Being respected is one thing, being feared is quite another. Respect is a positive thing; fear, not so much. If you think people are afraid of you, it might be time to have a little check in with yourself.

• Are you being a jerk? Is it because of pressure that you are under, or is it just how you are?
• Are you giving off the wrong vibes? Is your shyness or intensity misunderstood?
• Are you just creepy (I say this from a loving place, as a lover of all things creepy)?
• Are you a murderer or a raging a-hole? If so, stop reading. Nature wants people to be afraid of you.

Before you start looking at the person in the mirror, here are 6 signs that people are afraid of you in a bad way:

1. People aren’t doing their jobs well around you.

Anxiety degrades performance. If your coworkers, employees, friends or others are afraid of you, chances are, little things will slip through the cracks as they scramble day in and day out trying not to set you off. People get so focused on pleasing someone that they become easily flustered. Who can blame them? Walking on eggshells is a full time job! Try to put people at ease. Watch and see how they are able to function so much better without stressing out about you.

2. People won’t look you in the eye.

Maybe you wear sunglasses inside for the intimidation factor. Chances are if people are afraid of you they won’t be trying to peer into the windows of your soul anyway. They are afraid of staring into the black abyss or triggering you into a rage. Animals often perceive eye contact as a threat, and no one wants to threaten you. So take off those sunglasses you weirdo, or start meeting peoples glances to say, “Hey, I’m not going to bite your head off.”

3. People won’t ask you questions (personal or professional).

Limiting conversation with a scary person is the best course of action. People may avoid asking you questions about work, and they definitely won’t ask you how your weekend was. They don’t want to open a world of hurt by asking you the wrong question, and they may worry they will hear tales of how you terrorize people or kick puppies in your personal time. Open up by asking people questions about their lives; you may change how they see you.

4. People avoid you.

Do people clear away from you at work or at parties? Or, in a more extreme demonstration of fear, do people cross the street when they see you coming? This speaks strongly to you being creepy, or being a jerk. Try smiling, try saying hello… Try leaving your throwing stars at home?

5. People let you make mistakes or do dangerous things.

People are afraid to tell you not to go to the restaurant where everyone else got food poisoning. People are afraid to take your keys when you have had one too many. People don’t make corrections or give your work constructive criticism… When people are afraid of you, they are afraid to help you, too. They are afraid of your wrath should they make any suggestion or comment that might be taken in the wrong way. This is one of the major ways that having people afraid of you can hurt you in the long run.

6. People’s voices change when you are around.

Do peoples talk quickly? Do their voices get high? Do you get easy, nervous laughs? Is everyone speaking in hushed tones around you? Do people just plain stop talking when you come around? It might be time to pay attention to the way people talk to you, and reassess.

These are some signs that people are afraid of you (in a bad way). Remember, while people may go out of their way to avoid upsetting you, they are doing so in their best interest and not in yours. The negative kind of fear doesn’t come from positive feelings for a person, and it doesn’t necessarily come with respect. In the long run, respect is a much more constructive and positive thing to earn from people. Unless you want people to be afraid of you for some reason, you slayer… That is an entirely different article.

The post 6 Signs That People Are Afraid Of You (In A Bad Way) appeared first on HelloGiggles.

Watch her go BADASS with a bump in her brand new video for “Dizzy”!

Fun fact #1: This video was directed by Sam’s husband, Steven Davis, writer for Bob’s Burgers.

Fun Fact #2: That is a 6 months pregnant belly in those hot stretch pants and heels! Beyonce much?

Fun Fact #3: Girl. Power.

Fun Fact #4: You are seeing it here, FIRST!

I caught up with Sam to ask a few questions and enjoyed learning about her childhood in Eagle Rock (before it was cool), her biggest creation yet (can you name a baby “Rainbow Colors Bones Davis”?), and her obsession with The Bachelor (seriously obsessed). Check it out, and check out her tunes! You are going to fall for Sam Shelton!

What was your childhood like? What was mini Sam Shelton like?

I had a great childhood growing up on the east side in Eagle Rock, before it was so hipster. I loved roller blading, jumping on my trampoline, doing theatre, going to the movies and reading. Basically I was a dork, but weren’t we all? I have three older sisters and our house had one bathroom…in the 80′s… it was chaos. I learned how to fend for myself.

