1. Move to Studio City. He lives there, and everything (especially rent) is cheaper once you get over the hill — perfect for broke girls.
2. Go Moroccan. You may not be able to afford to eat at Ryan’s Beverly Hills restaurant Tagine, but you can audition to be the belly-dancing dinner entertainment, no? Make money while you stalk! If that doesn’t work, find “Crazy Robertson” and see if you can take up dancing with him in front of the restaurant — Ryan will notice you eventually, even if it’s just to give you $1.
3. Take a hike. Bring a recently-adopted, impossible-to-resist puppy to Griffith Park or Runyon Canyon and do the leash tangle with Ryan’s dog George. If Eva’s with him, “accidentally” push her off the mountain. (We kid!)
4. Get enchanted. Ryan really likes to spend time at places like Disneyland and The Magic Castle. You can’t afford to do that, but you can afford to do some of these other whimsical things. There’s no guarantee he’ll ever show up at any of these places, but at least it will give you something to talk about while pretending to untangle those leashes at Runyon.
5. Jazz it up. We get it: Django Reinhardt probably isn’t playing on your iPod and you might very well think “Bitches Brew” is some drink they serve on Sunset. But if you’re serious about getting with Gosling, it’s in your best interest to start appreciating jazz. You could learn to play jazz guitar for relatively little expense. Or, you could just frequent jazz nights around town — the newest being Wednesdays at Maison 140 in Beverly Hills.
Now, go forth and occupy Ryan Gosling’s date book. Good luck!