Letters To My Younger Self
Dash Mihok Is Not Your Friend
by Ingrid Haas
Dear 20 Year Old Ingrid,
College is hard, isn’t it? You spend every waking moment in school. Your days are long, your nights are even longer and unless you want to date one of the guys who haven’t figured out he’s gay yet in your theatre school, you aren’t dating at all. Life is rough.
You’re studying classical theatre, which means you have to be obsessed with Shakespeare. Luckily enough, you love the movie version of Romeo & Juliet. You love it so much that when you were waiting tables one summer and the actor Dash Mihok (the silly looking red head, Benvolio, who cries out “Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?”) sat in your section alone on his birthday, you bought him all of his drinks. You didn’t get them “comp’d.” You paid for them out of your pocket. Stupid move. But you have a big heart and you felt bad that he was alone on his birthday. You guess it was a good deed? Either way, buying Dash a drink doesn’t make him your friend.
That was in your second year of college. But now that you’re in your final year of college, one would think you would have a better understanding of how the world works. This is not the case. You’re still naïve and hopeful and I’m here to tell you: Shut it down. You’re walking home from school late one evening and you’re hungry. You decide you’re going to stop in at your local convenience store to get some snacks. DON’T! You don’t need snacks, Ingrid, you need rest. Stop confusing sleep deprivation with hunger, they are not the same thing!
So you head inside. First mistake. You’re going to pick up some potato chips and maybe a soda, who knows? Not you, because before you know it you’re confronted with an extraordinarily tall redheaded man talking loudly into his cell phone. Keep walking Ingrid! You don’t know this person; he is not your friend!
“DASH!!!???”
He looks up, startled. Confused.
“DASH!!!”
You don’t even change your tone. You don’t even acknowledge his clear discomfort. You decide to go in for a hug. NOT OKAY! THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOUR IS NOT NORMAL. But, he hugs you back! Warmly even.
“You remember me, right? I’m Ingrid! I served you on your birthday last year.”
Yeah, you’re exactly the person he wants to be forced to remember right now. You’re the waiter who served him, alone, too much alcohol on his birthday. Way to remind the poor dude of a potentially very dark period in his life. Just grab your chips and leave already.
But for you, nothing is ever over until it’s been beaten into a smelly, hot, steamy pile of humiliation.
Here’s what I don’t want you to do, okay? I don’t want you to decide that he was nice enough to you, that you should try to hang out with him again. Bumping into each other at a convenience store named “Rabba” isn’t hanging out in the first place for Christ’s sake! Rabba is the end of the line, Ingrid.
If he wanted to hang out with you ever, he would have told you that. Or done so physically. Or sent you telepathic messages. But he did none of that. He gave you zero indication that he wanted to see you ever again. The man was just being polite. He didn’t even get off the phone to talk to you. So how about you don’t call every hotel in the city asking for him and then when you finally find him at the Sutton Place Hotel… how about you don’t call his room AND LEAVE A VOICEMAIL?!?!
How about you don’t even consider this as a possibility because I think, maybe, this could be considered stalking… which is illegal. Don’t do it. And even though you think you sound really charming on any given answering machine, he won’t call you back because Dash Mihok is not your friend! You’re acting like a crazy person. Actually, you ARE a crazy person. Only insane, out of touch people think this is normal behaviour.
Here’s some advice, my sweet, naïve, hopeful Ingrid. Take what little dignity you have and go home. Dash Mihok doesn’t want to see you. He doesn’t remember you, let alone like you. It will never happen. If you so much as make a move in his direction, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Please watch Leonardo DiCaprio as Romeo and fall in love with him instead because I can almost guarantee you won’t bump into him any time soon.
Promise me that you’ll listen this time?
Love,
Your Future Self
See more posts from Ingrid
08.10.2011 |
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I would totally stalk Dash Mihok, too.
I hope Dash finds this when he’s googling himself.
The best part about this whole thing is that the “Rabba” that is mentioned in this article is my Rabba of choice.
Isn’t he one of the Geico cavemen now? You win Ingrid.
I feel for him in 1998′s ‘Telling You’ with Peter Facinelli. He is so loveable and adorable that it melted my heart! I think I’d stalk him too – even though red haired white guys aren’t my normal cup of tea. Let’s just say he’s stuck around in my mind for about 12 years. I get excited when I’ve seen him on recent stuff.
I loved him on Felicity. I’m afraid I might have done the same thing. After all, I invited Leonardo DiCaprio to my senior prom. Yes I did.
This is hilarious! Also love all the Toronto references, whoo.
Hey guys, Thank you so much for the feedback. For the record? Dash Mihok has NOT responded to any tweets in regards to this column (not written by me, but by dedicated readers). So… I think we’ve done our duty! On to the next one!
My name is Jaylen and Dash is my mentor and uncle! Let me just tell you that he is super smart and I’m sure has not forgotten anything, but he is scared of stalkers!!! He has so many girls that stalk him so that is probably why he hasn’t tweeted back. He is the most nicest person on the planet though! You can see pics of him (and Leo too) on my website http://www.JaylensChallenge.Org . I am going to tell my mom to send him this so he can read it! Love, Jaylen. P.S. Check me out on Twitter @JaysChallenge
Man, Dash’s got a lot of interesting stuff going in… Between potential stalkers, and anti-bullying campaigns… AND that new movie I just saw a trailer for… Trespass… I’m not surprised at all people are really interested in Dash! In support of his anti-bullying tho, I want to see Trespass to support him and in effect his efforts! Also visiting Jaylen’s website! PS, this trailer is definitely worth a look! http://bitly.com/qN22Cm
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