Coats are My Friends

The fall lines are coming out and that means only one thing for me: coats.

I need to make this clear: I love coats. No, scratch that. I worship coats. Whoever invented coats is up there with Al Gore, inventor of the internet. That joke is still relevant, right?

I don’t know what it is about coats. I like dresses, I like shoes, I like pants and even shirts get the thumbs up from me, but coats make my heart race. They make me fuzzy and warm, protect me from the harsh winter weather and always look sharp. COATS ARE MY BEST FRIENDS, OKAY? Whereas it always seems my favorite coats cost well into triple digits, here are my picks for some coats under $100 that will make you burst into tears and beg for more and make you feel less alone in this world because they will always be there for you no matter what.


People don’t give single breast coats enough credit. Double breast coats are the bragging over achievers in life, and it’s obnoxious to be friends with people like that. This coat is the friend who is brilliant but doesn’t show off: the one who helps you with your homework but never makes you feel like a freaking idiot. This is the Hermione Granger of your coats: smart, sharp, witty but doesn’t judge you if you don’t do your hair or if your makeup is smudged. In fact, it doesn’t care about your appearance at all. This coat loves your mind and for that, you will love it back.


Is there a theme going with the colors? Whatever, I don’t even care. This trench is pretty much my new best friend. I foresee it bringing me Starbucks when I’m feeling down and braiding my hair and telling me I’m pretty even when I’m crying and dripping ice cream all over myself. That’s what a good coat does. It comes in khaki, but khaki would most likely bring me Starbucks without soy and make snide comments about dandruff while it braided my hair and remind me that frozen yogurt is healthier, and that’s just not what I’m looking for, you know?


Military jackets are boss. I will never get enough of them. I have one from H&M back in 10th grade (AKA dinosaur times) that is missing buttons and just barely fits, but who cares? It is my buddy. Military jackets are the bad ass friend who is like, “Okay listen, you need to shut up and get over yourself, he didn’t break up with you because he’s too busy, he broke up with you because you weren’t worth his time, so stop crying, get mad and let’s go to kick boxing.” This coat does not put up with your s**t but if anyone messes with you, it’s like, “HEY. SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER AND YOU’RE A DOUCHE, SO BACK OFF.” It makes you look and feel kick ass and that is always a good thing.


I cannot get enough of this coat. First of all, the color is so perfect. Second, those sleeves are phenom and third, the mix of slight military (I dare you to replace those buttons with brass or silver ones) and flouncy (that’s the technical word) is too much to handle. Unlike the military jacket (AKA bad ass friend) above that bragged a small ruffle to make it a tad more feminine, this coat is the friend who is highly sarcastic but totally cried at Larry Crowne. This coat is all, “It’s sad how James Franco is so mainstream now,” but listens to Coldplay like it’s her job. A bundle of contradictions but completely awesome. This coat gets my Maid of Honor Award: fashionable, honest and willing to help you hide your flaws. And that price! Whew. I need to calm down.

And that’s my report on BFF coats. I hope you enjoyed. Um, how do I wrap this up?


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