There’s a cliched saying that the eyes are the windows into the soul.
By looking a person square in the eyes you can supposedly tell if he or she is innocent, kindhearted, lying to you or an actual demon using a person’s body as a skin suit.
All I know is that when I look into Nicholas Hoult’s eyes, all I can see is that he is impossibly, incredibly and unbelievably gorgeous–and I want to make out with his face.
Look, Nicholas Hoult is an incredibly attractive man. He’s tall. He’s got great cheekbones. He wears Tom Ford suits really well. Not to mention, he’s got kind of an old school cheeky charm about him. Oh, and he can sing.
He can pretty much do it all, from romancing a girl while still in full zombie mode to being young Beast in X-Men: First Class to quietly dating and breaking up with everyone’s favorite actress, Jennifer Lawrence, to surviving instant child stardom as one of the titular boys in About A Boy.
However, what really puts him over the edge in the weekly battle for my affections is his eyes.
Nicholas Hoult’s Eyes are the most perfect eyes in the history of mankind. Even if you were to tell me in the comments that he needs to wear contacts or had Lasik because his vision was impaired, that wouldn’t matter to me. What matters to me is how his two perfect eyes gaze through my skin, past my bones, and into my internal organs. Maybe they also see into my soul, but I’m not sure if that’s how the “eyes are the window into the soul” cliche works. In fact, I’m certain that’s not how it works.
Nicholas Hoult’s Eyes are so bright and so blue there isn’t even a Pantone mix for them. They defy the color range as established by nature. They are electric cerulean with a tint of blue sky after a hurricane. They are a color that only appears in the world of Tron and of course in Nicholas Hoult’s Eyes.
Nicholas Hoult’s Eyes look like lakes you would find in Middle Earth: pure, perfect and filled with magic. If you could swim in them, you’d probably be swimming with sea dragons and elves.
When I look into Nicholas Hoult’s Eyes, I hear classical music and the music fills me with calm and peace and joy. If Nicholas Hoult blinks for too long, I am plunged into a dark world of silence.
Nicholas Hoult’s Eyes are just really great, okay?
How great? Well, when I saw Warm Bodies last weekend there was this moment (SPOILER ALERT) where Teresa Palmer’s and Analeigh Tipton’s characters clean Nicholas Hoult’s R up to look more human. There’s a montage that involves the theme song to Pretty Woman and M83’s excellent “Midnight City”, but it almost made me roll my eyes and laugh. Why? Because after they clean him off and cover him in make up, the girls suddenly realize he’s cute.
Honestly, that’s ridiculous.
Sure, Nicholas Hoult is a flesh-eating, brain-munching, undead, unwashed and unstyled zombie throughout most of the film, but he’s still hot. Why? Because even when he’s covering in zombie make-up and lurching through an airport looking for humans to munch on, his eyes were still bluer than the dog from Blue’s Clues.
Nicholas Hoult’s Eyes are inhumanly beautiful. It’s as though some god of eyeballs floated down from Mount Olympus and sired him just so I could have the pleasure of staring at him. I mean, just so we could all have the pleasure of staring at him.
I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I have no idea if eyes are the window into the soul, but Nicholas Hoult’s Eyes are the gateway to my undying affection.
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