When and how did you start making music? Were you surprised when that beautiful voice first came out of your mouth? 

Well, my whole family is musical and we would all sing together all the time, especially in the car. Harmonizing was just a normal part of our everyday life. My sister Erin is an amazing singer, trained in opera and jazz, so to me, she was the singer in the family and I was the theatre nerd. When Zooey Deschanel and I formed The Pretty Babies in the early 2000′s and we started doing our live shows, that’s when I gained confidence and became really passionate about pursuing music alongside acting.

What are you really excited about right now (hehe I bet I know)?

Oh, could it be the human BABY growing inside my body right this minute?? I am SO excited. He is very active, kicking me all the time, just like his father… ha. It’s very surreal and a bit like ALIEN, but I absolutely love it. It was so fun to film the video for “Dizzy” and completely rock the bump. We have no official name yet, so we go by what my 3 year old niece calls him: “Rainbow Colors Bones Davis”. Oh and, for the record, milkshakes. I always want milkshakes.

What inspires you the most?

In general, I’m inspired by witty people. Laughing gets my juices flowing. That, and taking long walks in the hills and being close to nature. When I write, it usually starts in my imagination and spreads outward. Making up a line, or a story, warms me up and helps encourage a deeper truth to emerge. Also, being happily married, I definitely pay close attention to the crazy love lives of my single girlfriends!

Tons of friends or a few BFFs? 

Both! I am lucky to have a large circle of great friends that I’ve known for a long time now, which is rare in a city like LA. On the other side I do have my BFF’s that I hold super close to my heart.

Lipstick or eyeliner? 

Lipstick! I’ve never successfully self applied a liquid liner cat-eye, though Lord knows I have tried.

What is your strangest hobby or habit? 

Probably my obsession with The Bachelor. At this point, it’s definitely both a hobby and a habit!

The post “Dizzy” for Sam Shelton! appeared first on HelloGiggles.

“I have a patient who has chosen to either no-show or be late (sometimes hours) for all of her prenatal visits, ultrasounds, and NSTs. She is now 3 hours late for her induction. May I show up late to her delivery?”

After a few comments from friends, she revealed the reason why she has tolerated this patient’s tardiness:

“Here is the explanation why I have put up with it/ not cancelled induction: Prior stillbirth.”

Ohhhh boy. I can see how this has stirred up quite the controversy. Some are insisting that Dr. Dunbar be fired for revealing private patient information on Facebook, while others say she was simply venting about work and never revealed the patient’s actual name. I can see where both sides are coming from.

In terms of confidentiality, I don’t think she technically violated the rules set by the HIPAA (The US Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) Privacy Rule against linking Protected Health Information (PHI) to a specific individual. Technicalities aside, while she didn’t reveal the patient’s name, she may have posted too much information after revealing that this patient had a prior stillbirth. Anyone in Dr. Dunbar’s office could potentially identify a woman who was consistently late (not private information) as having suffered a previous stillbirth (very private and devastating information).

The patient would also likely be able to identify herself in reading Dr. Dunbar’s posts and perceive her privacy as having been violated. The original statement about the patient’s lateness, while a bit whiny and maybe not what people want to hear from a doctor, wasn’t revealing any private information. However, mentioning the stillbirth was pretty crass and potentially identifying. Beyond that, mentioning something as heart-wrenching as a woman’s stillbirth on Facebook is something I find extremely crude and unprofessional. Not to mention, maybe the horror of having had a stillbirth is factoring into this patient’s resistance to showing up for appointments. She may be terrified and filled with dread.

I believe the real issue here is that of professionalism. There are strict rules for privacy and confidentiality, but there is nothing set in stone mandating professionalism for doctors or other healthcare workers. Before social media was literally at our fingertips, it was easy to separate the personal from the professional. Do doctors and nurses have the right to a personal life and personal opinions? Yes. Do health care professionals have the right to complain about work and share crazy stories? Sure. Do they have the right to make these things public on Facebook? To that I have to say no, or, only extremely carefully.

As a medical professional, one has a responsibility to the public to uphold a professional image and maintain trust. As medical professionals, we sort of sacrifice the right to be publicly crass, cynical, irresponsible or ridiculous. No one wants to see us drunk at a party knowing we will go to work in the operating room on Monday, and no one wants to hear us rant in detail about our jobs. I try to keep things light, vague, professional and private. I select my audience carefully, and I prefer for people to ask me questions so they can set the limits on what they want to know.

