1. Pursue your passion. Never again will the world be so open to training you. Like fashion? Maybe you can fetch coffee for someone at Teen Vogue. Want to write movies? Maybe an LA talent agency will let you read scripts. I know, I know, they aren’t going to pay you and that sucks. It might even make it impossible. But since it’s only until Labor Day, ask yourself if there’s any way you can make it happen. Perhaps you can waitress on the weekends. Maybe you can sleep on your cousin’s sofa and subsist on tofu dogs and hummus. During my quintessential summers, my passion was acting and I longed to be an apprentice at the Williamstown Theater Festival. I never applied because of the expense, but my friends who did remember it as one of the most important learning experiences of their lives – one of them even credits his acting career with it, and he has his own TV show.

2. Find a way to travel. Traveling gets harder once you have year round employment, but your quintessential summers provide boundless opportunities to see the world.  You can study abroad through a university program, earning credits as you satiate your wanderlust. I spent one summer in studying in Italy, making progress toward my bachelor’s degree while taste testing gelato and writing poetry in an olive grove. Habitat for Humanity or Volunteers for Peace allow you to do good while you explore.  If you don’t fancy a trip abroad, you can get a job in a national park or a summer resort town. I worked on the island of Nantucket as a maid. Sure, I had to change beds and clean toilets, but I also lived with two fun British girls, spent every afternoon at the beach, and dated a hot bicycle thief. Well, I actually didn’t date him (he was a thief!), but the British girls told me he thought I was “fit”, and that was enough to inspire a half a dozen poems.

3. Take a chance in love. While you should make sure your bicycle’s under lock and key, be less guarded with your heart. I’m not saying you should hook up with a criminal as my friends from across the pond encouraged me to do, but summer is the perfect time to shake things up in the love department. It’s only a few months, so why not see what happens if you try a new approach? Always go for the athletic type? See what that cute geek down the street is up to. Hipsters always been your thing? Unsnap your fanny pack and check out a prepster for once.. If you usually play hard to get, maybe this the summer you’ll enjoy the thrill of the chase. If you’re used to being the seeker, kick back in the sand, slap on some SPF, and let yourself be found. There’s something about the sun-soaked summer air that stirs up the most unexpected romances — if you let it.

Tell me what you plan to do or have done during your quintessential summer in the comments!  I’ll select a commenter at random to win an advance copy of my YA novel NANTUCKET BLUE, about a quintessential summer on Nantucket (hmmm, wonder where I got that idea).

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Here are 5 reasons to love Ms. Hathaway.

1. That pixie cut. C’mon, admit it. It’s so darn chic.
2. She’s not “one of the guys.” And frankly, what a relief! There’s a lot of pressure to be “boyish” in taste and attitude. Recently, I was outright shamed for preferring Downton Abbey and The Good Wife to the more “masculine” soap opera Game of Thrones. I chimed in that I liked The Wire, too, but it was too late.  My “girly” taste had discredited me with this crowd. But why should it? That’s just plain old-fashioned sexism. Now, it’s been said that Jennifer Lawrence (whom I also adore) is the kind of girl you want to get a beer with, and Anne Hathaway is the kind of girl who probably doesn’t drink beer. And I say, so what? Girls are not “less than” who have what are typically thought of as feminine tastes and qualities. Keep your brewskis, Borathians. I’ll be drinking pink champagne with the Dowager Countess in the drawing room. Anne, please join us. Can’t wait to see what you wear!
3. Anne speaks out on women’s issues. She’s the face of One Billion Rising, the global movement to end violence against women, has been candid about her personal struggles with body image, and spoke  about the perils of being a sex worker at the Oscars. As Gloria Steinem pointed out on Facebook, most people were too caught up speculating about her nipples or criticizing her likeability factor to register her message.
4. She’s a lot more like you and me than you think. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I’m not free of body image issues (see Lena Dunham) nor do I possess an almost holy level of confidence that lets me handle every situation with breezy grace and a sprinkle of saltiness (see the great Jennifer Lawrence), but I don’t think so. While I admire Dunham and Lawrence and think they are excellent role models, I wonder why we are so very quick to loosen the Twitter hounds on someone who displays a more human – and common – level of fragility, insecurity or guardedness. Maybe if we could be a little nicer to ourselves about our own flaws, we’d ease up on the Hath-a-Hate.
5. Anne’s a fabulous actress. This is her job, isn’t it? And she’s amazing at it. See Rachel Getting Married. See Love and Other Drugs. See Les Misérables. I’m going to go out on a crazy limb here and say see Bride Wars. She was real and vulnerable and funny. (And it was written by one of my all time comic favs, Casey Wilson!) And hey, have you heard Anne sing? Because she’s really good. Maybe it’s because I also have unusually large teeth and have been accused of “trying too hard” that I see the best in Anne, but no matter why I started liking her, it’s her acting talent – not her dress darts or acceptance speeches – that will keep me Hath-a-Loving and continue to cement her place as one of the best actresses of our time.

