Most of you probably know who Rob Delaney is. Because he’s hilarious. You likely follow him on twitter @RobDelaney or have seen him playing Don Draper in one of Funny or Die’s awesome MA Men video shorts or have seen his brilliant stand up live, or maybe his incredibly honest one man show Rob Delaney is Naked and Bloody or spotted him alongside Flo in one of the Progressive car insurance commercials or maybe you read his regular column for Vice.
I’ll tell you this much, whether you knew of Rob Delaney or not, you will now. Why? Because yesterday Rob Delaney announced that he’s suing Kim Kardashian to stop her divorce from Kris Humphries. He’s also suing Ryan Seacrest, E! Entertainment Television and Comcast for promoting their marriage because Rob feels it was all a sham. You should absolutely read Rob’s Vice column discussing this in it’s entirety.
Kim filed for divorce from Kris yesterday. Which means they were married for 72 days. I’m no marriage expert. But that’s the opposite of a long time. The internet is blowing up with people coming forward to pat Rob on the back WiFi-style. I’m certainly one of those people. I’m fascinated by Rob’s decision to sue and feel like this will make a lot of people think on marriage and Hollywood and “reality”, or lack there of. I’m lucky enough to call Rob Delaney a friend, so naturally I was excited to chat with him about this. *The opinions expressed in this interview are solely that of mine and Rob’s. HelloGiggles is just the lovely house in which this interview sits.
1. You’re suing Kim Kardashian to stop her divorce from Kris Humphries. You’re also suing Ryan Seacrest, E! Entertainment Television and Comcast for promoting what you claim to be a sham of a marriage. God, I love you, Rob Delaney. God, I want to join your marriage in a non-sham way. God, I’m going to move on now. Rob, you are one of the funniest and smartest comedians out there. You have a tremendous following both online and at your live shows. But this lawsuit is not just a comedic bit for you, is it? Tell us a little bit about it.
First off, I love you, too, Jill. I’d like you to join my marriage in a non-sham way. Just because you’re mostly gay and I’m mostly straight doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t occasionally make love on one or more of my boats if we see fit.
This lawsuit is not a joke. I am, in fact, suing Kim and her cohorts. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I do plan to make a stink and do my best to encourage Kim and Kris to stay together.
2. Did you consult with a lawyer before deciding that you were going to go ahead with this lawsuit? If so, did the lawyer tell you that you were genius or crazy? If you didn’t consult with a lawyer, have you since retained one? Are lawyers throwing themselves at you? I envision all people throwing themselves at you all of the time.
I didn’t consult with a lawyer. But upon announcing the suit, several lawyers offered their services on a pro-bono basis. “Pro-bono” is Latin for “I support the lead singer of U2 and the half of Sonny and Cher that is not Cher.” It is fair to say that I have a legal “team” now.
3. In a perfect world, how would you like to see this lawsuit play out? In my opinion, the world is already more perfect than we thought it was, purely based on the fact that you are suing Kim Kardashian to try to stop her divorce. Do you feel like the goal of your lawsuit is to shine a light on the circus, or to win money that you can give to some of the places and people that you feel could really utilize it? Or, do you want A BRAND NEW CAR?!
If I could dictate the outcome of the case, Kim and Kris would sincerely try to make their marriage work. I don’t want the money, even though I may have already promised several million dollars to my uncle Mitchell, who is a drug dealer and convicted sex offender in Rhode Island. What would make me happiest is if all Kardashians retired immediately from television and Kim and Kris stayed together and found happiness.
4. Do you definitely get to go to court? Roughly how long would it take before you get a court date? Will you tweet from court? Please say yes. If you’re concerned about being distracted, may I offer myself to come to the court house and be your twitter stenographer?
I don’t definitely get to go to court. I mean, physically, I filed the suit in a court building, but there’s no guarantee that Kim will yell, “You can’t handle the truth!” at me while jurors fan themselves in the Mississippi heat.
And yes, even if there’s no exciting court date, I’d like you to be my stenographer, because I ROUTINELY make spelling and grammar errors in my tweets and embarrass myself.
5. One of the main reasons being cited for the divorce is that Kris wanted them to move to Minnesota while Kim wanted to stay here in Los Angeles. Do you think this is the first time that Minnesota has been blamed for a divorce?
Minnesota is not often blamed for divorces. Wisconsin, on the other hand, is a Godless wasteland which has broken many a marriage.
6. In the press, Kris is claiming to have been blindsided by the divorce. Do you feel like it’s possible to be “blindsided” by divorce?
Kris is lying or profoundly mentally handicapped. I am betting it’s mostly the former and a little of the latter. Also, I think it’s funny that you use the term “blindsided,” when the star of The Blind Side, Sandra Bullock was in fact “blindsided” by Third Reich enthusiast Jesse James’ affair with fellow Michelle “Bombshell” McGee. So divorce can not only blindside you, it can do so by dropping a bombshell.
7. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’ marriage lasted an uncomfortably brief 72 days. If you had 72 minutes to spend with Kim, Kris, Ryan Seacrest, the head of E! Entertainment Television and the head of Comcast, what would you do and say to them? How, if at all, would you divide your time?
I would focus on Kim. The others are beyond reach, I’m sure. I’d do my best to explain to her that she is poisoning the planet with her shows and that quite possibly the BEST thing she could do is quit right now and go live in a little apartment in a small town with her husband Kris and give marriage a whirl. (Note: even a “whirl” is longer than 72 days.)
Read more from Rob here.