I live in fear of offending or scaring people. Few civilian types want to hear about facial trauma in detail if you know what I mean. I try to leave the drama and humor to Grey’s Anatomy and Scrubs, because that is where it belongs. In reality, we all want to think of the hospital and health care professionals as serious and infallible. Obviously doctors and nurses are human, but unfortunately that human side should be kept mostly private. It’s a tough balance though, as robotic and cold health care workers are equally unappealing. A little bedside manner goes a long way, and a little over-sharing digs a big hole. At the end of the day, no one wants to think about their doctors talking about them on Facebook, revealing details or not.

I believe Amy Dunbar had a right to be annoyed with this patient, but she should have kept that to herself or between her and a friend or colleague in private. Instead, by posting about it on Facebook, she came across as rash, immature, insensitive and unprofessional. I don’t think that she is a bad doctor, though. I sincerely believe that she and other medical professionals can learn an important lesson from this backlash. It is critical that professionals maintain professionalism in the public domain, and this includes online. It is still new territory, and many doctors and nurses may need some training or gentle reminders about what is and is not appropriate. Patient privacy is something that must never be breached, but outside of that there is a lot of gray area in terms of what a health care professional should and should not share.

Above all, one must remember their duty to the public to be professional and trustworthy. That said, I feel sad for Dr. Dunbar. I doubt she meant any harm by her post, and I am willing to bet she feels horrible about her actions. She no doubt became an OB GYN out of love for helping women, and she is likely devastated by how this turned out. I think we can all take this as a lesson in navigating the brave new world of social media. Let’s not burn her at the stake like the poor nurse involved in the Kate Middleton scandal, but let’s make her an example for how health care professionals must never, ever behave.

 Featured image via ShutterStock

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After finishing college, medical school, residency and fellowship, I am “done”. I have no more huge and mandatory milestones. Even though everything is seemingly in place, I have never felt so utterly lost. I have gone from living by life by a syllabus or checklist to just… living. After years of aiming for the goals so tidily laid out for me, I have completely atrophied with respect to creating my own goals. I can’t help but think, “What now?”

Don’t get me wrong – I love my life and I am proud of and thankful for everything I have accomplished. I have a career, a great relationship, wonderful family and friends, an adorable dog, and a lovely home. I don’t want more, I just want to know what is next. I want to know what to want, what to try for. It is a great and inspiring problem to have. It’s hard to imagine settling into cruise control already, and I am eager to find out what else I am meant to do. I never thought to fantasize or imagine life beyond finishing my medical training, and now that I am here, I am overwhelmed and paralyzed by possibility. No one is going to tell me what to do. No one is going to knock on my door with an inspiring new project. I have to want something. I desperately wish I had kept up hobbies during my school and training, but I just sort of shut everything else out.

I guess one has to realize that everything is really about the journey and not the destination. I sort of always knew this, but now that I am temporarily out of distinct end points, I am really feeling it. I enjoyed my time in school and residency immensely, and I can say I enjoyed every day (albeit admittedly through the rose colored glasses of nostalgia). I continue to enjoy every day, but I am missing that undercurrent of drive to “complete” something that I grew so used to. Yes, it’s hard to be challenged by outside forces, but I am learning that it is harder to truly challenge ones self. Dreaming up the challenge is as hard as facing it; it’s twice the work. This is why I admire artists of all types so very much. I admire anyone who forges their own path and goals. Hellooooo, Lena Dunham. Wow.

I guess if there is anything I would like for someone to get from this essay, it is to hang onto yourself (if I may quote David Bowie). Keep setting your own goals in addition to doing the things that you have to do. Don’t get so caught up on that treadmill that you have to re-learn how to run on your own. Was that a horrible, gross, cliché analogy? I don’t know. I am just learning how to write creatively again. Sorry to put that on you. It’s part of figuring out what I want to do now.

Does anyone have some inspiration to throw my way? Has anyone else faced the “what now?” How do you all set personal goals? Is there a creative life after so much school? What are you creating?

As always, thanks for reading!

Image via Shutterstock

The post The Problem of “What Now?” appeared first on HelloGiggles.

