Dang Girl, You Look Good Danielle Schneider

Photo courtesy of Londoncool.com

The other day a friend of mine said to me “Wow, I love your hair” and I said back what anyone in that situation would say: “Ugh, I haven’t washed it in days, it’s disgusting. I think things are living in it”.  You would have thought she said “How do you get your hair to look so much like cat vomit?” But no, she did something much, much worse…she COMPLIMENTED me, the jerk!

I cannot take a compliment. If you tell me you like my outfit, I will proceed to explain how old it is, how little I paid for it, and then point out the pit stains I can’t get rid of because of what I’m sure is an overactive gland disorder (I’m also an over-sharer, but that’s for another day). But I’m not alone in this. Many ladies I know would sooner have you punch them in the neck than let you tell them how pretty they look or how nice their singing voice is. It’s as if by just taking a compliment, we fear coming off as snotty. Like replying “Thank you” when someone tells you have gorgeous eyelashes is the equivalent of saying, “Yeah, they’re amazing and so am I, so suck on that, bi-atch!!!!”

Why do we do this? Guys aren’t afraid of compliments. When a dude says to his friend “Hey man, those jeans look great on you”, you never hear his friend reply, “No dude, I feel totally fat in them.” Then again, you’d also probably never hear a dude say to another dude “Those jeans look great on you,” but you get what I mean. I’ve told many a guy “Nice haircut” or “Great stand-up set” to which they just express their gratitude and move on. Their heads don’t explode afterwards or anything. It’s amazing. Their brains must just have a special part that lets them digest compliments or something, the same space that in girls’ brains is occupied with remembering not to fart in public.

I want to challenge myself, and those of you like me, to change this. Here is a step-by-step guide of what to do the next time someone gives you a compliment

Step 1

Say “Thank You.”

And that’s it! I find self help guides with too many steps to be a real snooze-fest. Besides, that’s really all you need to know.  Take the compliment, it’ll feel great, I promise. Let’s try it as an exercise right now. I’m going to give you a compliment, and you’re going to take it:

Hey girlfriend, I think you’re so smart, and cool and beautiful. Seriously, I watch you when you sleep and when you’re not home I try on all your clothes and pretend I’m you.

You’re welcome. See? Don’t you feel good now?

comments

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  1. This is so true. I’m not good with compliments :)

  2. WHAT i was just having this conversation with my sister over dinner last night!

  3. This is one of the hardest things in my adult life to do, because as a teenager, I was scared to death of everything and sensed sarcasm that wasn’t there. I am trying hard to decipher between sincere compliments and veiled criticism. I am learning how to give people compliments not based on their appearance, because it’s one of the most touchy things. What compliments are important to a particular person? someone may be insulted by complimenting their appearance when they would rather be acknowledged for their talent/career accomplishments or their awesome cooking skills? It’s a difficult path to navigate.

  4. So true! Even over 50 it isn’t easy to accept a compliment with a simple “thank you”. It takes a lot of awareness and concentration to just say thanks! One way to get over your own insecurities is to make a concerted effort to compliment other people, and it really makes you feel great inside <3

  5. The other day on the street this guy, instead of just saying something, asked me for permission to compliment me. I said sure, and he proceeded to do so. Best exchange ever. At that moment, I felt like I had truly learned how to take a compliment!

  6. I think we only stray from saying “thank you” because we don’t want to come off as arrogant or self consumed. But it’s true, it is better to tell them thank you, because if you give someone a compliment, you would want to be thanked wouldn’t you? Thank you for the lovely compliment Danielle :)

  7. i was hanging out w- a guy friend last night, and he gave me a compliment. i started talking and about a minute in, he interuppted me. “you do realize that you’re trying to get to insult you, right?” he said. and i realized for once he was right. he had given me a compliment, and instead of accepting it, i was instead trying to get him to insult me. us girls are crazy.

  8. THANK YOU! When you try on my clothes, I hope you also accessorize and find some cute shoes and a purse to go along with the outfits :) I completely agree with you and can relate. But I do like telling people what a bargain my clothes are…lol. One time I got a dress for 1 cent! I kid you not, it’s one of my greatest accomplishments.

  9. Thank you! haha

  10. i can totally relate to this. i DO appreciate compliments but it definitely is hard to just graciously accept them. it’s always something like, “you look cute today!” and i’m like, “really, because i feel like i crawled out of a dumpster.”

    i’m getting better at just saying, “uhhh, thank you” with a looong emphasis on the “uhhh.”

  11. I think when you snuck into my apartment and tried on my clothes, you might have left some pit stains on my favorite sheer white shirt. Or maybe that was me. Anyway, I think you’re really pretty.

  12. Thank you so much! So nice to hear that :)

  13. yup! so true! whenever i do just say “thank you” i then get this weird feeling like i haven’t said enough…which leads to this awkward silence. meanwhile the person who gave the compliment has totally moved on. THANK YOU!

    Grasie Mercedes | 6/27/2011 09:06 am
  14. Thank You! Just what I needed to start my day! :)

  15. Haha, I’m usually right there with the thank you, but I can’t help but follow up with the overshare as to where I got it (if it’s a clothes/accessories compliment), as if I expect the person to go out and buy a twin outfit right there.

    I’ve been trying to turn that impulse to SAY something more than thanks into a compliment of something of the other person’s too, which might be really obvious, but oh well. Like, “omg, thank you! I was just about to tell YOU how much I love your cute necklace!” Spread the giddiness, right?

  16. Many people have said this to me but I always react the same hahaha. Guess its time to work on it :)

    Thanks for the compliment!

  17. Yeah that sounds familiar. I need to work on that too. Good luck to you, and all the commenters trying to master; how to take a compliment ;-)

  18. Thanks. Sounds so familiar. I’m really into complimenting people, but I can’t really take them :)

  19. This is so me! I make some comment along the lines of but my hair needs a wash or I feel like a blimp.

    Need to practice saying thank you instead.

    • I did it! I consciously said thank you rather than being all like well erm my hair is like I went through a bush backwards on the way here.

  20. I need to work on this. THANK YOU

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