Featured image via OK Magazine

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From “Young and Awkward Adult Books” by Maggie Mull, seen at Gallery1988, Melrose Avenue, Los Angeles

But who could blame us? No gal wants to put harsh, possibly cancer causing chemicals directly on her delicate, freshly-shaven underarms, but nor does she want to be a smelly Samantha. So what’s a girl to do?

Thankfully, Malin & Goetz, the hip line of natural skin care embraced by so many in the know, makes a natural deodorant that actually works. One swipe provides an uplifting tingle and an invigorating whiff of eucalyptus and it keeps you odor-free all day. Since I’ve been using my Malin & Goetz, I actually look forward to putting on deodorant. I’m not kidding! I’ve also noticed that I haven’t had to toss as many t-shirts due to unsightly pits stains. It’s more expensive than your average deodorant, but when you take into account the extended life of your white t-shirts, well, it practically pays for itself.

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1. Lower your standards. When I’m totally stumped or too scared to begin, I think, “Write the worst, most clichéd, most embarrassing words ever to cross the screen of a MacBook Air.” I position my hands over the keyboard and, if I truly believe that crappy is cool for now, I’ll begin to peck away. Somewhere deep inside I’m trusting that with multiple revisions, I’ll replace the clichés with fresher words, hone in on what I’m trying to express, refine my structure and allow my voice to shine through. But when I’m lowering my standards, none of that is my concern. It can’t be. If I think “this better be good, lady,” or anything even close to that, the fingers hovering over the letters never touch down.
2. Hazard a guess. An actor whose claim to fame was a Dorito’s commercial gave me this advice. I was twenty-one and, sensing that he was one smart chip salesman, confessed that I didn’t know if my destiny was to be an actor or a writer. “I don’t know what I am!” I said, my voice spiking with panic. “Hazard a guess,” he said, and flashed his confident, commercial teeth. I felt a gust of freedom as it dawned on me that it was better to make a choice than remain frozen with fear and indecision. Now, when I’m writing a novel and I start to seize up, wondering does my main character go to New York or San Francisco? Does she go through that door or run in the other direction? I say,“Hazard a guess, Howland!” It keeps me from taking myself too seriously and reminds me that the greatest risk is not making a “wrong” choice, but not making a choice period.
3. Twenty-five minutes is all it takes. That’s right. You don’t need a whole day or even a whole hour to get in some good writing. You just need twenty-five minutes of focus. No phone. No email. No Twitter. No Facebook. Just you and your work for this very manageable, approachable time block. You can do just about anything for twenty-five minutes, right? I gleaned this wisdom from the Pomodoro Technique, a time management system. I set the timer on my microwave and go. After twenty-five minutes I take a five-minute break and then ideally go for another round or two or four. Sometimes I only manage one “pomodoro,” but the twenty-five minute rule eliminates excuses like “I don’t have enough time to get started,” or “I really need the whole morning to myself in order to think,” or “I can only write by the pool at the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs.” No, no. All you need is twenty-five minutes without updating your status and you’ll find yourself with a paragraph or two or at least a few solid sentences, and hey, that’s something. Conveniently, twenty-five minutes is about the same amount of time it takes to do a load of laundry or make these delicious roasted carrots.

