At some point last year, I became obsessed with the concept of adulthood, mostly because I have no idea how to be an adult. I don’t mean this in a cutesy adorable way. I mean it in this way where I am actually embarrassed about my inability to function on a day-to-day basis or relate to any of my coworkers despite being roughly the same age. You know those stock photos of children doing things like typing on a computer or sitting in the driver’s seat? That’s how I feel every day. Like a child who is playing dress-up while banging on a keyboard and screaming, “PLEASE ACCEPT ME AS ONE OF YOU” to every grown-up I pass.
A few months ago, I ended up at a wine tasting where everyone there were, well, real people. They had jobs and business cards and said things like “I’m going to go network for a bit” whereas I was an unemployed twenty-two year old who pre-gamed for a free wine tasting. I drank the wine they gave me, and then the wine they didn’t give me, and then I was telling all of these strangers that I was a “professional adult” for a living. They were not impressed. They walked away. But I left with two bottles of Chardonnay.
So somehow I became fascinated with what my mind decides is adult behavior. This past winter, I finally bought a winter coat and wore it when it snowed instead of constantly shivering and I thought, “Yeah! This is what adults do! When it’s cold, they wear coats specifically made for cold weather! Everyone passing by right now knows that I am a grown-up because I have a weather-appropriate coat and I bet they also know that I took vitamins this morning and that there is not a single beer in my purse. They are going to invite me over to a dinner party because they are interested in my thoughts on the financial crisis.” I’ve still never been to a dinner party, but I do take vitamins every once in a while.
And I made list of when I will eventually start feeling like a real adult person:
- When I start buying drinks at bars instead of sneaking in water bottles full of wine and stealthily drinking them in a corner booth.
- When I stop keeping a room full of my possessions in my parents’ house, despite moving out years ago.
- When I pay my phone bill on time at least two months in a row.
- When I stop auditioning for The Real World.
- When I can take a taxi home without feeling so guilty about spending money that I can’t get out of bed the next morning.
- When I stop becoming emotionally invested in episodes of Degrassi or at least stop writing so much about it. (This will never happen)
- When I learn how to shave my legs without clumsily slicing myself up or at least remember to shave both of them before leaving the shower.
- When I decide what I want to do as a career or at least buy a desk for my bedroom so I can sit up straight while job hunting.
- When I start paying for television and movies instead of relying on torrents for everything.
- When I stop obsessing and blogging about what it means to be an adult.
Featured Image via DeviantArt
This resonates so hard with my concerns. Espesh re: pregaming the wine tasting and the winter coat. When people talk about Adulthood, I’m like, “Oh yeah, I need to get some of that. Lemme do a list about it on Listography…”
I’m pushing 40, married for nearly 13 years, father to a 5-year-old, and I still feel like I’m kind of “faking it.” I really don’t think my internal thought processes are that different now than they were at 15.
There’s a great Calvin & Hobbes comic strip where the dad says to the mom, “I’d never have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I’d known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.” Yep.
#6 = me. I can’t move on from Degrassi and I’m almost 26. LoL. Also, #1 is fiscally responsible. Drinks are expensive at bars!
well thank goodness I don’t feel alone now.
I’m 26 with a 2 year old son and I still don’t feel like an adult. This is what I’ve come up with on the matter: no matter how much of an adult you are, how responsible, capable and intelligent you are, you can always depend on your family to treat you like your 16 until your dying day and so because of this I say it’s not entirely your fault you feel this way (and if you want to go to a dinner party organize one yourself
wishing us all happy maturing!
Hahaa so true… at least us non-adults are not alone?
This really, really spoke to me. Especially about the phone bill and Real World auditions.
The first time I made an appointment for myself to go the dentist and then went by myself – even though I knew I’d be getting a filling and I hate them – THAT right there was a grown-up thing to do.
I laughed sooo hard while reading this, this is exactly how I feel right now. It’s nice to know other people feel the same way haha
What’s really hard is knowing that you’re not a “real adult” while pretending to be a “real adult” while talking to your students’ parents who actually ARE “real adults” while trying to prove to them that you are “adult-enough” to be teaching their children…. It also doesn’t help that I have to wear the same uniform that my 5 year old students have to wear… As well as the fact that even though I’m 25, I look younger than the 22 year old teacher that I share my students with…
When I got me a house, I made a little poster that expressed what I thought it meant to be an adult: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150129801527809&set=o.210525118963109&type=1&theater
Maybe you’re finally an adult when you realize everyone else secretly feels as awkward and out-of-place as you (secretly) do.
I still use the phrase “when I grow up…” I’m 28 years old…when is that going to be? I don’t know what it is to be my age or an adult and I know that most of the things I have interest in are for people about 10 years younger than me…ugh!
This really was such a great post! I’m 24 and no longer have my 8-5, sold my Volvo, and started my FIRST ever semester of college. I now feel even less of an adult. *Sigh*
hahaha this describes my life so much. Especially the coat part. Dunno when that’s ever gonna happen…
Veet! It’s amazing and there is no leg slicing involved and you can’t miss any spots. Just make sure you don’t have any open cuts on your legs or you will have a slight chemical burn. Other than that, I’m 29 and I still feel pre-adult. I wonder if it ever really goes away.
I became an adult at around 28 yrs old when a friend and I got tired of being sundress-and-flip-flop kinds of girls and threw a new year’s eve party that was black-tie, because we wanted to dress up like adults, right? As the champagne and caviar flowed, we felt like such imposters because we realized we had completely overlooked the music and dance part of the party, so focused were we on food, drink & wardrobe… luckily, someone broke out their boombox (and now I have dated myself!) To be young at heart is the most important thing, however you incorporate the adult part! And I still wear flip flops year-round.
I LOVE DEGRASSI!!!!
This deserves a slow clap and then some. Awesome post!
I have left millions of showers half ‘wooky’.
And torrents are possibly my greatest guilty pleasure. I always feel SO bad about it.