Shannon, I also have a much younger sister–and from the way you describe your sister, she sounds a lot like mine–so I empathize with your plight. Here’s a story I hope might help:

When I was in elementary school and middle school, I WAS the bully. Consciously or otherwise, I bullied other girls because I thought the only way to stay ahead and not be bullied myself was to be the bully first.

Then I had to go to a different high school than all the kids I’d grown up with. Suddenly I was the underdog. I had to be nice to people, because I had no friends to fall back on.

Fortunately for me, this school was filled with an entirely different personality of students than my last one–they were all nice back. And they stayed nice. After I’d been there a year, I forgot how to be a bully.

Then, one day I was freshening my makeup in the restroom between classes, and an upperclassman walked out from one of the stalls. She joined me at the sink and she said, without even really looking up:

“Thanks for always being nice to my sister. I know some of the other girls have been mean to her, since she was always homeschooled and doesn’t know how high school works. Sometimes she comes home crying and wants to quit, but she always says you’re nice to her.”

I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t even know that this older girl knew my name, and here she was telling me that I was one of the only underclassmen–in a school filled with people I saw as nice, good people–she approved of, because I was nice to her sister.

I knew exactly who her sister was. I didn’t think I’d ever been especially nice to her. Just pleasant. I didn’t even really know she was having a hard time. But after that, I made a special point to always say hi to her, to sit with her when I saw her alone, and to help her when I knew she was struggling in one of her classes.

It had a big impact on me (a) to have someone older (not teacher age–”cool” older age) single me out, and (b) to have that person tell me that I was doing something right. It really encouraged me to keep doing right, and to do it even better.

I know you’re not in school with your sister, but you’re in a special position to help her, anyway. If you know that one or two people in your sister’s life who are still nice to her, you can encourage them to keep at it. Not ask them to pity her, just tell them that you appreciate what they’re doing. They might not even know she’s having a hard time; it might need to be pointed out for them.

That girl who was bullied at my school ended up becoming best friends with the most popular girl in her class. They graduated several years ago and went to different schools, but they’re still friends.

Your sister can break out of the cycle. She might just need a little help from her big sis.

It was mostly this one particular girl, lets call her Amanda, who was then Queen Bee. But. instead of seeing the evil Amanda who pulled out a huge chunk of my long hair i took so much pride in in 4th grade, or remembering the time we were on an overnight trip to Williamsburg, Virginia in 5th grade and she found my diary and read it outloud to everyone while I was in the showers, or the girl who in 8th grade stole my boyfriend, and told everyone the first day of high school that I’d gotten intimate with a dog over the summer, I was shocked to see how blatantly obvious how unhappy she was now and how her life had clearly spiraled out of control. (Please excuse that run on sentence!) I immediately got a message from “Amanda” asking how I was doing like we were long lost friends.

The 7 year old girl in me who wanted to rub it in her face how great I was going, but as I tried to write a snarky response I realized all this “being the bigger person” stuff my mom would tell me when I’d come home crying when I had to get a bra in 3rd grade and Amanda came up behind me snap it, was true. I wanted to be the bigger person.

Like your title sister, I was targeted for being a softy, too nice, and the way too forgiving thing has just gotten worse for me, but as I got older I was able to take some of those weaknesses and turn them into strong points. Amanda ended up asking if I wanted to grab coffee sometime while I was home. I was confused but agreed, and actually ended up having a good time. And at the end, when we were walking out of the coffee shop to go home (I had to pick her up in my own car because she didn’t have one and was living in a halfway house), she told me how sorry she was shed been so mean to me way back when.

Am I still too forgiving and am I an idiot for not rubbing it in her face how well I’m doing? Maybe. But I do know it felt good to give her a hug and tell her the past was the past, to keep moving forward, and to call me if she ever needed someone to talk to.

So whats my point? I don’t know, exactly. My parents always taught me to treat everyone like I’d want to be treated and the mind of a bully doesn’t make sense to me. I’d be heartbroken to have a little sister going trough that (I’m the youngest in my family). I’d say the best advice is to just be her big sister, give her lots of love. Tell her it gets better, because it does. And give her a big hug from me. Bullying is terrible and thankfully its being brought to attention more now than it did when we were in grade school.