Carrie Bradshaw, Sacrifices, and One Sided RelationshipsCandice Sesi

Do you remember the Sex and the City episode when Carrie packs her Louboutins and vintage Chanel and moves to Paris to be with Whatshisfaceartgalleryguy? She gets to Paris to find him canoodling in a “saloon” with a young hot thing that she soon learns is his daughter, Chloe (hello awkward?). Carrie leaves them to their father-daughter bonding while Whatshisfaceartgalleryguy promises to meet her later for dinner – a dinner that he never showed up to. The episode continues this way with Carrie all alone in the foreign city of love, with high hopes of a beautiful romance, only to constantly be let down. Towards the end of the episode, Carrie takes a walk and steps in a pile of poop. Yes, poop. I’m not sure what animal produced it; that part wasn’t clear, but it was definitely poop. So, here she is, Carrie Bradshaw: a smart, stylish, and talented woman who has been so blessed to afford the luxury of a designer wardrobe, move to Paris to be with her man and prance around town in white Louboutins, only to step in poop. This would happen… to me, at least.

In the next episode, Carrie gives up an important event that she was expected to attend to accompany Whatshisfaceartgalleryguy at a big deal exhibit opening. They get there, and what does that fool do? He ignores her all night. I felt so stupid watching this going down. It brought back pathetic memories of the times that I lost myself in some guy’s life. You know, you date and you do things together, mostly things he wants to do, and with his friends. You’re okay with it, because you LOOOOVVEE him so much. Before you know it, you’re cleaning poop off your brand new Jessica Simpson pumps because you can’t afford Loubs even if they are 75% off, and missing your best friends birthday party while this guy has all the fun. Sacrifices. One-sided relationships. Haven’t we all had at least one?

At the end of the episode, Carrie confronts Whatshisfaceartgalleryguy about how her life has basically sucked since she moved to Paris and right after he smacks her (he did for real), he says, “I thought I was clear about what I wanted.” The point is, maybe he didn’t tell her that he wasn’t in the business of falling in love, but his actions spoke volumes above any words he may have possibly uttered. His actions were clear as day. We all know Carrie was put on the earth to find love. So, being who she is, why would she stay with someone who has made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want love?

Sometimes the love of love makes us completely delusional. We hear what we want, we hold on to “what if”s and “maybe”s and to the desperate belief that we may change a man and his desires. The sad part is, we know deep down that we are forcing a relationship, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, and it’s only a matter of time before reality hits you like a ton of bricks. My question is, when we know someone isn’t right for us, yet we love the way they make us feel, even temporarily, do we walk away and avoid heartache? Or do we stick around for the sake of a good time, and because maybe, just maybe, he may change his mind about us? Can we get a Single Girls Guide, pretty please, Erin?

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  1. This just happened to me the past few months and even though deep down I knew what I was doing I wanted it to work.. I’ve now realized hat sadly I wanted him to fill a void.. but I have also learned a great lesson that we as women don’t need to “follow” his lead – make our own path and let them follow us for a change. :-) Thanks for a great read!

  2. I was NOT happy she ended up with Big, not at all. Although she didn’t deserve Aidan I thought they would have ended up together. My favorite part of the entire series is when she talks to Big before she goes to Paris. “YOU AND I, NOTHING. You cannot do this to me again, you cannot jerk me around. It’s never different, it’s six years of never being different. But this is it, I am done. Don’t call me ever again. Forget you know my number, in fact, forget you know my name. And you can drive up and down this street all you want, because I DON’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE.” That…was the strongest I have ever seen her. I wish she would have stuck to her guns!

  3. I’ve always tought those two episodes were incredible, how on earth did they manage to make Paris feel like…hm…Siberia?? (not for the cold but for the unbearable loneliness).

  4. Love this post but am behind you completely in asking erin for a single girls guide!!!!!! Love you both!

  5. Ah Sex and the City… This show just reaches into the core of being a woman sometimes. I have been like everyone of the characters at some point or another and definitely made big sacrifices for the faith I have in love.

  6. Ugh. The Russian.

  7. I was that girl for 3 1/2 years. I knew deep down he wasn’t the one for me but I stayed anyway because I thought he would change or that I could fix him. Oh it was love, blah blah blah. I gave up my friends, family, hobbies for this guy because he was insecure and made me feel bad for having my own life. NEVER AGAIN am I going to do this with another guy! Hard lesson learned but lesson learned and I’m a much stronger woman because of it!

    Ladies, follow your gut! If it’s telling you something just isn’t right, just leave. The one time I didn’t follow my gut I ended up losing time with family, friends and worst off, I lost myself.

  8. Was “square peg” intended to be a reference to vintage SJP or a happy accident?

  9. Been dating someone for 3 months and this is where it’s going…no doubt in my mind! Was willing to put up with it too just to have someone to go places with and hoped things would get better but co-incidently decided last night that it just wasn’t good enough. Played some sad songs, had a good cry and already have the text composed (he lives 2.5 hrs away and we don’t call each other….I know!) Good to wake up, read this and feel validated. xo

    • Good for you! I’m happy you were able to see the truth before you invested even more of yourself. Stay strong and remember you deserve only the best and all the bells and whistles that come along with it!

  10. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUe3oVlxLSA

    I feel Sara Bareilles and this song are the perfect response to this song. “Maybe, a simple little word that can slay me”.

  11. I was that girl for 7 years. I was in love with the idea of being in love so much that I sacrificed those precious years of my life with a jerk who never amounted to anything. Ladies, if you have doubts or reservations, get out now before you end up being with that jerk/jerkstress for longer than they deserve. xo

  12. Umm, so I was the girl who actually went to Paris and found extreme disappointment in that relationship; it was lovely and comfortable and he was a great guy, but there was no romance in the City of Lights. There was no kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower, no lazy picnics in the park, and feeding each other croissant was a laughable idea. I found myself spending most of my time in our gorgeous apartment, all dressed up in my meticulously planned outfits with nowhere to go, waiting for him to sweep me off my feet (or at least go out for dinner). I had my own Mr. Big who was thisclose to flying to Paris to rescue me, but alas, his passport was expired. I came back and promptly rescued myself by ending the relationship (Mr. Big didn’t work out).

    C’est la vie!

  13. oh goodness. this totally describes my last relationship… i stuck around and thought he’d eventually start to pick up the slack on his part. he didn’t. and he ended up dumping me. but the truth is, he was a bad guy, not just for me, but he was overall, a bad guy for any chick. everyone seen it but me, and i was totally delusional and i loved the way he made me feel. if this happens to any other girl, just leave with your pride and dignity and know that you did all you could have . you deserve to be appreciated, and you’ll never find the guy if you’re with someone who treats you like crap.