SOCIAL STUDIES Dear Future Husband Shelby Fero

Dear Future Husband:

First of all, I’m sorry about a lot of things you have to deal with, the least of which include my singing and sticking anything I can find into my ears. I hope there are a few things that balance it all out. I’ve made you lemon meringue pie already, right? I must have, or else you would have never met me at the end of that aisle. Most importantly though, I’d like to promise something. I promise you I will never ask if you “want to help me do the dishes”. Of course you don’t. No one wants to.

Well some people do, but they and I are not compatible.

Because if I ask if you “want” to help, it puts you in a very uncomfortable position. If you say no, I will probably get angry and ask why you have to be a jerk when you could just shut up and dry (drying is my least favorite part). Not that I’d always be angry with you when you’re a jerk, it’s just if I’m asking for help with the dishes I’m probably already having a bad day.

And if you say yes, it’s equally as bad. Because then you feel annoyed that, well, no, you don’t want to, but you’re doing them anyway. That’s a much bigger sacrifice and you’d like me to know that you’re making it but probably don’t want to be a jerk about it – until later when you get mad at me about something else.

And there will certainly be something elses.

But I recognize the sacrifice. And I appreciate it, future husband. And I appreciate you not divorcing me the first time you see me talk to my food.

Discordantly yours,

Shelby

comments

Please help us maintain positive conversations by refraining from posting spam, advertisements, and links to other websites or blogs. we reserve the right to remove your comment if it does not adhere to these guidelines. thanks! post a comment.

  1. Future Husband is asleep in front of the TV, and as such didn’t hear a word of that.

  2. my future husband will be quite perfect if he understands how undesirable such things as dishes are and appeases me by hiring a friend or relative to take care of that pile in our sink whenever needed. it’s not that i don’t like cleaning, it’s just that my hands will get food gunk on them after they’re nice and clean. i don’t like that. and i don’t really like cleaning.

    Anonymous | 8/26/2011 02:08 pm
  3. It is a very cute post, I can totally relate….

    BTW I _tell_ my FH it’s his turn to do the dishes… and mine to make the bed, or vice versa :D

  4. Haha!! This article speaks the words in my head! Its like you perfectly expressed my thoughts and my reasons for rarely asking him (my husband) the exact same question. Its so sad, but so true haha..oh well. At least he fixes things when I inadvertently render them no longer functional ;) …which to my embarrassment is quite often

  5. youuuuuuuuuu

  6. That was supposed to say, cute post:) lol

  7. “Future Husband” is kind of creepy. Just call me Jerry.