And I thought… that’s it. That’s the root of Mean Girling.

The list of Hollywood’s 20 Most Hated Celebrities came out and the top 3 – Gwyneth Paltrow, Kristen Stewart and Jennifer Lopez – were a) women and b) women whose main “defect” is being perceived as someone who believes themselves to be high and mighty. Above everyone else – because of an insane set of health standards and penchant for $4000 cashmere hankies or a ridiculous concert rider or a slumping, teenagery angst that just annoys everyone. I get it.

But, just for comparison? Chris Brown came in 20th.

Here’s my concern, people hate Gwyneth Paltrow more than Chris Brown – a man who beat his girlfriend.

Why?

The first round of understanding Mean Girling starts with figuring out what it is about these people that sets us off. Sure, people rub us the wrong way and to each his own, but… come on. All of these flaws we’re heaping onto these women – would they bother you if a man did it? Are you saying Anne Hathaway’s (#9 on the list, btdubs) nerdy, forced ease with awards season is worthy of a legion of Hathahaters, but Adrien Brody (not on the list at all) can steal an epic kiss from Halle Berry without her permission and still be adorable?

As far as Gwyneth goes, there’s a part of me that feels like we, as an audience, just don’t want to know how sausage is made, if you know what I mean. We don’t really want to know what goes into actresses having to look the way they do. I mean, it’s not a coincidence that up until very recently we all bought the party line that actresses lost their baby weight by “chasing the baby” and that up until then they “ate cheeseburgers all the time!” So, is Gwyneth Paltrow going on and on about clean eating and juice cleanses and GOOP this and the Tracey Anderson Method that bug us simply because we liked thinking that there was an effortlessness to having those bodies? An effortlessness which made us think they were attainable? Is the reality of looking like Gwyneth Paltrow bumming us out and do we blame her for making us see how hard it is to attain that level of perfection?

I got another piece of this puzzle today when I read the Publisher’s Weekly interview with Claire Messud:

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I wouldn’t want to be friends with Nora, would you? Her outlook is almost unbearably grim.

For heaven’s sake, what kind of question is that? Would you want to be friends with Humbert Humbert? Would you want to be friends with Mickey Sabbath? Saleem Sinai? Hamlet? Krapp? Oedipus? Oscar Wao? Antigone? Raskolnikov? Any of the characters in The Corrections? Any of the characters in Infinite Jest? Any of the characters in anything Pynchon has ever written? Or Martin Amis? Or Orhan Pamuk? Or Alice Munro, for that matter? If you’re reading to find friends, you’re in deep trouble. We read to find life, in all its possibilities. The relevant question isn’t “is this a potential friend for me?” but “is this character alive?”

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Why does Nora need to be worthy of your friendship? And there’s no way this interviewer (a woman) would have asked that question of a male writer or even expected that relationship with one of his characters. So, is part of this the expectation that these “hated” women should be relatable and owe us some kind of friendship – beyond their talent and work ethic and charitable donations and and and and and… Or is it simply that we think people with money don’t have the right to complain about anything.

I mean, the next time you’re standing in line at the grocery store just scan the magazines – it’s all Mean Girl Bait – who is gaining weight, who has been caught without their make-up, who has cellulite, whose man is cheating, who is lonely and binging, whose marriage is on the rocks and on and on…

I’ve never forgotten this talk I went to with this fantastic psychologist who specialized in teenaged girls (god bless her). And she said that the first way women bond is by having things in common. But, if that doesn’t work, the second thing women will do to bond is gossip about another woman. That way, the thing they have in common is this target and there’s really no heavy lifting involved. It’s not like you have to go out on a limb or be vulnerable with someone if all you’re going to do is insult someone else and laugh about it.

All of this stuff isn’t about Gwyneth Paltrow or that woman in the office you gossip about. Mean Girling is about us and why we feel insignificant. It’s about our fear that we’re less than or that someone else is getting something that we feel they don’t deserve (and usually we feel under-appreciated). It’s our own fear of being left behind or that we are somehow flawed.