What helps you write a first draft? Leave me a note in the comments!

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Here was the problem. Saying I was a writer before I’d been published or produced begged the follow-up question, “Have I seen your work anywhere?” I’d feel a stabbing pain in my side and reply, “Not unless you’ve been poking around my MacBook.” And yet telling people I was a waitress or temp didn’t feel accurate either. It was such a small part of my life, usually one I loathed. So when people asked, “What do you do?” I’d look at my shoes and stammer, “I’m a temp/waitress/nanny but imtryingtobeawriter.” Then I’d hold my breath and try not to cry. Needless to say, I’ve thought a lot about how to answer the dreaded question when the work you’re paid for isn’t your life’s work. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

1.  Forget about your practical job and just talk about your real work.

This takes chutzpah because of the above mentioned follow-up question, but there are many benefits to announcing your vocation loud and proud. First, your conversation partner might be in a similar situation and be happy to discuss her new jewelry design business with a fellow artist. Or he/she might have valuable insight, the perfect book you should read, or maybe even a great connection. He/she might gather courage from you, confessing that he/she has always wanted to make a short film but never had the guts to do it.

2.  Remember that all jobs deserve respect and present your bread-and-butter gig with poise.

Perhaps you feel bad about being a babysitter while your friends are going to law school. Perhaps you’ve internalized the unfortunate way people treat you as a waitress. Maybe personal assisting has got you down. I once worked for a lady who assigned tasks so meaningless to me (rearranging her spice rack, filing random articles from Sunset Magazine, measuring tablecloths for accuracy) that I felt like I was jogging around the outer circle of hell. In these circumstances, it’s important to remember that you’re providing a service and earning money for it. There’s dignity in that. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool and a charlatan. So, tell them your gig without hesitation. Look them in the eye and say, “I’m a server over at that new French place. Have you ever tried their quiche? It’s perfection.” Or, “I’m taking care of three boys and I’ve come to really appreciate Thomas the Tank Engine.” Or, “I’m a personal assistant. Last week I rode in a private jet!”

3.  Be vague, then divert.

It seems that when people ask, “What do you do?” they are asking a number of things. Like, How do you spend your time? What kind of education do you have? What’s your financial situation? “What do you do?” isn’t a rude question, but that’s because it’s so very vague. So answer vaguely then change the subject. Try, “I’m pursuing a few things. Now, tell me where you got this amazing haircut.” Or, “Good question. I might have to get back to you. Have you seen Homeland yet? I’m obsessed.”

4.  Tell them you are having a professional crisis and are desperate to make a change.

Okay, that’s not a realistic response. It’s too much for a near stranger to bear. But you can say it to yourself and start an internal conversation. For a while, I was in an endless cycle of crappy jobs. And then one day I couldn’t do it anymore. I would’ve rather eaten my weight in wet dog food than served another omelet or be passive aggressively corrected on my towel folding technique. I decided to go back to school, then I found a job teaching English to adults. It took a while, it was a lot of work, and I had to put my dreams on hold for a bit, but eventually this allowed me to support myself and do my art at the same time. When people asked me what I did, I had an answer that felt good. I was a teacher. And if I really liked them I also said I was writing a book.

If you find yourself driven to the brink by the question “What do you do?” maybe it’s time to switch things up. Find a new path. You don’t have to make a fortune at your art in order for it to be of infinite value. When you have a craft or a practice that gives your life meaning and feeds your soul, you’re already rich. Finding a way to do it long-term, in tandem with a job you like that also pays the bills, is just as worthy a goal as seeing your name in lights. Besides, if you can mitigate the pain and just do the work, you may find the dream you’ve been chasing is closer than you thought. And even if you don’t get to fly in a private jet, the satisfaction of realizing your vision, of doing what you were put on this earth to do, is guaranteed to send you soaring.

