Every girl has their go-to guy, AKA their best boy friend or brother from another mother. He is straight. He is cute. He is totally platonic. You cuddle up and watch movies. You dish over nice dinners. You simultaneously write blogs side-by-side at cafes (see picture above of current blog-in-progress, plus boy-in-question). But seriously, simply sidekicks. You text each other when something is funny. And call one another when something is sad. You refer to yourselves as soul mates. Still, however it may look: homies. Although at some point – and don’t try to deny it – one of you will get that twinkle in your eye, that butterfly in your tummy, that will challenge your feelings and rock you to your compadre core – at which point begs the age old question: Can men and women be best friends? In my opinion: Yes, sort of.
I think that all of the above is attainable, perhaps just not sustainable. Eventually, one of you – or hopefully both of you – will find yourselves with a more-significant other and in my experience, this puts a natural distance between besties. Someone will feel replaced and really, they are. You can no longer lounge in bed together post-slumber party and giggle under the sheets – no matter how innocent it may be, it’s just not okay anymore. I experienced this with a former BBFF (boy BFF) and it felt like a great loss. I had more-than-friend feelings for him for five plus years and I never said a peep because I was waiting for the right time. He’s getting married this summer – but don’t worry about me, I am completely post-mourning.
When this happens, you go through various stages of being happy for him, sad for you, questioning why it wasn’t you and then wondering what if you had said something five years ago? Two years ago? Six months ago? My former BBFF and I rarely speak but remain close. It feels like we broke-up even though we didn’t really – or did we? If anything, that experience taught me to be honest and outright with my feelings as I am having them, not to wait for the so-called perfect time. This life is not The Little Mermaid, Central Park doesn’t boast a blue lagoon and besides, I don’t know any singing crabs (personally). It was that epiphany which inspired this blog yesterday and it happened while having a heart to heart with my current BBFF. “What are you afraid of? That I will meet someone else and forget about you?” he asked. I broke down in tears and nodded my head. The thing is, I want my current BBFF to love and be loved and while I pray for the best of the best for him even when it comes to finding the love of his life, I dread this day because I know it will be the end of our two straws and one milkshake sharing days. That, and sometimes I want to be the love of his life and him mine. Which begs another question: is this impending emo end of an era still worth having him as my best friend, even if there is a possible future parting? Yes, definitely.
But what about those darn feelings? What do you do with them? Where do those butterflies come from and is there some kind of digestible pesticide available over the counter? The ‘why aren’t we together’ talk also came up with my BBFF and in the spirit of my self-promise never to stow my feelings again, I bravely had to admit to him and myself that I sometimes have these feelings but would be happy either way: whether we remain besties forevs or taking things a step beyond – and I meant it. I know how lucky I am to have him as a soul mate and we do love each other… but I also know that we would be extra lucky to be soul mates and in-love with each other.
Isn’t it crazy how only a few word changes can give a whole new meaning to a sentence? I’ve lost a friend to this scenario before and I didn’t want it to happen again – and I’d rather have what we do than not have anything at all, but these feelings needed to be addressed and made aware because ‘why not’ is the new ‘what if’. It was a risky conversation because often that type of talk will add an awkward element to your friendship and you risk your story turning into When Harry Left Sally. But the bottom line is, if you start to have feelings for your BBFF – address them. Be honest, be vulnerable and be prepared for things to fall on either side of the fence. Life is too precious and too short. Plus – dramatically stopping a wedding in progress only works out in the movies.