  • Michelle Pacheco
  • Melanie Bennett Jacobson

    You just got ripped off in an EW post by Erin Strecker:

  • Klein Mü

    girl, you´re the SHIT (in a goooooood way:))!
    you speak all of those girls out of their souls (don´t forget mine:))


  • Pauline Gransier

    You see this is why I like to call him my dream husband :)

  • Desiree Velasco
  • Desiree Velasco

    i met ryan a few years back and he really is one hell of a guy.

  • Martha Reino

    LOVE THIS! Thank you for “understanding” and giving me a great laugh at work!

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