Crush of the Week

Crush of the Week: Once Upon A Time's Captain Hook

This week I learned about the power of true love and I learned it from a television show called Once Upon A Time.

So, I had a lot of time to kill this week, so I did the completely sensible thing and used all my free time to watch a Netflix/Hulu Plus marathon of ABC’s Once Upon A Time.

And here’s what I thought about it:

1 episode in: “Oh, this is a cool show. This is interesting, but why are the costumes in the Enchanted Forest so budget?”

7 episodes in: “Of course they kill the hottest guy with the most indeterminate accent on the show. OF COURSE.”

11 episodes in: “Oh, seriously? The only thing the genie wants once freed is true love? There’s more to life, you know. There’s…like…uh…wine.”

13 episodes in: “Does anyone ever sacrifice everything on this show for their one true career choice? Because I would relate to a character like that.”

15 episodes in: “Is that branch outside going to crash through our window? Are you sure? I’m going to close the blinds because that might help absolutely nothing.”

17 episodes in: “I mean…I like the villains a lot. That’s uh…why I’m still…uh…watching.”

22 episodes in: {rolling eyes} “Let me guess, the solution to every problem on this show is true love’s kiss?”

23 episodes in–WE ARE NOW IN SEASON TWO, PEOPLE: “Are they seriously going with the true love’s kiss thing again?”


26 episodes in: “No, this show is also about making ultimate sacrifices for your children. So there’s never going to be a character who makes sacrifices for her career on this show? Just checking.”


Okay, so two weeks ago, Once Upon a Time introduced their version of J. M. Barrie’s legendary villain, Captain Hook, and I finallly broke down and believed in true love.

Usually when a man with a British accent swaggers across my television screen, I take that as an immediate sign that I need to hop on google and research everything about this actor I’ve never seen before in order to ascertain if he should or shouldn’t play the part of my imaginary boyfriend. This isn’t true love. This is true fantasy. I’m aware of this, and I’m okay with this, and I’m sure the actors who have been cast as my imaginary boyfriend would be fine, too, since actors are always looking for good leading man work–even if it is in my daydreams.

Here’s how I know that what I feel about Captain Hook, or Killian Jones, as he’s called on Once Upon A Time, isn’t a fantasy, but rather, true love: I don’t give a flying monkey about the actor who plays him. I mean, I’m aware that the actor’s name is Colin O’Donoghue and that he’s Irish. That’s all I need or want to know. Colin O’Donoghue is not in line to be my imaginary boyfriend.

Captain Hook, however, is a candidate to be my one true love.

What do I love about him? EVERYTHING.

  • I love that he’s a pirate. Pirates are like sailors who are independently employed and who also, uh, stab things with swords. It’s hot.
  • I love that he wears eyeliner. Men who wear make-up are secure enough in their masculinity that they are totally cool with using some kohl to brighten up their eyes. It’s hot.
  • I love how the camera pans over him from boot to face. It’s hot.
  • I love how he makes jokes. You’ve got to love a man with a sense of humor-even if it’s gallows humor. It’s hot.
  • I love his sword fighting skills. They’re hot.
  • I love how he’s morally ambiguous. It’s hot.
  • I love how he says “Neverland”. It’s hot.
  • I love how he has an interest in manners. Politeness makes me swoon. It’s hot.
  • I love his face. It’s hot.
  • I love his facial hair. It’s hot.
  • I love how he has the good sense to wear a lot of black. It’s slimming and less prone to stains. Oh, and it’s  hot.
You know how in Love, Actually, Andrew Lincoln shows up outside Keira Knightley’s door? He does this whole silent poster thing where he says, “To me, you are perfect.” I wish there was a way I could do that for Captain Hook. Except I wouldn’t want to stand outside in the cold and I wouldn’t stay silent. I would scream it at him. I would scream it so loudly that everyone in a four block radius would be terrified of me. Captain Hook wouldn’t be terrified, though, because Captain Hook doesn’t get terrified. He just gets more brooding. See? He’s perfect.

Here’s the thing: it’s not just me who’s in love with Captain Hook. Ratings for the fantasy series increased by about 10% as soon as his character was introduced. In a show that’s filled with guest stars and a rotating cast of supporting characters, it was announced almost immediately that O’Donoghue would join the main cast in the second half of the season. He’s rumored to be the love interest for lead actress Jennifer Morrison’s character, Emma Swan. I mean, that would be cool. I really like Emma Swan because she’s one of the few female characters you can find on television right now who’s motivation is solving crimes and breaking spells and protecting the son she put up for adoption as a teenager. She deserves a devastatingly gorgeous love interest like Captain Hook. So, I can get down with that…except I wanted Captain Hook to get down with me first. 

Okay, maybe it is just a fantasy. But by watching every single episode of Once Upon A Time in only a few days’ time, I’ve tricked myself into believing that fantasies can come true.

Featured image via Once Upon A Time wikia

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