Image via Shutterstock

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1. Trust your instincts.  When Carrie listens to her gut, she’s usually right. When she doesn’t, she finds herself off-course, lost at sea. I think we’ve all had the experience of hearing a little voice inside us. The one that says I don’t like this doctor or something isn’t right about this lady or this place gives me the creeps. Sometimes you can’t point to anything specific, and the rest of the world might tell you that you’re crazy for thinking these things, but you just know. That voice is often on to something and we should listen to it.
2. It’s all right to cry. Much has been made of Carrie Mathison’s copious tears, but I admire the way she allows herself to fully experience life. I don’t endorse crying on the job. I think it’s best to excuse oneself to the ladies room. But I also don’t believe any good comes from stuffing anger, frustration and hurt into a tiny, dark corner of yourself because it’s easier and less embarrassing. Someone once told me that trying to keep feelings under the surface is like holding a beach ball underwater. It takes a lot of work and eventually they pop up. Let’s do like Carrie and allow ourselves to express our emotions, as messy, inconvenient and confusing as they may be.
3.  Find a good mentor. Oh, Saul. Wise, flawed, rabbinical Saul. His belief in Carrie, professional support, and willingness to see in her what others won’t has had a profound effect on her career. I’ve had teachers to whom I’ve laid my soul bare and who’ve responded with compassion and guidance. I’ve befriended professionals who are just a little older and wiser who’ve listened, advised, and generously connected me to others in my field. But I have never had a mentor. I imagine that a long-term champion who will invest in you professionally and personally, illuminate your options from a better vantage point, and help you discover your own right decisions would be awesome. Take a cue from Carrie and find a mentor. Perhaps it’s not too late for me, either.
4. Be vigilant about your mental health. Carrie suffers from severe bipolar disorder. When she doesn’t stay on top of it, her world spirals into chaos. Carrie’s illness is extreme, but there are subtler mental health issues that are just as pernicious. Depression is real and must be dealt with, even low-grade depression. Anxiety is real. It can tether you to your fears and keep you from flying. Low self-esteem is real and can turn you into a broken record of poor choices. The good news is that there is help out there. If you think you need it, find it. When Carrie reads her own signs, when she manages her mental illness, she is so much more powerful.
5. Never take pills with white wine. For Carrie, this is a harbinger of self-destruction and disaster. So is Carrie skipping her pills and heading straight for the pinot grigio. Playing with her brain chemistry makes Carrie feel alive and frisky for risky behavior, but this is where we can learn from Carrie’s mistakes. Instead of seeking thrills through mind-altering substances, tune into Homeland, where Carrie is living dangerously enough for all of us. After all, some adventures, like extremely ill-advised sexual encounters, hiding out with a terrorist for the weekend, or dashing around Beirut while armed men chase you through the marketplace, are best had vicariously, from the safety of your sofa and in the warm embrace of your sweetly snoring dog.

Featured image via Showtime

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1. Short guys can protect you as well as any tall man. I always wonder what girls are picturing when they say they need a big guy to feel protected, a West Side Story style knife fight breaking out on their way to the bar? In this modern world, you are much more likely to need protection in the form of a sharp mind, chutzpah and moral courage. A short man is just as equipped to give this to you as any tall man. If you’re so worried about getting mugged then maybe you should carry mace.
2. When a short man is confident and secure with himself, you know he’s earned it. Chances are he’s had to work harder than his tall brothers for his spot on the team, his date to the prom and even his first job. Growing up several inches smaller than the rest of the gang is a real challenge and a man who has met it with grace and dignity is likely to have some hard-won, old-fashioned self-esteem.
3. Short guys are are good dancers. I don’t know if it’s their low center of gravity, quick reflexes or the economy of their limbs, or but in my experience, shorter men can really bring it on the dance floor. If a short guy invites you to cut the rug, I suggest you accept. You just might find your heart pirouetting.
4. Short guys can make you feel feminine. A major issue for ladies unwilling to date the un-tall seems to be a fear of feeling large or lumbering next to their sensibly sized man. However, it’s not just height that makes a man masculine. Height has nothing to do with a guy knowing just the right moment to put an arm around a girl or the exact combination of words that will make her feel beautiful, or better yet, understood.

