I’ve spent the last two years of my life dodging dates as though the mere act of dating may cause a terminal illness. My excuses were limitless. “I don’t have time.” “I’m not ready.” “He wears jean shorts.” Okay, that last one truly is a deal breaker and a legitimate excuse to turn someone down; the point is, I’d do and say anything to get out of a date. I know what you’re thinking: “Who hurt you?”
The truth is, I love love so much. So much, that in the absurdity of my early 20s, I freely lent my heart to an unworthy male who used it as a yo-yo, sending my emotions into a frenzy and jerking them around. When my heart was returned to me, I held on tightly to all the pieces. Putting those pieces back together took time, self-improvement and work. In the time it took for the new me to get back to the old me, I got really super cocky. Not like in a way where I think I’m better than everyone; more in the way that I’m like, too good for every guy. You follow? Okay. So, you can imagine how hesitant I’ve been to give my “TOO GOOD FOR YOU” heart away again. So I decided not to take that risk. Until I met Ari.
About a month ago, I met Ari; a brilliant, handsome, funny and kind person. Oh, and sexy, dead sexy. So sexy. And did I mention sexy? We exchanged phone numbers. I will never forget the first time he called me; I texted him and seconds later, my phone was ringing. I looked at it. And looked some more. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. My brain was saying, “Okay, answer it you idiot!” But my heart was saying, “DON’T YOU DARE!” So, I didn’t. I missed the call. Feeling like a fool, I quickly dialed him back and sure enough, he accused me of dodging his call. So, I did what any morally correct girl would do. I lied. I told him that my ringer was off. (Ari, if you’re reading, I’m sorry, I guess this means our whole relationship is based on a lie. Forgive?)
Our first phone conversation began around 11:30 at night and didn’t end until after 4:30 in the morning. We discussed everything. A lot was revealed; I was emotionally slutty. The week carried on this way. Communicating through texts during the workday and long phone conversations in the evenings and night. I can’t recall the last guy I was willing to pass up my beauty sleep for (all that beauty sleep contributed to my arrogance, thank you very much!) but Ari was different. He intrigued me to a degree that no other person has been able to. He made me laugh, made me think and challenged me intellectually. We were on the same page with so many topics. It took about two days before I admitted to myself that Ari may just be my soul mate and about 5 days before I admitted it to him. Emotionally slutty; I told you.
Ari asked me to go for ice cream. Pause. I LOVE ICE CREAM LIKE IT’S MY MOTHER! I have this theory about ice cream though. If you go for ice cream on a first date, you’re getting married to each other. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Please feel free to contact me for further details and factual analysis. I have yet to have an ice cream first date though, mostly because the thought of marrying anyone I’ve been out with sends chills down my spine, stopping at my heart and murdering me. Moving forward.
Due to my fear of possibly loving someone other than my dog and myself, I passed on ice cream for now and invited Ari over to “hang out”. See, I’m smart, the option of first date ice cream still exists in case I grow a pair, ya know? Besides, all I really wanted was to spend some time together talking, laughing and making out. No, I’m serious. Somewhere in between, Ari said, “This night couldn’t have gone any better” and my heart melted. He took my hand, held it for a minute and lifted it to his lips to kiss it. SO ROMANTICAL! My heart did cartwheels and fireworks went off in the pit of my soul. I wanted him to stay forever.
That night was the best time I’ve spent with the male species in a very long time. But what does it all mean? Does it mean I’ve gone from loving love to welcoming the possibility of loving a person? Does it mean that he’s really my soulmate? Maybe. Maybe not. Only time will tell. For now, I’m living in the moment and enjoying what I have. I spent years avoiding and fearing the vulnerability of loving another because lets face it, there aren’t that many great picks out there, and okay, fine, I’m scared, whatever. But in these years of reining over my imaginary “Ew, he’s a loser” throne, I feel like I’ve finally met someone at eye level, if not above.
Stay tuned for further developments! I mean, as long as he doesn’t randomly start ignoring me or join the space program. In that case, stay tuned for my “Lessons in Voo Doo” Post.