Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband:

First of all, I’m sorry about a lot of things you have to deal with, the least of which include my singing and sticking anything I can find into my ears. I hope there are a few things that balance it all out. I’ve made you lemon meringue pie already, right? I must have, or else you would have never met me at the end of that aisle. Most importantly though, I’d like to promise something. I promise you I will never ask if you “want to help me do the dishes”. Of course you don’t. No one wants to.

Well some people do, but they and I are not compatible.

Because if I ask if you “want” to help, it puts you in a very uncomfortable position. If you say no, I will probably get angry and ask why you have to be a jerk when you could just shut up and dry (drying is my least favorite part). Not that I’d always be angry with you when you’re a jerk, it’s just if I’m asking for help with the dishes I’m probably already having a bad day.

And if you say yes, it’s equally as bad. Because then you feel annoyed that, well, no, you don’t want to, but you’re doing them anyway. That’s a much bigger sacrifice and you’d like me to know that you’re making it but probably don’t want to be a jerk about it – until later when you get mad at me about something else.

And there will certainly be something elses.

But I recognize the sacrifice. And I appreciate it, future husband. And I appreciate you not divorcing me the first time you see me talk to my food.

Discordantly yours,


  • Jerry Percival

    “Future Husband” is kind of creepy. Just call me Jerry.

  • Krista King

    That was supposed to say, cute post:) lol

  • Ellie McElvain


  • Courtney Paulos

    Haha!! This article speaks the words in my head! Its like you perfectly expressed my thoughts and my reasons for rarely asking him (my husband) the exact same question. Its so sad, but so true haha..oh well. At least he fixes things when I inadvertently render them no longer functional 😉 …which to my embarrassment is quite often

    • Shelby Fero

      my only requirement for my FH is that he can fix all my stupid mistakes. Also he loves cookies!

  • Clemencia Mora

    It is a very cute post, I can totally relate….

    BTW I _tell_ my FH it’s his turn to do the dishes… and mine to make the bed, or vice versa 😀

  • Anonymous

    my future husband will be quite perfect if he understands how undesirable such things as dishes are and appeases me by hiring a friend or relative to take care of that pile in our sink whenever needed. it’s not that i don’t like cleaning, it’s just that my hands will get food gunk on them after they’re nice and clean. i don’t like that. and i don’t really like cleaning.

  • Michael Hynes

    Future Husband is asleep in front of the TV, and as such didn’t hear a word of that.

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