Bachelorette Recap Party-Episode 7: Hey, Thanks for the Free Water Heater Advice

I’ve never hauled myself home faster from work than I did last night to get to watch The Bachelorette. I mean, I’m embarrassed, but I’m not. I don’t have TiVo or DVR or whatever you crazy TV kids use to record stuff.

This episode took us all to Taiwan and thanks to ABC, I feel like I’ve made this whole Asian journey of love with Ashley, you know? Like every market, temple, and boat/train ride- I’m there. Taiwan was no exception.

Constantine kicks off the episode by getting the first one-on-one. Ashley and her emperor hop on your typical steam engine train to a small village outside of Taipei called Pingshi. You guys, it’s an adorable little village and obviously it’s hosting the most romantic lantern festival in the world when Ashley is in town. Good work to whatever production assistant researched that.

Ashley and Constantine paint love wishes on the sides of a red paper lantern upon their arrival to the village. I wouldn’t say their lantern turned out that well, but Ash loved it so whatever, it’s her date. She was really into how serious Constantine was about the lanterns and the love wishes, which made her think something must really “be there” between them. Later on the date, Ashley and Constantine go out to dinner and release their lantern of love into the sky. While I may be sarcastic, even my heart warmed a bit at this portion of the episode. Just briefly.

Overall, Constantine is a solid guy. While I don’t think he really caught my eye at first, he’s very laid back, slow to fall in love, and seems to have a lot of great family values that Ash might be looking for. He asks Ash if she can handle a big loud family. I’m not sure why he needed to ask that. Of course she can. While Ashley might be one of the most annoyingly energetic individuals, that will be an asset to her when she meets the families.

Ben gets the second one-one-one. Okay, like joke’s on me that the twins are still on the show. I guess it shows Ash has a bit of a thing for shaggy hair, even though I think she’ll end up with someone who has none – JP.

Ben and Ashley ride a little motor scooter thing around and have a romantic dinner. I would like to say I really liked Ben’s reference to Dumb and Dumber when they got on the moto. Whether Ashley picked up on it is a different story. Overall, they have a nice time. Ben tells her he likes her and pretty boldly declares that he wants her to meet his family on a “home town” (the most used phrase of the episode). Let’s be real, who wouldn’t want to meet his family in Sonoma?

The next morning, we see JP get pretty upset when he realizes Ben hasn’t returned from his date. I like JP’s sexy aggression. He had nothing to worry about though because Ash and Ben stayed in separate rooms.

Group date is up next with Ames, Lucas, and JP. What do they do? They take mock wedding photos. Yeah, didn’t realize that was a thing. The guys all have a different theme. Lucas is very traditional. Ames is looking very Elton John. JP gets an incredible tux that does him mad justice.

The date is kind of lame. None of the guys are excited about it and I don’t blame them. It’s weird. I would never ask three guys to do that. They aren’t going to find that fun. Secondly, it upsets them. They all really care about Ashley, especially JP, who finds it hard to see her posing in wedding wear with other dudes. Ultimately JP shares this with Ashley and gets a rose – meaning guaranteed home town for him.

Finally, it’s Ryan P’s first and only one-on-one of the show. Ash and Ryan go visit a temple and while Ashley’s backless shirt is entirely inappropriate- they seem to have a good time. They do this stone drop test to see if they are meant to be- they are not. Ryan is bummed.

I will say, while Ryan is annoyingly positive, he is a sweet and successful guy. However, Ash just can’t find the physical connections. And that’s fine. I can personally see from watching their dates that it’s like being out to dinner with a really nice grandpa. Needless to say, Ashley sends Ryan home. He’s hurt – like looks real sad. At one point he even walks off camera into a few trees and drops some f-bombs until he cools off. Fair Ryan, fair. We’ll miss you. Thanks for all the lessons on water heaters. See ya Sunshine.

The Bachelorette: Asia Adventure, ends with a rose ceremony. Ashley naturally wears another Caché gown. Lucas is sent home. That leaves Ben, Constantine, Ames, and JP for the hometown dates. It’s going to be good. Always one of the best bits of a Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise season.

I think that’s it. Oh, yeah, Emily. Blah.

I don’t have much to say. Her appearance was a ratings driver and a great example of why she could have never been The Bachelorette. She may be a pretty face. She may love Lil Ricky to bits and do a great job being her mom. However, Em is just not much of a talker. She pretty much circles around the same few phrases the entire conversation with Chris Harrison regarding her break-up with Brad Womack. “He’s a real gentleman. We had a dot dot dot too. I’ll always care for him. Nobody is more disappointed than I am.” That pretty much sums it up.

$waggin 4 Dayz,

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