Just before Thanksgiving last year, I had hit a low. Not a dangerous low, but a chronic insidious low that had taken over. Again. One I was well acquainted with. I had general sadness and anxiety, and ongoing issues with self-worth and self-image. All these things had plagued me for going on 20-some years in oscillating degrees of severity; all of these were things I thought I would outgrow, but just hadn’t been able to shake. I also suffer a great deal of stress at work that starts to take a toll on me in the outside world.

On November 15th, 2011, I was heading home, engaging self-destructive and negative thoughts. Then something rare happened- I had my own idea that grew into something more powerful. My husband, my sister and I had gone to Best Friends Animal Society to look at dogs the weekend before. We were on the fence about getting a dog, but I was happy to be entertaining the idea more seriously. We had seen Wally, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the little guy. Well, on November 15th, I took control. It was more than saying yes to a dog; I was saying yes to myself, and no to my insecurities.  For some reason, I knew if I drove right to the shelter at that moment, I would be okay. If I could let in something that meant more than my compulsions and obsessions, I would heal. I would be safe. I finally made an active choice in favor of my emotional health and drove straight to Best Friends in Mission Hills.

I brought Wally home that day, and right away I had to push myself aside and start tending to him. We got through his adjustment period, we are working through his trust issues with men, we treated fleas and giardia, we started basic training and we fell in love. For me, it has been completely transformative. I was free from my anxieties and depression for the first few months, and completely immersed in caring for him. Little did I know he was caring for me, too. Gradually, the negative thinking found ways to creep back in, but I had changed. I had built new confidence from my ability and duty to care for Wally. I had gained the confidence and desire to care for myself. I’m not perfect, but I’m in love with this little guy and by virtue of that, I have learned to be worlds kinder to myself. It may seem ridiculous, but his trust and love for me has made me trust and love myself more. He has convinced me of things that humans (including expensive therapists) could not. Short term stress and problems also seem much more manageable when I am focused on making him happy and healthy; he really is the perfect escape and puts everything into perspective.

So yes, I too have a dog that “rescued me”. I can say this after years of trying to help myself, and pretty much failing. It’s quite incredible actually. If anyone reading this is feeling isolated, sad, lonely, depressed, anxious, and/or is struggling with eating disorders or self-worth; I recommend considering volunteering at an animal shelter. Maybe try fostering an animal, or even jump in and adopt. You never know; they may get to you in a way that the humans cannot.

Photo via Nick Carranza of Best Friends Animal Society

The post Yup. My Rescue Dog Rescued Me appeared first on HelloGiggles.

The term has swum even further into the mainstream with the recent Manti Te’o debacle and has even garnered a Saturday Night Live spoof. It happened to adorable Nev Schulman. It happened to a star football player. It has happened to people you know. In this day and age with alternative lives and personal images just a few Facebook uploads away, it can happen to any of us. Is it terrible? Is it psycho? Is it evil? Honestly, I don’t know. I think that catfishing can come from a place of loneliness, wanting love and wanting acceptance. Granted, there are just cruel people who want to trick other people with no regard for their emotions. But maybe some catfish start out of a desire for companionship paired with a lack of self-confidence, and things snowball. I think that we can all be a little catfishy, if I may go on ahead and make it an adjective.

I say this because I can relate. I dare say we can all relate on some level. With all of the relationship opportunities afforded to us by social media, we get the chance to retool our images and fine-tune our realities to present ourselves exactly how we want to be seen. We can make ourselves look attractive to potential dates, cool to potential friends, enviable to friends and acquaintances and desirable to exes. Do you really think that girl on Facebook is running ten miles, baking two loaves of artisan bread and making Mad Men-themed cocktails for her parties every day? Is everyone on Twitter witty every single waking moment and never lonely? Is everyone on Instagram dining exclusively in gourmet restaurants, constantly at museums or events, eternally on vacation and always in a swarm of friends? Do we post selfies right after we pop a pimple? I would venture a solid “no”. No one is perfect or doing amazing things around the clock, but we all get to filter out the boring stuff and condense our coolness for our online image.

