When I’m walking down the street and I hear you off to the side or behind me make lip-smacking, kissy noises at me, I have to admit, I’m really not quite sure how to respond. I would love to know what you’re expecting of me.
Am I supposed to swing around, walk over to you and thank you? Give you my number? Kiss you? It’s just so confusing!
You should know that there are other troglodytes out there who are much more clear-cut with their approach. Some employ the trusty wolf-whistle, the sound of approval recognized in most of the western (and cartoon) world. Others might even use words to voice their esteem, from a general, “Hey beautiful!” to a more specific, “Nice ass/legs/kneecaps/cuticles!”
With those kinds of appreciative messages being barked (or whistled) at me by apes, usually in front of construction sites or McDonald’s, I’m confident in my response, which is to stare straight ahead and keep walking. If it’s morning and I’m late for work due to crying about cellulite or a giant zit, I might actually smile. I might even feel a little better about myself.
But the kissy noises carry a more aggressive undertone, one I just can’t get behind. Some of you take it even further, making more of a ”tss tss” sound, like a tire releasing air in short bursts. Is that some sort of mating call I’m not familiar with? If I actually turned around, would you puff out your chest and do a little dance for me, like one of those crazy Amazonian birds on Planet Earth?
I suppose I’ll never know because guess what I’m never turning around. In fact, if it’s dark, I’ll probably pick up the pace and pretend to take a call from my boyfriend, loudly proclaiming that I’ll be home in TWO MINUTES and if I don’t arrive, to grab his bat and come looking for me. Is that what you want? For me to start worrying about being accosted, and mentally thanking Oprah for teaching me to hold my keys between my fingers and not wear a ponytail for you to grab onto?
I hope not, and I don’t really think so. I think you’re just primitive little men who never learned how to interact with women. I hope this letter serves to enlighten you a bit. Next time you spot a lady whose appearance pleases you, try a smile, or, if you really can’t help yourself, a (quiet) compliment.