If you know me, you know at least two things about me; 1. I drink a lot of Earl Grey tea and 2. I’m probably the most stereotypical girl you know.
Don’t get me wrong, I can curse like a sailor and I can tell a good dirty joke (even Queen Elizabeth I did those things…probably.), but I awww at the sight of kittens wearing bonnets and I truly believe that pink goes with everything, so the only time I ever watch sports is because my boyfriend, Greg, is watching sports and he’s invited me to join him and his friends. I know a lot of girls aren’t like this at all. In fact, I know girls who are sporty and can name every player on their city’s basketball, baseball, or football teams, but I am totally not one of them.
For example, when Greg took me to his college alma mater’s first football game of the season a few weeks ago, I wore a skirt. And when he saw me, Greg went, “You’re wearing a skirt. To a football game.”
It never occurred to me that one wouldn’t wear a skirt to a football game.
Or a sports bar, where we usually watch the games.
Actually, when Greg takes me to watch a game, I don’t even really pay attention to the game because I’m far more interested in the human interactions going on around me. The way guys talk about sports is kind of like the way girls chatter about a shirtless Ryan Gosling.
They gush over the players they like. “That beard!” Greg’s friend, Jack, says about a baseball player on the bar’s TV screen whose name I can’t remember, “It’s like… Unfff!” He clenches his fists and the sound he makes is something between a girl lusting over a pair of Frye boots and a girl who just ate her third cupcake and feels bad about it.
People say boys don’t talk that much. I disagree, they do, but about super weird things. Girls share feelings. Guys kind of use a grunting language I’m not fluent in and then quote Will Ferrell. This is how they communicate, which is a completely foreign concept to someone like me who writes for a living.
A few years ago in a psych class, I learned that unlike girls, who talk to show affection for each other, guys only talk when they have something to say that they feel really needs to be said.
Words of affirmations such as, “You look so cute!” and “You are so pretty!” are common things you’ll hear from two girl friends hanging out for the evening.
“Stay classy, San Diego!” followed by a burp is something you might hear a dude tell his friend.
But in a weird way, they both mean the same thing. Between the lines, the girl is saying, “We’re friends and I love you!” I understand now that dudes say that stuff, too, but with first bumps and poop jokes and a text every now and again, asking a friend if they want to go watch the game. And maybe an Anchorman quote, but only if they’re besties.
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