Then there is dating. I think the opening scene in Bridesmaids sums it up nicely… errrrr, after THAT scene… I’m talking about the one where Kristen Wiig wakes up and puts on makeup before that Hunk of Hamm sees her in the morning. Did you laugh? Did you laugh because you have done that? I thought so. We are all pretending to be the best version of ourselves when we start to date someone. I started dating my now husband after we reconnected on the ever hip and thriving social media hub “MySpace”. We knew each other back in high school, but things change after (ahem) 11 years. We progressed to emailing, and let me tell you, I was probably looking more than a little catfishy (French braid and all) when I wrote some of those bad boys. Emailing allowed me to control how I expressed myself and what I shared. I was able to recount only the interesting things I did and the more impressive thoughts that I had. I could easily leave out details like my struggle with depression, and I could make it seem like I did more than work and watch Buffy episodes in my dark studio apartment. Granted, when we finally met up in person, we were both fantastically hot (kidding- but I am working on my self-esteem. Fake it ’til ya make it!), but I think a lot of the foundation for our attraction formed during the emailing and the phone calls. He had only seen the “cute” photos I had carefully selected for my profile or to sent via email after painfully screened PhotoBooth sessions of myself “before I went to bed” (never sans concealer and mascara). I joke about it, but seriously, did I catfish him a little?

I guess the difference is that while a lot of us show only the best parts of ourselves online or in a new relationship, we aren’t lying or pretending to be someone we aren’t. We are merely sharing the “good” while omitting the “bad”. This probably isn’t lying. A true catfish forms relationships based on lies about who they are, and ends up hurting people. I don’t know if I think all catfish are terrible people, though. I’m sure many really and truly invest their feelings and their true personalities into the relationships they form, but the problem is that there are lies at the foundation.

Then again, some just are probably just pathological liars, or people who enjoy messing with people. I don’t know how I feel. I get it, and I don’t get it. It all saddens me and scares me a bit. The internet is this amazing tool that lets us become whoever we want, and lets us reach out and connect with people. Catfishing is the dark side of that. We have to be responsible with the feelings of others no matter how good and validated we want the internet to make us feel.

*Just so you all know, I wrote this in sweats and no makeup, eating carrots dipped in ketchup (not on an adorable plate) and my house is a mess. My dog is cute, but he just peed on the rug. I have no interesting plans today. I feel lonely a lot. I don’t read enough. I eat too much sugar. I don’t work out enough. I can be pretty negative. I get insomnia. The grass in my backyard is dead. I sometimes wish I still lived with my parents because I miss them. But I am a good person. No catfish?

Featured image via ShutterStock

The post What’s A Catfish, Anyway? appeared first on HelloGiggles.

• A Ticking Haim Bomb
• Hammer Haim
• It’s Haim To Get Ill
• I’ve Had The Haim of My Life
• Haim For A Change
• Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Haim
• Don’t Let Haim Pass You By
• Haim After Haim
• As Haim Goes By
• Quality Haim
• The Haim Is Right
• Big Haim
• Let The Good Haims Roll
• Haim is Money
• Haim and Haim Again
• Same Haim, Same Place
• Haim is Of The Essence
• Haim Heals All Wounds
• The Haim is Now

Many of you have probably heard of one of the most amazing bands out there right now: a trio of sisters from the 818 (that’s the valley, y’all) about to reach the… What’s the area code for the world?

The first time I heard these lovely girls, the high school me of yore immediately was mad with jealously that she didn’t have this music. I’m telling you, they would have gotten me through high school and college, and that is saying A LOT. They are so incredibly good. I hate doing the mash-up “this meets this meets this” description thing, so I won’t; also these young ladies have a sound entirely of their own that defies description. I think that all good music has the common thread of touching our souls in some way, of literally and metaphorically resonating with us. This is that kind of music; it will make you feel the way that your other favorites have made you feel with an extra bit of rock and roll.

Did I mention they are wonderful people? Este, Danielle and Alana are all hilarious, gorgeous and incredibly sweet. Anyone would put them on a dream BFF list for sure.  Their parents are absolute gems, as well. They put on an incredible show, with unbelievable transcendent moments… And then the next moment they bring Mamma and Papa Haim onstage for a barn-burning rendition of ‘Mustang Sally’. See them if you get the chance. Oh, and Miss Alana is a nail art maven. I just love this family and their musical genius.

And finally, A Haim-ku:

Voices, legs and hair

Rocking drum beats and guitar

The Haim Sisters rule

Check out their site for new videos, music downloads, and tour schedules!

