Breaking My Straight Girls HabitJill Kushner

It’s a tale as old as time. Lesbians like straight girls. In fact, I recently overheard a hush-hush story about The Garden of Eden. Someone said that it was originally Adam, Eve and some chick named Susan.  But Adam started to get annoyed because he thought that Eve was flirting with Susan. And even though he was pretty confident that both Eve and Susan were straight (neither went to Lilith Fair or Home Depot) and that Eve was probably just flirting with Susan for the challenge of it, Adam still made arrangements for Susan to be kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Now that I think about it, this might’ve been a hush-hush story I overheard about that nightclub, The Garden of Eden,  that used to be on Hollywood and La Brea. Either way,  you get it.

Here’s the thing… any lesbian will tell you that it is the most hack thing in the (lesbian) world to be attracted to straight girls. The only thing even more hack than being attracted to straight girls?  Dating them. And the most hack? Sleeping with them. And yet, here I am, still into straight girls. Is it strictly for the challenge of it? No. I don’t live on a game show.  I just work on one (watch Oh Sit! on the CW!). But I’m sure the “off limits-ness” of it all still plays some small role. It certainly allows me to make up words like “off limits-ness.” And by the way, it’s not that I’m not attracted to lesbians. I am. I just seem to be attracted to straight girls on a more regular basis.

So, why? Who knows. I’m not a lesbian rocket scientist. Side note: If any lesbian rocket scientists read this column, please call me. For so, so many reasons. Here’s the thing, I’m sure dealing with straight girls puts me in a situation where I’ll more than likely not end up in a serious relationship with them. Therefore, maybe I’m avoiding relationships and this is one of the (immature) ways that I’m doing it. Although, I will say that the front of my brain is telling me that it doesn’t think that I want to avoid relationships. If I was hanging out with a lesbian rocket scientist right now, I’d likely know the actual name for the front of my brain and the reason for my ongoing attraction to straight girls. So really, we’d all win.  But since I’m not, I’ll have to deconstruct this thing on my own. Hey, maybe the back of my brain knows something I don’t. Do we even have brain backs? Look, the point is, I’m obviously very very smart when it comes to science.

I’m curious… Are there a lot of lesbians out there who haven’t gotten past the straight girl thing? Is this a radio show? Do we have LIVE callers I can go to? I wish I knew how the internet worked. I write these columns from a Ham Radio in my parent’s basement. But really, I want to know what you guys think. And this question is posed to everybody. Lesbians, non-lesbians, boys, pets who can type, pets who can’t type but have pet friends or non-pet friends who can type for them, etc.

Here’s a Xtranormal video that I wrote. It’s called So, What Are You Doing After? Watch it, won’t you? It depicts the typical lesbian hitting on a straight girl while hiking in Hollywood scenario. Well, sort of. ;)

Different topic, but same wheelhouse (and that wheelhouse is girls, my friends) – my friend Nicol Paone discussed her own situation a few weeks back in From Straight Girl To Bisexual: How I Fell For My Best Friend And Her Boobs. Check it out.


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  1. I definitely went through a straight girl phase. Phase. They’re only fun for one night (sometimes not even that much fun).

    Then again I’m not afraid of long-term relationships so maybe that has something to do with it? I just like me some dykes.

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  3. Date me.

  4. I have the exact same problem! I’ve date only way lesbian and all the rest were bi and probably just straight. I am really picky with girls and are attracted to girly girls so that doesn’t help. And I am also in a smaller town and there just isn’t much to choose from. I am hoping once I move to a bigger city, my obsession with straight girls will shift or go away, but my hopes aren’t high on that. For me I don’t think it’s about a challenge, but just the kind of girls I am attracted to. Good luck!!!

    • You too, Kendra! :)

    • This: ” just the kind of girls I am attracted to” is how I feel as well. To use stereotypes, I am also attracted to the more femme/girly girl. I do not fit into the typical butch/femme dichotomy, so most people assume that I am straight and, even when I tell them I gay, people seem to have a difficult time believing me. I have live in major cities: (NYC, Boston, and mow L.A.) and, at least for me, the trend has not abated. Here’s hoping you have better luck than me!

