ENTRTNMNT Britney Spears Knows A Thing or 12 About Love Steven Folkins

When it comes to authorities on love, we naturally think of Britney Spears. Britney may not write many of her songs, but they have taught countless humans and animals about love. Let’s take a brief, but important journey through some of BritBrit’s Classics.

1. In ‘Criminal’, we get to know what it’s like to be in love with, well, a criminal, and how it affects her relationship with her mother.

“But mama I’m in love with a criminal and this type of love isn’t rational, it’s physical.”

So basically, we’re told that this is all about getting it on, and that there’s not a lot of thought put into this relationship. She wants to comfort her mother who is obviously distraught about her daughter’s choices.

“Mama please don’t cry. I will be alright.”

This probably does little to appease her. Oh, wait. The chorus isn’t over just yet! It’s not just physical?

“All reasons inside, I just can’t deny, love the guy.”

I guess she does love this criminal after all, hopefully her mother will come around.

Britney’s Love Lesson: A relationship is like a song. The beginning is physical and just as you get into it, you fall in love.

2. Britney gets a little risque when she sings about a different kind of love in ‘If U Seek Amy’.

“Love me, hate me. Say what you want about me, but all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy.”

She suffers a pain I assume most celebs suffer: the knowledge that everyone wants to have sex with you all the time.

Britney’s Love Lesson: This kind of love is one only a celebrity needs to endure.

3. Here we find Britney telling the story of an imaginary celebrity named ‘Lucky’, but we all also imagine that imaginary celebrity is Britney herself, right?

“She’s so lucky. She’s a star, but she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking if there’s nothing missing in my life then why do these tears come at night?”

Lucky/Britney longs for someone to love her. She has everything she could want because of her celebrity, but it’s just not enough. We feel for Lucky/Britney crying in her bed, indecent proposaling herself, to hide her feelings of a lonely and loveless life.

Britney’s Love Lesson: Having everything money can buy is no substitute for love.


4. I think this may be one of my fave Britney songs. She’s so innocent here and so clumsy! She plays with people’s hearts by accident on, what I gather to be, multiple occasions.

“Oops!…I did it again. I played with your heart, got lost in the game.”

Apparently she thinks playing with someone’s heart is a game. Wait, what’s that Britney?

“Oops!…You think I’m in love, that I’m sent from above. I’m not that innocent.”

So you are not so innocent in this playing with my heart! I thought you were an angel, but you’re not. You did this accidentally on purpose.

Britney’s Love Lesson: Don’t trust your heart with a clumsy angel.

5. You better keep your epi-pen within arm’s reach when dealing with this Britney standout. Sometimes love can be dangerous. Sometimes you misread labels, or in this case, people and crazy things can happen.

“Baby, can’t you see I’m calling. A guy like you should wear a warning.”

See! Even Britney agrees!

“It’s dangerous. I’m fallin’. There’s no escape. I can’t wait, I need a hit. Baby, give me it. You’re dangerous. I’m lovin’ it.”

She recognizes this kind of love is dangerous, toxic even, but she’s lovin’ it.  We should probably just trust her on this one, or perhaps just take some Benedryl before going out clubbing next time.

Britney’s Love Lesson: Love can be dangerous.

6. You know that feeling you get when you’re crazy in love with someone that they are all you can think of, all the time? ‘Crazy’ gets right into that feeling. Maybe it’s new love, or maybe this is a song about a stalker who just really loves Britney.

“Every time you look at me my heart is jumpin, it’s easy to see you drive me crazy. I just cant sleep. I’m so excited. I’m in too deep. Ohh…crazy, but it feels alright. Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night.”

Let’s just pretend this is about new love.

Britney’s Love Lesson: Sometimes love can drive you crazy.

7. Britney tells us that some people are born to make other people happy in her aptly titled song, ‘Born To Make U Happy’. Some people are destined for each other. Does Britney believe in soul mates? Do we really think she and Justin Timberlake were meant to be? Or Britney and Kevin Federline?

“I don’t know how to live without your love. I was born to make you happy cuz your the only one within my heart. I was born to make you happy. Always and forever, you and me that’s the way our life should be.”

This one is kind of sad if you think about the fact that maybe her love is no longer with her.

Britney’s Love Lesson: Some people are born for each other, born to make each other happy.

8. This Britney song has nothing to do with that 1990 Sean Penn movie as far as I can see. ‘(Love is) A State of Grace’ is more about that feeling you get into when you are in love.  Do you think Sean Penn and Madonna were ever in a state of grace when they were together?

“Love is a state of grace, transcending time and space. No other way I can describe insanely beautiful, it’s almost mystical cause you’re mine and I can’t believe that I feel what I feel. Such a strange kind of ‘real’. Love is a state of grace between you and I.”

Does Britney get religious in this one?

Britney’s Love Lesson: Love can be a religious experience.

9. This is a simple one.  Sometimes ‘Love is War’ and you have to fight for what you want.

“Love is war. What are we in it for? Why do we play the game? Why are we keeping score? You and I, you know that we’re born to fight. There’s so many times before, know I should be sure, love is war.”

In any relationship there are ups and downs, and in any pop song, we tend to lean to the dramatic. Is love really war? You remember that movie, War of the Roses, with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner and their love deteriorated so much that they had an all out battle in their house (I love that movie), maybe that’s what Britney is singing out in this song?

Britney’s Love Lesson: Love is war sometimes.

10. This was one of Britney’s unreleased songs that I really had no idea what she was singing about.  This unfortunately or fortunately (however you look at it) not a cover of the Donna Summer song. ‘Love 2 Love U’ as a statement is a simple one, as a song? Just check this out and you tell me what she means.

“Go (go), watch me get down and go (go). When I come around just let me go. I love to love ya. Go (go), watch me go down and go (go). When I come around just let me go. I love to love ya.”

Where the hell is she going?

Britney’s Love Lesson: Love makes you need to go.

11. Britney gets all high tech on on our hearts. ‘Email my heart’ tells the story of love through email. It’s a story as old as time – well at least from the beginning of email.

“E-mail my heart and say our love will never die and that I know you’re out there and I know that you still care. Email me back and say our love will stay alive. Forever, Email my heart.”

I’d be kinda scared if I got this email from someone I was dating. Like, red flags all over the place.

Britney’s Love Lesson: Don’t send emails like this to someone you love.

12. The Shania Twain/Robert Lange penned ‘Don’t Let Me Be the Last to Know’ talks about Britney (or a woman) wanting to hear her boyfriend say that he needs her all the way and that he loves her. Do you think Shania knew at the time that she and her husband were not meant to be? Were they the last one’s to know this? Were they predicting the future with their songs?

“Don’t, don’t let me be the last to know. Don’t hold back, just let it go. I need to hear you say, you need me all the way. Oh, if you love me so don’t let me be the last to know. Your body language says so much. Yeah, I feel it in the way you touch, but til’ you say the words it’s not enough. C’mon and tell me you’re in love, please.”

That last line kills me. “Please”? Whatever, this is still a great choice for karaoke.

Britney’s Love Lesson: If you love someone don’t make them beg you to say those three important words.

(Image via Eyes On Stars)

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  1. You did ‘a’ adequate research. Especially considering it’s not as if the tone of such written pieces are meant to mirror that of serious journalism. Hel-loooo Giggles…

  2. Great article but #9 is not Britney nor I believe that song was ever meant to be for her. Need to do a better research next time

  3. I haven’t ever been too much into Britney but this article is awesome!

  4. This article is so epically funny.

  5. to post a comment

  6. Awww Britters is just fab! :)

  7. hahaha~