Follow these lovely ladies on Twitter, and get thee to a show!!!

@haimtheband

@babyhaim

@jizziemcguire

The post Fall In Love With Haim! appeared first on HelloGiggles.

I am an adult woman, and I do not know how to take a bath.

Before I go on and mislead you into thinking I am grimy… Let me quickly state that I am a very clean devotee of the shower. In fact, it was in the shower just moments ago where I thought up those dreadful name puns. I guess that alone supports the fact that I need an alternative means of cleaning my bod.

I don’t really make New Year’s Resolutions, but I do constantly make resolutions that I would like to stick to. A recurring goal is to learn to relax. In the spirit of relaxation, I wanted to try to take a bath before writing this and I stopped dead in my tracks: I don’t think I have taken a bath in over 15 years. Is this crazy? It could very well be longer than that. I was a varsity swimmer in high school, so I clearly wasn’t looking to soak in water any more than I already had to. After leaving home I shied away from bathing in the dorms (I’m not sure it was even possible) and in apartments (fearing how many people had been in those tubs). In medical school and residency I also felt like I didn’t have the time and I was always just too tired. The shower has always been a quick way to wake up, scrub down, listen to some Beastie Boys and move on.

So here I am now. I have a home, I have some time and I want to relax. Seems like my path to the bath, no? Sure. So how the heck do I go about doing this? Taking a bath is not only a means of relaxation, but also a necessary life skill. I learned this the hard way during a 5-week rotation in the south of France. There were only tubs with hand held spray nozzles, and I sobbed every time I tried to get clean. I shouldn’t have shared that, but this can be about cleansing on other levels too. Yes, I lost it without good showers. It feels good to get that off my chest.

I have so many questions about taking baths. I have tried to look to the movies to learn how cool chic women do it, but I do NOT recommend Googling “Beautiful women taking bath movies”- None are instructional. I do however highly recommend looking at  stock images of “woman in bath”. Wow, do they look happy and relaxed… I mean look at that goofball above! Her everyday is my best day, I am quite certain! Anyway, here are my questions… I am hoping someone can help:

1. Do baths really get you clean, or do you have to shower before or after you bathe?

This troubles me to no end. Talk about me-so soup (oh my gosh I am so sorry). But seriously, how does this work? And when do you wash your hair and face?

2. How hot should you make the water, and how long does it stay hot enough?

I take scalding hot showers. Is this just not going to work out for me?

3. Can you shave your legs in the tub?

The answer has to be no, right? Sitting in your own leg hair seems creepy.

4. Can you sing in the tub?

A bath is so quiet! Without the noise of the shower I feel like every move or sound I make will be transmitted throughout the world!

5. Can you cry in the tub?

Again, I am concerned about the quiet. I have written before about the benefits of a good shower cry. I need this occasional outlet. Is a bath cry as satisfying?

6. Can you really drink wine?

I had a roommate in medical school that would sit in the bathtub with a glass of port (that is a drink I have yet to get my head around). Do people do this? I am terrified of broken glass, falling asleep and drowning, or falling. Let me share that I recently fell getting out of the bathtub bathing my dog and cracked a rib. Stone sober.

7. Can you really read there?

This would have been great for medical school! I tend to need to highlight and write though. And do you have to keep the page turning hand dry? I am terrified of a soggy page.

8. What music do you listen to?

My go to shower music is the Beastie Boys, Fiona Apple (for singing or crying), Bowie, or Led Zeppelin. Would this work for the tub? Or do I need trance music or sensual music or something? Oh man, I am really getting worked up now.

9. Does it take way longer than showering?

How much time do I need to carve out for this? Can I go out afterward, or is it more of a wind down and stay in kind of thing? It seems like a nighttime activity, right? Sorry that was just a bunch of questions. No organization there.

10. Are some people just not suited to baths?

So there you have it. That’s what just went through my mind when I thought “Hey maybe I’ll chill out and take a bath”. While I think I would enjoy wine, keeping my hair dry (and less frizzy), lying down and being able to hear or see murderers entering the bathroom… Maybe I am just a shower person. But please tell me how it’s done! Help! Is there a “gateway bath”?

Featured image via ShutterStock

The post Breaking Bath: Why I Stick With the Shower appeared first on HelloGiggles.