I hate to sound like “that girl” but I have always had a pretty solid group of guy friends. Not because of the varied cliches – “Girls are just so dramatic and catty… so I stay away”, “I just get along with guys better” yadda yadda yadda – but more just because I have an uncontrollable vibe of sarcasm that seems to work well in friendships with dudes. Over these years of putting up with the dirty jokes and endless hours of sporting events I barely care about, I have gotten to know the male mind a little more than your average girl and you better believe I have used these nuggets of insight for my love life’s greater good.
I have subconsciously learned from my male comrades, some of the most important do’s and don’ts of dating. While I’m not yet happily married to the man of my dreams (cough cough Nick Jonas) so I can’t prove these tips to have unshakeable accuracy. However, I have dodged my fair share of players and jerks. Sure, some slip through the cracks but I’ve successfully avoided your average amount of heartbreak.
What’s my secret? Date like a dude! Now you’re probably thinking “But how do I do that? I’m but a fragile young lady!” Well look no further. Here are my brotastic tips on how to avoid heartbreak.
• Don’t over-analyze. Being over-analytical leads to unnecessary stress. Unnecessary stress leads to breakdowns and breakouts. I guarantee your guy isn’t thinking more than 5 minutes over what to wear on your date and he’s definitely not trying to decode what you meant by the wording in your text. Why should you spend 20 minutes writing a text that he won’t think twice about? It’s not worth your time. Keep it simple.
• Be confident. Guys get sick of you fishing for compliments all the time. Heck, anyone gets sick of you fishing for compliments all the time. Confidence (but not cockiness) is key. In related news, be a little weird. Don’t hide your quirks, rock them. It’s always attractive when someone’s comfortable in their own skin and owns who they are. Even if that means dancing in the car to One Direction or occasionally talking in a British accent.
• Take control. A self-assured guy who knows what he wants is super endearing. Show him that you can be decisive and can wear the pants in the relationship every once in awhile. As long as the pants are well-fitting and trendy, of course.
• Value your independence! Neediness is my number one pet peeve in a potential suitor. Show him that you can do stuff on your own. If he wants to have a night with the guys, have a night with your girls. Then watch the clip of “You Don’t Own Me” from The First Wives Club and be on your own merry way!
• Don’t be a princess. If you put yourself on a pedestal, you’re just waiting to be dethroned.
• Give him some space. Don’t make yourself so readily available and eager at his every beck and call. Texting and calling him excessively while you’re apart is a definite turn-off. Also, take it easy with the smiley faces and exclamation points ‘cause nothing says desperation like THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Don’t act dumb. You don’t like ditzy guys… so don’t dumb down for him. Every girl should know by now that playing dumb is frankly beyond annoying for everyone involved and will get you nowhere but in his secret “idiot” category in his mental file cabinet.
• Chill out on the jealousy. Don’t go postal every time he looks at another girl. Granted, if his shirt is soaked from drooling over other girls you’ve got a problem. Honestly, he shouldn’t be looking at other girls but give the guy some slack! He’s human and so are you. Let’s get real, you didn’t see Magic Mike for it’s incredible plot and emotional depth.
• Try to be interested in what he’s interested in. Watching football and fishing is actually fun if you step away from the Gossip Girl every once in awhile so don’t keep whining if he wants you to take part of something he likes to do. Try to give it a chance. Also, don’t be afraid to order a cheeseburger and fries with him every once in awhile.