The last point gets to the heart of matter, which is that takes very few dates (like two) before the way someone makes you feel dictates the way you see him. The luster of a strong-jawed six-footer who’s mean or dull will fade pretty darn quickly when you find yourself the target of a snide remark or having to carry the conversation for more than twenty minutes. And a weak-chinned shorty can start to look smokin’ hot when he makes you laugh so hard your guts hurt. So before you set a height minimum, or any other superficial limitation, either online or in the checklist in your mind, remember that love can’t be ordered à la carte and that by restricting your options, you could be missing out on some pretty big fun.

Image via Shutterstock

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1. Ax the ex. No, you can’t be friends. At least not now. Nostalgia can’t spin you on the dance floor and pining isn’t pretty, no matter how glamorous Kristen Stewart makes it look. Perhaps there’s a small part of you that will never get over your ex. That’s okay. But make sure it’s really, really small. For someone new to enter your life, there must be room. People can smell that you are unavailable the same way they can smell if you’ve recently been to a Chili’s.
2. Start a project. Have you been wanting to write a YA novel? Open an Etsy store? Audition for a play? Hey, even if you don’t have any money, you’ve got the time. Sometimes as single people we pursue dreams that are ignored or delayed if we’re coupled up. Don’t miss this opportunity. Also, throwing ourselves into a project we love is like spritzing on a perfume of positivity. It draws people in.
3. Throw a party. My first year in LA, I was alone a lot. Saturday nights seemed to stare me down like the headlights of an oncoming truck. Then I decided if people wouldn’t invite me out, I’d invite them over. I threw dinner parties for six, then eight, then fourteen (!) in my studio apartment. I cooked up a few chickens, threw flea market tablecloths over any available surface and borrowed chairs from neighbors. It was fun! The parties also provided the perfect excuse to invite over a cute guy I was too shy to ask out.
4. Exercise. Outside your home, that is. Take a stroll around your college campus or through the neighborhood during your lunch break. Maybe tennis is your game. Perhaps Bikram really does it for you. Just pick something you can stick with. It will keep your spirits up and put color in your cheeks. A yoga butt is a bonus.
5. Vow to only like boys (or girls) who like you back. It’s amazing how quickly this can end your dating dry spell. Dead ends disappear as wide-open vistas come into view. Fight against the little voice that insists someone is desirable simply because he doesn’t text you back. That’s just your lizard-brain talking. Your lizard-brain is way out of touch. It still thinks a woolly mammoth might attack.
6. Change your venue. Maybe that new venue is the Internet. Or maybe, like so many modern love-seekers, you feel you’ve exhausted that route, too. A recently divorced friend picked up a shift at a boutique she liked. She loved talking fashion and buying a new wardrobe with her steep discount. She looked and felt better and was back on the market in record time. I found New York to be a dating dead zone. When I moved to home to Rhode Island to take a break from the big city, I began to see signs of life. I dated a jet-setting race car driver and an outdoorsy bartender. Neither relationship lasted, but they both took me on old-fashioned, ring-the-doorbell dates (unheard of for 20-somethings in New York) and reminded me what it was like to feel pretty.
7. Cultivate a curious mind. A curious mind will take you on adventures. A curious mind will make you stay at a party a little longer and see what happens. A curious mind overpowers the voice inside you that says it’s weird to go to an art opening by yourself. A curious mind encourages you to engage with people, listen to their stories, and let the most unexpected of them surprise you.
8. Keep good company. That old saying you learned in middle school “show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” is still true. Surround yourself with people you admire, whose lives appeal to you and who make you feel good. Nurture those relationships. These are your people. And chances are, a person who deserves you is among them. In the meantime, enjoy your own good company. There will be a time when an evening alone with your writing, a cozy date with a good book, or an entire Saturday spent eating cereal and watching the first season of Downton Abbey will feel like a great and miraculous luxury.

Image via Shutterstock

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