I have a confession to make. I don’t want to hug you. Its not that I don’t like you. I do, probably. I just really don’t enjoy hugging in any form. I know this probably makes me sound cold or like I suffer from some Monk level OCD contamination fears. Neither is true. Nor did I spend my formative years in a creepy Soviet orphanage where I had no physical contact.
Hugging to me just doesn’t feel natural. It is never my instinct to hug someone. The worst is when I run into some random acquaintance I haven’t seen in awhile and the first thing they do is try to hug me. I always think “Umm hi, girl I sat next to in Algebra, we haven’t spoken in 10 years and prior to that we have never once in the history of our association hugged each other, but you are going in for the hug? Okay.”
In a way though, I’m jealous of these natural huggers. They certainly come off as much warmer and friendlier than me even if it might not be wholly genuine. Since I don’t want to come off as unapproachable or snobby, I’ve gotten pretty good at faking enjoying hugs over the years. I am now able to hug someone without doing the creepy straight armed Dr. Evil style hug. Progress.
The biggest test for me is first dates. Up until about 6 months ago I was in a long term relationship. And let the record show I did hug him. Often. But now that I’m back in the dating world, I’m routinely faced with the dilemma of to hug or not to hug. Men are understandably turned off if I announce to them within seconds of meeting that I don’t like to hug. I’m sure they are thinking that I don’t enjoy other forms of physical contact. Not true, by the way.
So I normally let other people dictate the terms of first contact. If they go in for a hug, I will return it warmly. But I will never be the “hug initiator.” Maybe someday I’ll be able to proudly own my non-hugging status and have t-shirts made that say “You seem like an awesome person and I’d like to get to know you better, but please don’t touch me.” Although reading that would necessitate people staring at my chest when they first meet me and somehow that doesn’t feel like an improvement over a hug. In the meantime, I guess I’ll continue faking it.
I feel better now that I’ve made this confession even though it is embarrassing. Now let’s hug it out.
You can read more from Amanda Fox on her blog.
Feature image via Getty Images.
Yes! Finally another non hugger that understands me!! I’m game on wearing the shirt by the way.
I feel the same way!! I am not a hugger. Its not my thing. My best friends and I hand hug, That’s about all the contact I can handle. We should form an group .. the anti- hugging group. hahah
So with you on the you didn’t talk to me at school why are you hugging me now?!! I think I make it worse because I don’t even awkwardly return their unwanted hug, I just stand there with my arms by my side.
I feel the same way.
I am the same way, Even High fives or hand shaking freak me out. I thought I was the only one.
Oh my god that shirt idea made me laugh! I want one!
Hugs that aren’t genuine are awful, date hugs=uuurrrgh no
Hugging after not seeing someone for a long time? Okay. Hugging when saying goodbye to a close friend? Okay. Hugging after not seeing the person for a half an hour? Seriously?
Me too. I cant hug, it just feels awkward and weird.
I used to be a non-hugger. i created my own self-imposed therapy by hugging every one. I’m better at it now, but there is a little worm in the back of my head as I go in for the hug that says “No no no do NOT like!”
It’s weird but me and my best friend don’t hug. I hug my husband and Family members but I find friend hugging just awkward. Unless I’m drunk and then I love everyone. You know what’s worse than hugging for me? Small talk, especially with people I haven’t seen in years. Torture.
Something’s wrong with my brain. I read this, & now all I want to do is hug my best friend… I’m fairly certain that was the message?
I too am a non-hugger. It feels weird and I don’t like it. Especially if I don’t know you. I think my mom is the only one really allowed to hug me.
I could have wrote this word for word!
I agree , hand shakes and hugs, I don’t know why but I don’t like them usually, my friends alway try to hug me and call me an awkard hugger… why do girls hug so much? however highfives I’m okay with, usually.
Damita,I certainly unesrdtand what you’re saying. Hugging upon greeting has always been a Texas thing and popular in the South in general. Some other areas of the country greet each other a bit more formally. When I see someone approaching me that I don’t really want to hug I wait until they’re close enough and then I offer them a handshake instead. Some people aren’t very good at reading body language and may insist on a hug anyway but others will embrace your handshake and respect your personal space. Next time you see me, feel free to offer me a handshake instead. Julie
I have always hated hugs.they are alright from my boyfriend but that’s about it( and even that took awhile)…I just find the concept of them weird, like hand shakes and high fives too.Lets randomly touch each other strangely in greeting…I think a simple hello would suffice.
Lol, i feel the exact same way about hugging, always thought i was a weirdo lol. I can hug my hubby all day, just not other people ;p
I love hugs! But I only enjoy hugging people I love and/or feel a connection with.