Daniel Craig Is Too Fit To Be Bond? Pffffft

I want to say, first, that I thoroughly enjoyed Richard Cohen’s opinion piece in the Washington Post. It’s cute. In it, he talks about how James Bond and other male movie stars used to be sexy for their cunning and naturally athletic, un-intimidating bodies. But these days, he complains, it’s like, ugh… men are expected to spend all of their free time working out? Ugh, like, ugh… it makes him feel inferior to see Daniel Craig’s rippling biceps on the screen!

Listen, Richard Cohen, I can relate.

But I would like to offer a rebuttal on behalf of women: shhhhhh, man, shush… let us have this!!!

I genuinely feel for men these days because the media is giving them more and more reason to feel self-conscious about their bodies and that sucks. You know how I know it sucks? I’m female.

I’m trying not to laugh at your suffering, dudes. I’m really trying. I just think it’s more fun now that men AND women go to the movies and feel intimidated by the beauty. Let’s do this together!

Men have gotten to objectify women in movies since the dawn of movies. As a woman, I find it refreshing to return the favor. I’m not attracted to chiseled chests in real life, per say. It’s a small factor in my romance decision-making process. However, I certainly don’t mind taking part in the Hollywood fantasy that men have gotten to take part in forever and ever. When I see a beautiful woman with an impossible body fall for a beautiful man with an impossible body, all feels right in the world. Yes! That’s the stuff! As a woman, it’s more fun than watching these impossible women fall for men who aren’t in their league. Those men are in MY league, beautiful lady, let me deal with them. You should go find yourself a smart, fit man of mystery like Daniel Craig!

In the piece, Richard Cohen criticizes Daniel Craig as the kind of man women just come to instead of a man who woos women. You know who is okay with watching the kind of man women just come to? Women! We are fine with that! If you were worried about us, we are fine, okay? I’ve suspended my disbelief pretty far for this Bond movie, sir, and I’m more than happy suspending my disbelief to accommodate all the tons and tons of sexy Daniel Craig is throwing my way.

Listen, I work in promos. As a promo producer for cable TV, I’ve done my time producing James Bond marathon promos and have watched over 12 Bond movies to date. I think that’s a lot. It’s definitely a lot of Bond for a relatively sane human to consume. I get the appeal of the old Bonds. I know Sean Connery was sexy in Dr. No. I had to awkwardly watch every one of his seductions from the comfort of my cubicle. But listen, Richard Cohen, Daniel Craig is sexier because I get to objectify him like a piece of meat and I take advantage of him in my head every time he takes his shirt off, even if he’s pulling a bullet out of his chest. Soo….

I like him, Richard Cohen, don’t ruin this for me!

Image via bondi-beach-sydney.com.au

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