If we’re happy and healthy in our own lives we don’t have to make other people feel bad about themselves.

I love this quote by the fantastic Brene Brown:

We have to be the women we want our daughters to be.

You can read more from Liza Palmer on her blog and website.

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I’ve hated grocery stores and grocery shopping all my life, and I always got dragged along to help carry the bags. Once I was too busy with high school activities, I thought I was home free. And then came college. With a meal plan my first year, I was pretty set for food and didn’t have to buy or shop much, so when I moved into my first apartment and had to fend for myself, it was kind of a slap in the face.

Now that I’m actually attempting to cook more (it’s only taken 20 years…) I have to go shopping with lists and buy real ingredients like spices and plain yogurt. I kid you not, last week I bought groceries three times—it’s getting a little ridiculous. With all the time I spend at the store, I have plenty of reasons piled up as to why I hate going there.

1. Food is EXPENSIVE. I really hate spending my own money, especially on things that are going to be gone soon. And it’s hard to be healthy on a college budget when junk and fast food is so much cheaper than organic and health foods. A girl can only afford so much hummus before her piggy bank starves, you know.

2. Nothing is where it should be. How many times do you walk from front to back just to find that stupid jar of olives? There has to be a better way to arrange food so it can actually be found. I swear it’s a ploy meant for us to walk by the cookie aisle so much that we just have to add a package or two to our carts.

3. I feel like people judge me. Even if I’m only buying bread and peanut butter, I feel like everyone is judging the contents of my cart. Even worse when I have to go over to the feminine products aisle and carry them through the store past eight groups of guys staring me down. There’s no privacy at the grocery store.

4. I never know what I want. I always have a list but there’s always something I forgot to write down, and do you think I could remember it when it’s convenient? Nope. And how do I choose which brand is better? And if I buy strawberries today will I eat them before they go bad? How do I know I’ll be hungry tomorrow for the meal I’m getting tonight? Way too many unknowns.

5. I can’t push my cart and check my list simultaneously. I’m just not at the same skill level as my mom, and I feel like I’m just not qualified for this job yet. I’m walking through the refrigerated section trying to push a cart and check off my list on my phone and I either have to stop in the middle of the floor or risk running into someone, which makes me a hazard to the whole store.

I don’t think I’m completely alone here, am I? Or does every other 20-something get excited to see Grocery Day circled on their calendar? I love being independent and having the freedom to buy whichever cereal I want, but sometimes when I’m searching aisle after aisle for chia seeds I’d just like to call my mom so she can tell me exactly where they are (because my mom can navigate grocery stores she’s never even stepped foot in—can’t yours?).

You can read more from Eleni Upah on her blog.

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I was rather in the closet about this side of me till I met Vasu in college. We watched almost the same shows and went gaga over the same guys. Well we did have the odd fights, like she was a true Armaan supporter and the Purab loving me could not stand that (Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin, anyone?). She was also stubbornly camp Edward and I was taken by Jacob (I try to block out my Twilight fan girl days. But this is just about television, I forget).

The first American TV series I saw was Friends, apart from Disney stuff (From Disney, Gordon from the Lizzie Maguire Show, Justin from Wizards of the Waverly Place). Friends didn’t really provide much fodder for “hot men”. None were as intellectually stimulating or so beautiful that you will forgive the character’s lack of intelligence. Then came Heroes, Grey’s Anatomy, House, Prison Break, Gossip Girl, Gilmore Girls, New Girl, 2 Broke Girls, Ally McBeal (I discovered it late in life), The Walking Dead, and very recently Being Human (the one from UK).

So here is the list and in no order of preference (it depends on what mood I am in):

Peter Petrelli (Heroes): I initially hated his floppy fringe that would get into his eye, but come season 2 and the new haircut, WOW! His quite resolve to do the right thing, fight to get out of the imposing shadow of his brother and mother and just his struggle to accept his power. There was some weird unresolved sexual tension between him and Claire, nothing happened there, as he was technically her uncle, but c’mon! Was it because they dated in real like? (I was very jealous of Hayden).