  5. I am a straight girl who has been hit on by lesbians. It is flattering, and does make me feel good, in the same way being hit on my a good looking guy does, but it’s still unwanted attention (my boyfriend is usually with me when this happens). I say, if you do want a relationship, straight girls are not the ones to go for. I mean, I’m pretty straight, but under the right circumstances, I’m sure I could have a fling with a lesbian, though I don’t think it would turn into a relationship.

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  7. Lesbian rocket scientist over here…the front part of your brain is called the frontal lobe.

  8. As far as I’m concerned, the Lesbian Rocket Scientist community is really under-represented in the modern discourse. If Rachel Maddow were to be artificially inseminated by Neil DeGrasse Tyson…you’d have the ultimate talk show. I really like your blog, but have to rethink my following since it is written with a ham radio [and I own the only Chabad lobster market in Jaffa]. As an aside, avoiding relationships is (keep this on the DL) going to be a medal sport in Rio.

  9. Not to sound reductionist, but I think this sounds a lot like the age old question, “Why am I attracted to all the ‘wrong’ people?” As a straight guy, I’ve certainly had my share of streaks where I was attracted to girls who were bad news. Knowing that they were bad news from the start didn’t help either. Sometimes I think the unconscious or “back-brain” has a hard time getting news updates. Eventually, I grew out of it though. I stopped worrying about to whom I was attracted, and focused on building myself up. Trying to be the best me possible is just a great way to not try to get with the ‘wrong’ people. Also, I don’t think we should blame ourselves so much for going after these people. To a certain extent, it’s a two way street. There’s no need to beat yourself up about it. I try to be optimistic. I hope this helps, and you can be optimistic too!

    • Mauricio, did you read my therapists’ notes because i swear what you so eloquently stated is what she has been trying to get me to understand for the last 3 weeks!!! I am trying to be more of an optimist and less pessimistic. It taken me years to see that these “things” with the straight girls where all “two-way streets” and that my feelings were reciprocated as well, just not to the extent we would need to have an actual romantic relationship. Unfortunately, I have continued to be the lesbian tendency or fling of these straight girls.

    • You’re a smart one, Mauricio!

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  11. To answer your question, “Are there a lot of lesbians out there who haven’t gotten past the straight girl thing?” For me, my answer is NO. I still fall for my best friends, who are as straight as nails. I used to think it was for the challenge, since going to a small, all-women liberal artscollege in Boston showed me that turning straight girls gay was practically a daily occurrence and easy to do. While this is true in college, when you have alcohol, are surrounded by women all of the time, and can experiment with girls and who still claim to you that, “This doesn’t mean I am gay,” it gets hard out here for a lezzie who just keeps thinking: “This time I can do it. She will be the one I can get on my team.” You know what, I am out of the ball qame; I have struck out with 3 amazing women, all of whom where initially just friends, to really close friends, to friends who flirt, to friends who people assume are dating and back to close friends AGAIN. I have yet to discover WHY i keep doing this to myself. Rather, that is what I am paying my therapist for!

    • “A small all-women liberal arts college in Boston” is the beginning of all the best stories…

      • Ohhhh, yes Jill, I too agree that the absolute BEST stories always begin with that phrase! Hahaha! My lesbian best friend said that our college’s unofficial motto should be: Simmons Colllege- You come in straight, you leave crooked. It was very applicable. When I told my straight best friend that I was in love with another girl (who was straight) she was bewildered. When I told my lesbian best friend the same information, she proclaimed, “Well, it’s about effing time, Jen! It was I who was shocked instead, since she welcomed me to “the family” saying, “We have all been waiting for you.” Then she added, ” By the way, that girl you are crushing on, feels the same way you do. We can all tell.” Apparently, all my lesbian friends knew I was gay since I was freshman. While all of my straight friends were taken aback, the phenomena of switching teams back and forth was so pervasive at my school, that, to them, I was just another one who got turned. It only took 8 years (I also went to a Catholic all-girls high school) of exclusive women’s education for me to figure it out…