There are three points that I want to make this week:
1) Daniel Day Lewis is possibly the best film actor alive.
2) He spends most of The Last of the Mohicans shirtless (or wearing a low cut shirt that exposes his perfect torso) and running around the wilderness of upstate New York protecting the woman he loves and her sister.
3) “I will find you.“
Now, number one you could probably dispute. You could easily cite Meryl Streep or Robert De Niro or Gary Oldman or Denzel Washington or Jack Nicholson as equally good film actors. Except Day Lewis is on course to become the first man to win three Best Actor Oscars. It’s not that awards matter or anything, but Meryl Streep has only two Best Actress Oscars and one Best Supporting Actress Oscar and Jack Nicholson has two Best Actor Oscars and on Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Meaning, no film actor alive has been honored for three separate leading film roles by the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences. There’s a very strong chance that Daniel Day Lewis will be in a week’s time.
Number two? You cannot argue with truth.
Daniel Day Lewis spends most of The Last of the Mohicans running around topless–and it is glorious. Michael Mann actually commented that for the role Day Lewis beefed up and Ben Stiller made this hilariously on point sketch about how fit Day Lewis was.
I like to think that Day Lewis spent months in the woods and partaking in a rigorous workout regime not for the benefit of the character of Hawkeye, but for the benefit of me. Guys, I was home alone all last weekend. I was snowed in. I had nothing to do but watch The Last of the Mohicans on Netflix, and let me tell you that the sight of Daniel Day Lewis running topless through the wilderness kept me going in a way that food and alcohol alone could not. He is so beautiful in this film that my heart actually repeatedly moaned.
He also has a gun and a hatchet that he’s pretty badass with and he speaks in a stilted wilderness accent so Kentucky sounds like “Can-Tuck-Hee”. He’s the ultimate colonial wilderness hottie.
Look, Daniel Day Lewis is just really, really, unbelievably hot in The Last of the Mohicans.
I mean, I guess he’s hot in Age of Innocence, too. He’s swoonfully sad and romantic in that film. He looks great in 19th century clothes, too. He’s also sexy in the type of way a European Don Draper would be in Nine, but that doesn’t really do it for me. And I guess some women are probably into the idea of making out with Abraham Lincoln.
The weird thing about crushing on Daniel Day Lewis is that because he immerses himself so fully into his roles, that he literally becomes a different person every time he acts. I have a tremendous crush on Daniel Day Lewis as Hawkeye, but am totally grossed out by him as Bill the Butcher. It doesn’t help matters that it’s tough to crush on him in real life because he’s this total enigma.
He’s soft-spoken and comes across socially awkward in televised interviews. He’s not married to a supermodel, but Arthur Miller’s daughter, film director Rebecca Miller. He doesn’t frequent the Hollywood scene and prefers to chill out in New York City and Ireland. Acting was a back-up career for him because he didn’t get into his first choice “school”, which was a five-year apprenticeship as a cabinet maker. (What can I say? He loves to woodwork!) And he took a massive break from film-making in the late 90s wherein he moved to Italy and apprenticed himself as a cobbler.
Wait. What am I saying? That’s not enigmatic or weird at all. Real life Daniel Day Lewis is hot.
You might think I’m joking, but you’re wrong. Who wouldn’t want their enigmatic Anglo-Irish lover to give up Hollywood on his terms and cobble you custom-made Italian leather shoes? Also, he seems to be pretty faithful to his wife and pretty grounded when you compare him to other stars. I think I would rather be married to a movie star who preferred whittling to yachting. I mean, one of those hobbies is artful and productive and the other is just opulent and wasteful.
Guys, Daniel Day Lewis is a stone cold fox. We just have to deal with it. And if you can’t deal with it, please refer to my third point.
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