Gumdrop Lane

Clams And Cupcakes, Episode 1: Toilet Annoyances and Pocket Miracles

This is the first in a new series entitled Clams and Cupcakes in which I’m talking clams and cupcakes. Allow me to explain: ‘clams’ refers to my annoyances and irritations with every day life, as in ‘that really steams my clams!’ And ‘cupcakes‘ refers to the happiness and magic found in the world around me, as in ‘that ices my cupcakes!’

People say it’s the little things that count, but it’s really the little things that upset and enrage you and/or make you giggle like a baby who just realized it could communicate with the family dog. So, yeah. I guess what I’m saying is what people say about little things counting is right. Except they need to get more specific in their meaning of ‘count’ but whatever. I guess I’ll just do everything for everybody.

Today’s video explores what happens when I forget to replace the toilet paper roll in the bathroom – an occurrence that happens far too often – and the unexpected pleasures one can find in one’s coat pocket. Please, enjoy:

Again, these things may seem inconsequential until you consider the gravity of the situation. If there’s no toilet paper on the toilet roll and a business deal has been struck (if ya know what I mean!), you are essentially a prisoner of the toilet. You are a sad little human with a sad little bum or front-bum and you are forced to improvise.

Imagine the things Steve Jobs would have thought of if only he had been trapped on the toilet with no minions to fetch him more toilet paper – we’d have amazing tiny toilet entertainment systems that probably broke a lot for no reason and the people at the Genius Bar would say our hard drive was busted but then an hour later the computer would magically fix it self and the mystery would continue -but none of us would care! He would’ve probably invented a portable toilet-like device that would fit in your pocket, thus eliminating the need for paper altogether. It probably would’ve come in some zany color – like white! Ah, the iToilet. No, the iPoop. ¬†Yes, the iPoop. How would you function? Alas, we’ll never know. Both Steve and his toilet-ideas have been flushed, so to speak.

And the wonder of a pocket is only fully illuminated when you explore the dark depths of its powers. It can conceal and preserve everything from money to objects to edible objects! Will wonders never cease? They never will.

Have you ever been stranded on the toilet? Ever found something weird in your pocket? Cause I sure have and did. Let’s bond!

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