West (Heroes): He had a very small role, which is sad. But, wasn’t he oh-so-cute? Claire’s almost boyfriend. I was sad to see him go. I would have loved for him to take me to that beach.

Suresh (Heroes): Initially quiet scientist being pushed around by the company, but he later becomes quite the wannabe superhero. I would liked to see more of him.

Dr. Derek Shepherd (Grey’s Anatomy): I liked the initial years, especially when it was risky to date him as he was an attending, and all. I think I would love him in any role, him in Made of Honour, anyone? The silent, quiet conviction in his work and the whole “it is a great day to save lives people” gig worked like a charm. You should see my mother, apparently he is drool-worthy for all age-groups. The later years are very so-so. Not so impressive and well, just blah.

Dr. Alex Karev (Grey’s Anatomy): I didn’t like him much initially, when he was just an ass to everybody but when the whole Lizzie thing happened and we got to see a soft side, well… I still love him, even in the 9th season, I like how suddenly he is all vulnerable and you wonder where the tough Alex was.

(McSteamy never really features in my list, because I never thought I would be good enough for him. But he has his moments, especially with Lexi)

Dr. Gregory House (House M.D): How can you not love him? His humor, his love-hate relationship with Cuddy, his need to play a prank on everyone, need to know everything. I realize I may have listed a lot of not so desirable qualities, but they make him House. I like how he is so brusque with people, his inability to say emotional things and just well everything. I still hate my friend for running into him at a bookstore in Edinburgh.

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1. Lizzie Bennet Diaries is a webseries adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Set modern day, the story follows grad student Lizzie Bennet as she navigates school, life, and relationships. The series has just finished its run, but it’s more than worth going back for a looksee. The characters are spot-on, and I dare you not to fall in love with Dizzie (a.k.a. Lizzie/Darcy).

2. Lost in Austen (a miniseries!) follows the story of Austen Addict Amanda as she finds a door in her bathroom that leads straight into Jane Austen’s most famous novel. In Pride and Prejudice World, she meets the Bennets, the Bingleys, and even Mr. Darcy. I will warn you, though. You will fall in love with Wickham. He is absolutely wonderful in this—much better than Darcy, in my humble opinion. Oh yeah, and the best part? You can even watch it right now on Hulu!

3. Bride and Prejudice is one of those movies I can’t stop watching. It’s a Bollywood musical based on Pride and Prejudice, and it’s fabulous. Okay, it’s a bit cheesy, but isn’t that exactly what you want from this sort of musical? B&P includes dance numbers (including the EPIC snake dance), Sayid from Lost, and a fair bit of romance. If you need a feel good movie, this is exactly the one for you. Watch it when you want a break from all the seriousness of the Keira Knightley version.

4. Pride and Prejudice: A Latter-Day Comedy is not the most well known adaptation, but it is worth a watch if you want to see all the variety Pride and Prejudice has to offer. As you might guess from the title, this film is a Latter-Day Saints adaptation of Jane Austen’s novel. Yeah. Not the strangest part of it, actually. Do you remember Carmen from American Idol? Probably not. Well, she is in this. Also, it’s important to note that Bingley makes CDs for dogs, and that this very fact is literally the best part of the movie.

Have you caught up on the full variety of Austen goodness? If Pride and Prejudice isn’t your thing, there’s also From Prada to Nada based on Sense and Sensibility, Clueless based on Emma, and a weird ’80s adaptation of Northanger Abbey that you should not miss.

You can read more from Melissa Prange on her blog.

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HelloGiggles loves seeing your creative nail designs. From glitter and lace to cartoon and holiday homages, we appreciate a bomb manicure when we see it. Please send a photo of your fancy fingertips to info@hellogiggles.com with the subject line “Nails of the Day,” and we may feature you here!

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