Dear Car Purchasing Ingrid,
You’re in your twenties and you are about to buy your very first car. Congratulations! You just moved to LA all by your lonesome and now you’re taking the carbuying plunge. So many steps towards major independence. Look at you all grown up, in a new city, all by your solo self. First of all: Stop crying. It’s just a car. I think you’re displacing your anxiety, but what do I know? Second of all: take your time with such a big investment.
This is a major warning from your future self. If you don’t heed these warnings you will end up driving one of the cars from the movie Fast And The Furious and it’ll be a bumpy few years on the road. So let’s walk you through this…
1st Rule: DO NOT RUSH
You’re depending on the generosity of others to drive your bright eyes around this new city and you’re feeling uncomfortably needy. Don’t rush into buying a car because you don’t like asking people for rides to the grocery store. Let them drive you! Trust, girl, there’s an expiry date on your new girl status, so let the Angelenos drive your fresh face around this town a little longer. This is the biggest purchase of your life.
Take this seriously, do a little research, don’t buy the first one you see or… you will end up driving a drag racing vehicle. Not joking.
2nd Rule: BRING A FRIEND
Your mother is going to tell you to bring a MAN with you to all the car dealerships. In fact, she will e-mail a famous talk show host and ask him to go with you. She doesn’t know this person, but she thinks he’s a nice guy and could help her young girl-daughter. You will find this whole thing offensive and embarrassing. In a harsh retaliation tactic, you will go to all dealerships solo. You just moved 2183 miles away from home all by yourself, we don’t need no man help car buying. What buls**t.
I take that back – you do need help, you ain’t no hero. You don’t need a man necessarily, but someone who knows something about cars. You wouldn’t get a haircut without consulting a few friends, so why do you think you’re better than everyone else when it comes to cars? Take a woman, a man, a friend or a family member. Take the god damn talk show host if need be, but take someone with you or… you will end up driving around town in a supped up, low riding, sports vehicle.
3rd Rule: SEE THE WARNING SIGNS
Even though your father told you to buy something reliable, this used Honda Civic is not the one for you. Here’s why: I’m pretty sure the car salesman is essentially telling you not to buy this car. He keeps saying, “This is very sporty, too sporty for you, no?” And instead of taking this as a sign to NOT buy the car…you are essentially going to start throwing your money at him in an attempt to prove your sportsmanship? STOP.
Put your money back in your pocket. Go find yourself a bicycle and come back when you’re ready to act like a grown up.
4th Rule: LISTEN TO ME
Haas, this is the deal. If you don’t take some serious time with this car purchasing, here’s what you’ll end up with: a low riding, supped up, two door Honda Civic and a lot of money gone, poof!, out of your bank account. This new car will have fancy rims and over-sized tires. You’ll find yourself in car races, when you’re just trying to get to the manicurist. 16-year-old boys will high-five you on the reg… or at least that’s what you think they are doing with their overdrawn gazes at your tires. You’ll be pulled over by police far more often than you should be. And you will feel every single bump in the road. Literally.
There’s nothing wrong with this style of car, but maybe hold out so that you can buy your dream car. See below.
Buy a bike, enjoy being the new girl in town and accept those free rides for as long as they last.
Love,
Your Future Self
P.S. Buy your tickets to the LETTERS TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF show in Los Angeles on November 26th, 10pm.
Tweet us advice to your younger self (@ihaas) and we’ll read them LIVE at the show!
P.P.S. If there are any readers out there with my dream car and an appetite for low-riders, please make contact for a SERIOUS exchange of cars.
Sadly, I had to move to DC after living in LA for 8 years. I was recently very ill and had to be with my family. It’s KILLING me not to be able to come to these shows! Paul is a dear friend of mine from college and I didn’t know it was a double show and I was so pleased with yours! The next time I make it to LA, I’ll make sure that I come during a hellogiggles show (if you guys are still doing them!) but only if you’re in it!
Please excuse the lack of coherence in the previous reply;)
YES, YES and YES! That’s me and thank you so much. Are you planning on coming to our show on the 26th?
Ingrid – did you happen to do a show at UCB right before The Paul Downs Syndrome? Because if so, I saw it and LOVED it, especially the parts about JDate (been there) and Israeli men (also been there).