Breaking My Straight Girls Habit

It’s a tale as old as time. Lesbians like straight girls. In fact, I recently overheard a hush-hush story about The Garden of Eden. Someone said that it was originally Adam, Eve and some chick named Susan.  But Adam started to get annoyed because he thought that Eve was flirting with Susan. And even though he was pretty confident that both Eve and Susan were straight (neither went to Lilith Fair or Home Depot) and that Eve was probably just flirting with Susan for the challenge of it, Adam still made arrangements for Susan to be kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Now that I think about it, this might’ve been a hush-hush story I overheard about that nightclub, The Garden of Eden,  that used to be on Hollywood and La Brea. Either way,  you get it.

Here’s the thing… any lesbian will tell you that it is the most hack thing in the (lesbian) world to be attracted to straight girls. The only thing even more hack than being attracted to straight girls?  Dating them. And the most hack? Sleeping with them. And yet, here I am, still into straight girls. Is it strictly for the challenge of it? No. I don’t live on a game show.  I just work on one (watch Oh Sit! on the CW!). But I’m sure the “off limits-ness” of it all still plays some small role. It certainly allows me to make up words like “off limits-ness.” And by the way, it’s not that I’m not attracted to lesbians. I am. I just seem to be attracted to straight girls on a more regular basis.

So, why? Who knows. I’m not a lesbian rocket scientist. Side note: If any lesbian rocket scientists read this column, please call me. For so, so many reasons. Here’s the thing, I’m sure dealing with straight girls puts me in a situation where I’ll more than likely not end up in a serious relationship with them. Therefore, maybe I’m avoiding relationships and this is one of the (immature) ways that I’m doing it. Although, I will say that the front of my brain is telling me that it doesn’t think that I want to avoid relationships. If I was hanging out with a lesbian rocket scientist right now, I’d likely know the actual name for the front of my brain and the reason for my ongoing attraction to straight girls. So really, we’d all win.  But since I’m not, I’ll have to deconstruct this thing on my own. Hey, maybe the back of my brain knows something I don’t. Do we even have brain backs? Look, the point is, I’m obviously very very smart when it comes to science.

I’m curious… Are there a lot of lesbians out there who haven’t gotten past the straight girl thing? Is this a radio show? Do we have LIVE callers I can go to? I wish I knew how the internet worked. I write these columns from a Ham Radio in my parent’s basement. But really, I want to know what you guys think. And this question is posed to everybody. Lesbians, non-lesbians, boys, pets who can type, pets who can’t type but have pet friends or non-pet friends who can type for them, etc.

Here’s a Xtranormal video that I wrote. It’s called So, What Are You Doing After? Watch it, won’t you? It depicts the typical lesbian hitting on a straight girl while hiking in Hollywood scenario. Well, sort of. 😉

Different topic, but same wheelhouse (and that wheelhouse is girls, my friends) – my friend Nicol Paone discussed her own situation a few weeks back in From Straight Girl To Bisexual: How I Fell For My Best Friend And Her Boobs. Check it out.

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