The one sentiment that is expressed the most is that fear of dying alone. You see it on Twitter and on other blogs and at first, you can’t help but laugh. It’s a funny thing to mock, the idea of dying alone without a single friend, relative or lover at your side. But will it really happen? Only if you want it to – but even if you do, there’s a chance that there’s someone in your life who won’t let you.
So, what can you do to ensure that you do in fact die alone?
1. Don’t Own Cats: It’s a misconception that cat ladies are bound to die alone. But how could any woman who shares her home and heart with kittens and cats ever die alone? I certainly would not. There’s a great comfort in a purring cat being curled up on your tummy when you’re lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself. If you want to die alone, don’t own any kind of pet.
2. Don’t Date: Maybe you don’t have pets, but you at least have your moderately good looks. If you start going on dates, you will increase the likelihood of meeting someone you can tolerate and they might find the feeling mutual. Best to avoid dating or any kind of romantic interactions unless you want to find someone who is willing to stick by you until your last breath.
3. Don’t Read: As soon as you get heavily involved in a series of books, you’ll start to develop a relationship with the characters. They will find a home in your head and heart and be with you forever. You may not have people beside you, but your imagination will be very powerful and the excitement of a story will keep you too fulfilled to feel like you’re dying alone.
4. Avoid All Entertainment: Movies, television, literature, all of that stuff is going to make you feel entertained and you might even come across some relatable characters. Hell, you might even find yourself interested in the actors and film makers. This will cause you to want to interact with people online so that you can discuss True Blood and Doctor Who. Not a good way to die alone.
5. You Know What? Just Be Catatonic: Don’t move ever again. This will prevent reproduction which means less people which means higher likelihood you truly will die alone.
None of us are dying alone, I know that! And I know that we joke about it as a way to vent our momentary solitude which catches us when we feel misunderstood. I just hope that if I do die alone, meaning no one is in the room for a few days to notice, that I look my best because why not?
Gravestone via Shuttershock