Written Rambles Concepts That We Don't Have Words For, But Should Tyler Vendetti

The dictionary is growing larger by the second. With words like “twerk” and “selfie” being inducted into our vocabulary every year, it’s only a matter of time before everyone’s favorite reference book becomes heavy enough to be a weapon. Supply the world’s armies with dictionaries instead of guns and their enemies would surrender almost immediately. Despite the breadth of the English language, there are still some concepts that lack a place among Webster’s other officialized words. Though I have discussed the unusual specificity of the English language before, I’ve realized that there remains a collection of common ideas that still don’t have proper names to match. In an effort to eliminate this discrepancy and give these phenomena the attention they deserve, I’ve decided to spotlight a few and propose potential titles so that they may be added to the dictionary in the future. I mean, if “twerk” is sophisticated enough to earn a spot in the big book, why can’t some of these?

Proposed word: GIFticle

Definition: an online listicle made primarily out of GIFs

Example: 10 Best Jennifer Lawrence GIFs of 2013

I love lamp. I also love listicles. They’re short, simple, and straight to the point. They’ve revolutionized the online writing business (though some may say in a bad way) by making “clickbait” easier than ever to produce. Recently, a new type of listicle has emerged, one composed almost entirely out of moving pictures called GIFs. (If I were to get into the thorny details of this word’s pronunciation, I would say it’s spoken with a hard G like “gift,” even though the creator of this term would apparently disagree.) Put simply, GIFs are real-life versions of the “moving newspaper images” from Harry Potter. When you put more than one in an article, you’re guaranteed to rake in at least ten thousand views.

How most people react to GIFticles.

Proposed word: Dance-iled

Definition: to “exile” someone from his or her room in order to have a one-person dance party

Example: “I came home from work to find my door locked and pop music on high volume. I was definitely dance-iled.”

I’ve lived in a single for two weeks now and during that time I’ve discovered that random dance parties are one of the best things in the entire world. There’s nothing better than putting headphones in and violently jamming to Taylor Swift. Contrastingly, there’s nothing worse than having someone walk in on that embarrassment. Therefore, I find “dance-iling” to be an entirely acceptable move. No one should be denied the freedom to lip-sync to Britney Spears in their spare time. It’s a God-given right.

Proposed word: Ragemark

Definition: The positively frustrating mark left over on the chalkboard or whiteboard when it’s not erased properly.

Example: “Ms. Baker left a ragemark on the board this morning and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

I wouldn’t say I have full-blown OCD because when it comes to disorder, my only qualms have to do with misplaced chalkboard markings. I can become irrationally hooked on a leftover marker spot or chalk line if a negligent professor wipes down the board in the wrong way or hurriedly erases a chunk of text without checking for rogue marks. I’d choose nails on a chalkboard over a sloppy erasing job any day.

Proposed word: Toilexty

Definition: The feeling of panic you get when you notice the empty toilet paper roll after you’ve already done your business.

Example: “Then, I realized there was no toilet paper and toilexty kicked in. There wasn’t even any towels so I actually had to use the cat…”

I’ve always sympathized with Ben Stiller’s character in the dreadful Along Came Polly (2004) toilet scene because it perfectly summarizes the feeling of sheer panic you feel when you notice the empty toilet roll a little too late. They don’t teach you how to deal with these situations in school. (Lord knows Bathroom Emergencies 101 would be more helpful than Woodshop.) Toilexty, a portmanteau of “toilet” and “anxiety,” would give a name to that end-of-the-world feeling you experience.

Proposed word: Rememoroom

Definition: The act of forgetting why you entered a room as you’re entering it.

Example: I walked all the way back up to the 42nd floor only to have rememoroom kick in. I came all that way for nothing.

A mix of “remember” and “room” (I know, I know… I’m a wordsmith, hold your applause), rememoroom would finally give a name to one of the most common memory blunders, though it wouldn’t stop you from wandering around the house for hours on end wondering what you have been looking for. The worst part is I can only ever seem to remember what I wanted when I’ve gone so far that it’s not even worth it to turn back.

What other concepts out there don’t have names to match? What would you call them if you had the opportunity?

Image via Shutterstock

 

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  2. These words are brilliant! Especially Rememeroom! Lol I get that a lot!

  3. I am so sick of portmanteaus. Can we only use them if Natalie Portman reaches a plateau in her career? Then we can say portmanteau all we want. Given that it is such an unlikely event, I feel comfortable with allowing them in that circumstance.

    Also, the doorway thing is called the Boundary Effect. Essentially, when you walk through a doorway, your mind files away the activities and thoughts from the old room and starts fresh as you move to the next. New room, new memories. As you’re moving from one room to another, repeat your thought or intention to yourself, or say it aloud, which helps override the brain glitch.

    The TP thing is why checking before you sit and/or wet wipes in your purse are never bad ideas.