To Whom It May Concern,
I really don’t want to write this letter. I’ve had an imaginary discussion with myself in my head for a few days now on whether or not this letter is necessary. After attending a concert this past weekend, I feel confident that my concerns are valid and should be brought to light.
In no particular order…
Headbanging: The best concerts are the ones where you get to stand in front of the stage and jump up and down with your rock fist in the air (or depending on the song, sway side to side with fellow fans while holding your cell phones in the air) and headbang to the beat. But there’s a problem when most guys nowadays have a Justin Bieber haircut. If I’m standing behind you, I do not want your hair in my face. I really think if you’re going to headbang, get a hair cut. Yeah, it may not be as fun for you – maybe you like the feeling of whipping your hair back and forth. But unless there is a good 4 foot perimeter of empty space around you, please refrain. I do not want to eat your hair and whatever product you put in it.
Watch Where You Jump: While we’re on the topic of jumping…call me a fun killer, but I do not want my feet to be stepped on buy your clunky shoes or heels (see: Did You Look In The Mirror?) nor do I want to be elbowed. I’m all for jumping and rocking out, but can’t you do it in one place? Do you really have to move around and cause me to limp the rest of the night?
Foul Smells: Just because we’re in a big crowd it doesn’t give you the right to pass gas. If I can smell it, I can narrow it down to the 5 people standing around me. More than likely after about 10 minutes, I’ll figure out it was you. Wait till you’re in the car or with a group of close friends that don’t care. Also, when going to a concert always keep in mind that with all of those warm-blooded bodies in a confined space, it’s going to be hot. Two words: Anti Perspirant. There really is nothing worse that someone putting their fist in the air and getting a whiff of their non deodorized pit. It can be so bad that I want to give that person $5 to go buy some Degree.
PDA/Fights: If I wanted to see PDA, I’d go watch The Notebook. I paid money to see a band on the stage, not you two making out in front of me and blocking my view of the stage. Same goes for couple fights – I don’t want to hear about how you “did nothing wrong to deserve this attitude”….we’re at a concert, for goodness sakes. Why must you fight? Save it for the car ride home.
Did You Look In The Mirror?: Seriously, people. Sometimes I wonder what goes through your mind when you get dressed to go to a concert. Do you really stand in front of your mirror and think, “Oh my, I look good in my jean capris, hoodie and tennis shoes. What a perfect concert outfit.” Maybe you’re the type who thinks, “Yes, I am going to wear my leggings as pants with a crop top, a giant bow in my hair and some heels. By golly, I look good!” Give me one good reason on why you should wear heels to a concert. I dare you. There are the people who buy the merch and then immediately head to the nearest bathroom to change into the band t-shirt so now they look like the 50 other people who had the same idea. Maybe you’re really into the band, or just really insecure about the original outfit you picked out. Hey, I’ve been there, I feel ya. There is a fine line in wanting to look cute but not too cute like you spent 5 hours deciding what to wear. I get it, you want a look that says, “Hey, I just threw this together and I look amazing. Sorry, I’m so awesome.” I’ve seen the good, the bad and the oh my gosh, just go home and change right now. I could spend hours talking about this very subject but if you want to keep it safe, go buy the following clothing items: a plaid shirt, skinny jeans, toms, converse, boots, a white v neck and a couple of cardigans. Quintessential concert wear. Moral of this very long story: there are plenty of fashion blogs out there, Google them. Safe yourself and save my eyes from looking at your astonishing outfit choices.
Tools Should Stay In The Toolbox: You know what I’m talking about. These are the guys who play the air guitar and sing with their heads back like they’re the lead singer. Before you get your underwear in a twist…hear me out. There is nothing wrong with singing the songs you love at the top of your lungs along with everyone else. But there is already a lead singer of the band and you are not it. Keep your eyes on the stage, you don’t see him acting like that. These are also the people who push their way to the front no matter how much you paid for those front row seats. They’re the people who are 6 ft tall and won’t let the short people (like myself) in front of them so we’re forced to stand on our tiptoes all night and only see the top of the band’s head. Would it really kill you to let me stand in front of you? It’s not like I’m going to block your view and maybe if I stood in front of you, you would see me and maybe stop stepping on my feet!
In conclusion, I really think that if everyone adhered to the above issues, we’d all have a better concert experience. After all, we all paid money to see a really good show. We don’t really want all those distracting foul smells and bad outfits to ruin that…
All my love (unless you’re a foul smelling, bad dressing, headbanging tool…then I really just can’t love you),
You can read more from Jenn on her blog.
Feature image via we heart it.