Graphing the GossipChanning Tatum does a stripped-down press tour, Miley Cyrus likes short shorts, Ke$ha gets mouthySasha Pasulka

Welcome to this week’s edition of Graphing the Gossip, where we plot out the plottings of celebrity PR flacks, and the news sources who buy what they’re selling. All graphs are courtesy of celeb stock market game Pop Salad

Channing Tatum Shows us What a Successful Press Tour Looks Like

This week, Channing Tatum proved once and for all what dedicated patrons of the local Golden Banana have been claiming for years: half-naked men can be just as amusing as half-naked women.

On the press circuit for his new stripper film, Magic Mike, Tatum spoke candidly about his favorite stripperwear, his preference for private lap dances, and perhaps most surprisingly, the source of his killer moves: HIS PAST STRIPPING CAREER. Vintage footage of Tatum’s first performances spread like wildfire, serving as a real-life teaser for fans already fantasizing about Mike’s promised magic.

And the icing on this week’s beefcake? During an appearance on the Today show Monday, Channing even managed to revolutionize that random-group-dance trend with a version actually worth watching: a strip mob.

Here’s to hoping that doesn’t go mainstream at the local mall cafeteria.

Miley Cyrus Turns Little Clothes into Big News

We know that ‘little clothes results in big news’ is basically Newton’s Law of Celebrity, but Miley Cyrus must have a grant from MIT to build out the formal proof. Happily engaged and in the self-proclaimed “best shape” of her life, the retired actress/singer — whether on her way to lunch, leaving a meeting or shopping with friends — is practically turning daisy dukes into a verb. And we can’t exactly blame the media for broadcasting every minute of it.

Below see Miley’s impressive-for-not-actually-doing-or-saying-anything Pop Salad score.

daisy-duking [v.]: Miley Cyrus right now, yesterday and tomorrow.

Ke$ha is Desperate

Shocker, yeah. But we simply had to include this excerpt to show those celebrities in the pits of Pop Society one easy way to get some public recognition.

The above spike represents Ke$ha’s score the day she tweeted a photo of this new tattoo:

Celebrities on the brink of irrelevancy: If you want tips on how to get mass media attention only to plummet back into anonymity, take note of whatever comes on or out of Ke$ha’s lips.

 

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