Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband:

First of all, I’m sorry about a lot of things you have to deal with, the least of which include my singing and sticking anything I can find into my ears. I hope there are a few things that balance it all out. I’ve made you lemon meringue pie already, right? I must have, or else you would have never met me at the end of that aisle. Most importantly though, I’d like to promise something. I promise you I will never ask if you “want to help me do the dishes”. Of course you don’t. No one wants to.

Well some people do, but they and I are not compatible.

Because if I ask if you “want” to help, it puts you in a very uncomfortable position. If you say no, I will probably get angry and ask why you have to be a jerk when you could just shut up and dry (drying is my least favorite part). Not that I’d always be angry with you when you’re a jerk, it’s just if I’m asking for help with the dishes I’m probably already having a bad day.

And if you say yes, it’s equally as bad. Because then you feel annoyed that, well, no, you don’t want to, but you’re doing them anyway. That’s a much bigger sacrifice and you’d like me to know that you’re making it but probably don’t want to be a jerk about it – until later when you get mad at me about something else.

And there will certainly be something elses.

But I recognize the sacrifice. And I appreciate it, future husband. And I appreciate you not divorcing me the first time you see me talk to my food.

Discordantly yours,


Need more Giggles?
Like us on Facebook!

Want more Giggles?
Sign up for our newsletter!