Well, the Space Shuttle is now history. Which of course means that it will end up parked in some guy’s driveway, where he continuously promises to do something with it while his wife grows more and more fed up at the eye sore. “Phil, get that damn thing out of the driveway before the neighbors complain.”
The end of the Space Shuttle is historic, a pretty big deal, but it’s no Pegasus Airlines’ in-flight safety announcement. Pegasus is a low-cost Turkish Airline that decided they’d make up for any hesitancy people may feel when they hear “low-cost Turkish airline” by having an in-flight safety announcement done entirely by children. This will likely soon be all the rage, with American Airlines using Will and Jada’s kids for their in-flight safety announcement for flights going east to west, the Jolie-Pitt kids when flying west to east and I hear Delta will have a basket of sleeping puppies doing theirs. Which seems a questionable direction to go in. In terms of relaying safety guidelines. But yay for making potential emergencies adorable!
Adorable doesn’t always have to be little, though. The world’s largest dog, George, is a Great Dane that’s 4 feet tall, 252 pounds and 7 feet long. So I guess in centerfold speak, that’s: 4-252-7. George likes to sleep on his own queen-sized mattress, has been on Oprah and is afraid of Chihuahuas. Mr. July, as I’ve come to refer to him, lives in Tuscon, Arizon and lady dogs, I’ll leave it at this – it’s true what they say about the largest dog in the world. Cut to all of the lady dogs out there calling Pegasus Airlines: “Do you guys fly direct to Tuscon?”
Ah, love is in the air. Happily this includes New York, where gay couples are now allowed to get married legally. Way to go, New York! Let’s all follow their lead, shall we? Me personally – I’m not quite ready to get married. I think this comes from being single. But I just might be bad at math. Here’s something I do like to do though. When I drive by a church and see a bride, I shout to her: “What are you doing after?!” I’m capitalizing on the good luck that it is to see her. Now that’s good math.
I heard Kim Kardashian and her girlfriends crashed her fiance’s bachelor party while they were both in Vegas celebrating at two different clubs. Once I went to a similar bachelor/bachelorette party in Vegas that ended up lasting five days (which in Vegas Time is like five months) and the wedding never happened. So be careful, Kardashian people.
Some people are probably celebrating this little bit of news. After a two year study on “women’s relationship with beer”, Molson Coors has made a “bloat-resistant” beer for women called Animee. The lady beer (what I’ve decided to call it) comes in three varieties, all of which sound like tampons. Standard, Rose and Citrus. I can’t wait to not drink it. But am thrilled that it was created, so that I can make fun of it. Am I right, ladies (who are not holding a bottle of Animee Standard)?
Look, I’m not saying that I’m a classy lady or that I only like classy ladies. In fact, my friend is an OBGYN and she just told me about a 19-year-old mother of three who is a patient of hers and has a tramp stamp that reads: “Bite Me Bitchiz”. I don’t know this lady. But I know that she is my favorite lady. So, the lesson to learn here is – no judgement. Except maybe if you make Lady Beer, than you can be judged a tiny bit. Full disclosure, I’m probably just disappointed that they left out the other lady beer varieties: Slender, Super and Pad.
Getting to name anything, no matter what object you’re naming, has got to be a fun day at the office. On the other hand, I just read about a forklift that dropped $1 million dollars worth of wine. That has got to be a bad day at the office. Then there’s the day at the office that seems to have total potential but ends up being a let down. For example, the other night I saw Hugh Hefner tweet “After the movie, we’re ordering in a bite to eat.” All I could think was every delivery guy that goes to the mansion must always hope for “C’mon in.” But likely, he never gets the coveted invitation.
See you guys next week! Oh, and please tell me Eden Wood isn’t on Twitter?